Anyone suffer from depression?

xOlaf

I'm honestly not sure if it's depression, but I've been feeling this emptiness for the past 5 years or so. At first, I told myself it was because of my professional goals - I wasn't achieving them at the time and I was highly frustrated with myself. I've reached those goals and more but yet I still feel that emptiness.

I then shifted to working on my weight after graduation, because that may be it? I'm 20 lbs away from goal weight and yet nothing's changed emotionally. I don't see myself being happy seeing another 20 lb reduction on the scale either. Deep down I question the point of trying so hard to make it in life. At any moment in time, our life can end in an instant. So what's the point?

Everyday I wake up and wish it was night time again so that I could stay asleep and not have to face reality. I've also been taking sleeping pills on/off for the past few years. At first I viewed it as a "treat" for when I want to sleep for 12 hours on days I have off. But now it's a daily occurence just to put myself to sleep, even though it doesn't work at times.

The reality is this - I have everything I could ever want and yet something still makes me feel empty inside? I don't know what it is. I didn't have a bad childhood (not even close), and I have a loving family that supports me and has my back no matter what. That alone is a lot more than what others have in their life. So what is this feeling?

I've been avoiding talking about it with anyone including a doctor because I'm afraid of the judgement. Online, anonymously, is as close as I'll get to talking about it. Oh God I hope it's not depression and just a phase or something.

Any thoughts or shared experiences would mean a lot!

neugebauer52

You are certainly showing some signs of depression - I have been there for about 17 years or so (loss of our dear son George Paul after birth). The eventual total inability to function on a daily basis, just getting dressed in the morning took me half an hour. There are millions of anti - depressants out there and most doctors are only too happy to push whatever drugs they think are best for you. May I suggest that you try to understand were your signs of depression come from? If you understand the underlying reason(s), than you'll be better equipped to get back to normal. You seem to have gone through a lot of pressure in your daily life and general daily stress is always around us. I take "time out", go for a walk, "smell the roses". Sunshine seems to be very beneficial (in Northern Europe many people have the "blues" during winter months.) It helped and helps me to be able to talk to someone who is prepared to listen once in a while. That does not have to be a psychologist right away - and anyway they are expensive. I would suggest that you get tested on your level of depression (if any) but don't know if that is offered in the area where you live. Everyone talks about physical healing, but mental healing is at least as important as well. Another excellent tool for me was and is writing things down when I feel off colour. Write your thoughts away, sing them away, dance them away, do some light exercise, go for a walk - you will feel a little bit better. A hobby you can immerse yourself in is also beneficial - to just concentrate on something totally different has helped me along my way of mental recovery. Chin up, let the MFP community know now you are getting on!

bootyrubsandtacos

I can relate to a lot of what you’re going through. I’ve dealt with severe depression and anxiety since I was 16. I’m 32 now. I was on a few different meds on and off for a few years without much luck. It wasn’t until two years ago that I hit the jackpot with Celexa, which is an SSRI. This medication was a complete GAME CHANGER for me.

I think antidepressants get a bad rap, because if it weren’t for this medicine I don’t know where I would be today. I think people have an unrealistic expectation when it comes to medication. It takes a lot of WORK to get better and to manage depression. Medication is just a TOOL. They don’t instantly make your life all cupcakes and pizza. They just make it easier to cope. I still have bad days, I still have emotions, I still get sad, BUT I can actually get out of bed now, I can keep up with a workout regimen, I can laugh at things, keep up with chores, the future doesn’t seem so bleak anymore. My mood swings are less frequent. Besides meds I also go to weekly therapy sessions, and I workout 6 days a week. That’s what I mean by work. To manage depression you have to be consistent and make lifestyle changes.

There’s no shame in asking help. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and seek help. Do not worry about being judged. Dr’s and therapists are here to help. Maybe you don’t even need meds, maybe therapy alone could help you. The nice thing about therapy is that you get to vent in a unbiased, judgment free zone. You might have to “shop” around until you find a therapist you click with, but once that happens therapy can really change your entire prospective on life. You just have to be willing and open minded.

bhadbahabi

Change the things you say to yourself in your head. Even if you don’t believe it. If you start noticing your mind drifting into negative thoughts change them to a thought that makes you happy. I’m not over my depression but I think a portion of it is my brain has gotten used to being negative and finding the wrong/bad part in every situation. I think training your thoughts to look for the positive is going to help.
The ‘we’re going to die anyway so why does it matter’ thing is something I’ve thought about too and yes, in the grand scheme it is true. But life doesn’t have to be grand or live on forever. Just be. Do whatever makes you happy because there’s also no point in being miserable.
Talk to someone too. Online is a good place to start if you’re not close enough to someone or don’t have a doctor.
I think medication works for some.

Mithridites

In addition to the good advice above, have a look at “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie.
It makes some good points about re-training your own thought process. I find it helpful when all I see is the negative.

Cutemesoon

I think that you should talk to a professional about your feelings. I think it will help greatly. In the meantime, i stumbled upon a youtuber that seems to have good advice on dealing with depression. Good luck!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoTdBVXG7vXOCuY8ldKUxRg/videos

gcibsthom

Sounds like depression...there are many signs...lethargy, no motivation, anger issues, no/low self-esteem (the list goes on)....I was diagnosed with severe PTSD/depression a few years ago, but have suffered with it for ???45 years. It ain't fun and can really mess up your life. You're young...get help with it now...

ChaelAZ

Yup. I do.