Struggling with diligence/discipline

VictorSmashes

Hi all.

I've been on MFP for a little over 2 years, have been tracking my weight for the past 4 years, and overall trying to lose weight for 6 years. Back in 2012 I was in my senior year of high school and I had gained somewhere between 40-60 lbs since freshman year, though I didn't realize it at the time. I have since gained another 50 lbs because I quit sports due to injury... I gained 40lbs of this in about 2 years, right after high school. I guess for a few years I've been yo-yo dieting, except they aren't diets for the most part, and have gained a net 10lbs more. I'll get into fitness, and shortly after I get into it I either lose motivation or I injure myself and give up for months. Then I start again, or I wait even longer because I'm always afraid of hurting myself.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I had resigned myself to never starting again-- to keeping it up! To getting fit and healthy and skinny for the first time in 10 years. I didn't, and I feel like a loser. I gave up because I stopped seeing progress and I started wanting "real food" (read: junk food). (I had to give up carbs because I am addicted to them. As soon as I eat simple carbs, I crave them all day and binge eat like a zombie. And, I'm eating carbs again...) I was cleaning today and I sprained my wrist (probably the lamest way to sprain your wrist, too) so it reminded me that I stopped giving a rat's behind about myself. I am defeated. I am pissed off at myself.

I realize it's not about motivation-- we all lose motivation. But some of us get right out there, motivation or not. How the heck do you do that? How do you keep going, curb fear, curb doubt, and keep going?

It seems so simple, Just Do It™, but I'm embarrassed to even leave the house for work and school that going to the gym has me hating myself. Not seeing progress and having to go slow makes it seem impossible.

Thanks.

TavistockToad

LullabyLu2016 wrote: »

I realize it's not about motivation-- we all lose motivation. But some of us get right out there, motivation or not. How the heck do you do that? How do you keep going, curb fear, curb doubt, and keep going?

It seems so simple, Just Do It™, but I'm embarrassed to even leave the house for work and school that going to the gym has me hating myself. Not seeing progress and having to go slow makes it seem impossible.

Thanks.

habit...

my habits are to work out 3-6 times a week, to prep my lunch and pre log my food each morning so i know i will hit my macros, and eat the odd treat that fits in my weekly cals.

noblsheep

Well... once I get going, I get addicted to exercise. Three days without a run and I feel like crap. Doesn't get much more motivating than that.

MichelleWithMoxie

Yep, habit. Make it as habitual as brushing your teeth every day.

pockornJulie

Remember why you started. Find your wellness muse and own it. Find a way to push away the embarassment and shame by focusing on the small successes. They can be miniscule, but they are worth focusing on. Heck, sometimes the fact that part of me even WANTS to workout is what i call a success! Ha! Sometimes it is bigger, like realizing I can do more, go further, and lift heavier than I could have a year ago! Sometimes, it's somewhere else, entirely, like realizing that my over-all body aches and pains are less, on a daily basis, than they were a year ago.

Goals are personal. Wellness is personal. Learning to be grateful to myrself for the tiny successes helps get me further than just reminding myself of how far i have yet to reach.

Above all else, remember that you were born to bring beautiful moments into this world. Moments are, after all, what make up life's memories.

88olds

Good news is that good habits, once in place, are just as habitual as bad habits.

But this-specially when starting, good habits need to be defended. Yes, sometimes there is a “just do it” aspect. Sometimes I just go to the gym because it’s that time and worry about what I do when I get there.

But willpower is a limited resource. Employ it to support your good habits and you’ll get the most out of it.

kommodevaran

I would like to address the thing you call carbs addiction. It is a very controversial subject, but I look at it like this: Simple carbs is sugar, and sugar is found naturally in fruit, vegetables and milk. Sugar is also refined from plants, sugar cane and sugar beets, and added to many foods. Of course there are more nutrients in fruit and milk than in cookies and candy, but the sugar is treated the same by your body. To avoid something that is easy available and appealing, is almost impossible, and setting oneself up for impossible tasks, is setting oneself up for failure. Not being able to adhere to your too strict rules, you will constantly feel like a failure. Negative emotions are often dealt with by eating, typically typical comfort foods, which just happen to be the exact same foods you are trying to avoid. Do you see the problem here? And how you can use that insight to your benefit?

You don't gain weight from eating junk food, or even from not exercising. You gain weight from eating too much over time.

Regarding not seeing progress and having to go slow, keep in mind that changes to you body are and will always be slow. You have to be patient and diligent. You can't speed up the process. All you can do is make it less painful.

edmudman

LullabyLu2016 wrote: »

I realize it's not about motivation-- we all lose motivation. But some of us get right out there, motivation or not. How the heck do you do that? How do you keep going, curb fear, curb doubt, and keep going?

It seems so simple, Just Do It™, but I'm embarrassed to even leave the house for work and school that going to the gym has me hating myself. Not seeing progress and having to go slow makes it seem impossible.

Thanks.

You have to remind yourself constantly why you are doing something and ask which do you want more, your old life or the one you are working towards ? No one can make you do something, you're the only one who drive yourself forwards, no matter how slowly it might seem. If you're taking action then that's more than 99% of the population are doing. Motivation doesn't last, you need to be driven. I have to kick my @ss out of bed every day at 4 am, otherwise I won't achieve my goals. Sure, I'd rather sleep longer, but then I wouldn't get fitter.

usadragon16

Like others have said, I truly had to turn it into a habit. There are days I'm way more motivated than others, but the habit has carried me through. The key is to find something(s) that you can get excited about (at least initially) and make them habits. Eventually, you will do them like getting dressed, going to work, etc.

VictorSmashes

kommodevaran wrote: »

I would like to address the thing you call carbs addiction. It is a very controversial subject, but I look at it like this: Simple carbs is sugar, and sugar is found naturally in fruit, vegetables and milk. Sugar is also refined from plants, sugar cane and sugar beets, and added to many foods.

So the reason that simple carbs are well, simple carbs, is that our body digests them much quicker than other carbs. They are addictive because of this. Yes there are sugars in milk and fruits as well (and veggies-- but a LOT of that little bit of carbs is actually fiber, which isn't a sugar), but those are controversial whether we should be eating so much of those as well. Lactose, for example, is thought to be a no-no altogether, and fruit is "okay in moderation" but we need all the other nutrients that come from it. Again, I experience the same addictive qualities with fruits, so I do not consider them an exception.

kommodevaran wrote: »

You don't gain weight from eating junk food, or even from not exercising. You gain weight from eating too much over time.

You don't gain weight from eating junk food, I agree. You do gain weight when you overeat junk (anything), and like I said, carbs are addictive for some people.

---

Thanks to everyone for replying. I'm heading out but I wanted to say so. I will consider these tips today and see how I can fit them in. Cheers

kommodevaran

As a follow-up, because it seems to be called for, negative emotions can also be addictive for some people.

elizabethmcopeland

I would suggest you focus on the good things that you can do and can add to your day, LullabyLu.

Create simple habits that you enjoy, and celebrate the small wins, friend.

If a flower isn't growing, you don't berate it or stop watering it. You check the soil for nutrients, its placement for sunlight, and how much water it gets.

I submit that developing discipline is a form of self love. It has taken me four years to lose 25lbs. But slow progress is progress. Maintaining is progress. Finding a balance for your life is progress.

I started by finding an activity I enjoy and want to do regularly (lifting).

While I was developing that habit, I started focusing on adding lean protein and shooting to hit 1g/lb Lean Body Mass per day.
I found high protein snacks that I _enjoy_, like turkey pepperoni and low fat string cheese. (also a serving of frozen blueberries with Oikos triple zero vanilla yogurt...let it sit a minute and get all frozeny YUM)

Then, when I had that habit down-pat, I started adding a bag of frozen veggies to most of my meals.

When I had that habit lined up, I started looking at what a caloric deficit looks like for me.

That's not the process you need to follow, you could figure it all out and do it faster, but my point is you're beating yourself up and sometimes just trying harder isn't always the answer. Sometimes meandering and just trying something new, slowly, is A OK.

I learned a lot from Precision Nutrition, SoheeFit, and Carter Good. You might benefit from poking around their sites, too.

Best of luck, friend.

VictorSmashes

kommodevaran wrote: »

As a follow-up, because it seems to be called for, negative emotions can also be addictive for some people.

I'm sorry if I came off negative. I agree, negative emotions are also addictive. It's crazy what the human body does! I genuinely appreciate your response before and I think it's food for thought ( ) that simple sugars are widely different from each other, even. In fact, fructose is more volatile to our bodies than glucose (of vegetables) because it can directly (well, more not-so-directly) turn into fats in the body. One theory that fructose is more addictive and you tend to eat more of it, is because of the way it's processed differently from glucose, and our body doesn't recognize the chemical until it's too late.

elizabethmcopeland wrote: »

While I was developing that habit, I started focusing on adding lean protein and shooting to hit 1g/lb Lean Body Mass per day.
I found high protein snacks that I _enjoy_, like turkey pepperoni and low fat string cheese. (also a serving of frozen blueberries with Oikos triple zero vanilla yogurt...let it sit a minute and get all frozeny YUM)

Then, when I had that habit down-pat, I started adding a bag of frozen veggies to most of my meals.

Did you end up cutting things out (intentionally or unintentionally) from your diet? If so, when did you notice that start to happen?

I've noticed that for the most part I don't even want and can't stomach most of the junk foods I would eat (when I'm eating clean) until there's just one thing I really want and then it's all kaput.

elizabethmcopeland

LullabyLu2016 wrote: »

Did you end up cutting things out (intentionally or unintentionally) from your diet? If so, when did you notice that start to happen?

I've noticed that for the most part I don't even want and can't stomach most of the junk foods I would eat (when I'm eating clean) until there's just one thing I really want and then it's all kaput.

Well, for starters, my diary is open, so you're welcome to look and see what I've cut out or (most likely) not.

The answer in general is that I make reasonable swaps so I can enjoy the things I really want to enjoy. Sometimes I'll have cauliflower rice with a stirfry so I can focus on having more carbs for a beer or whiskey. But I'm asian and I really like rice, so some days I will definitely eat rice. Yum.

I've also become fairly picky about what I put in my mouth. There _are_ things that I've cut out like hot pockets, potato chips, and store brand prepackaged chocolate chip cookies. The reason? I'd rather have pizza instead of hotpockets, Five Guys french fries instead of potato chips, and actual homemade chocolate chip cookies instead of the crappy crumbly ones.

One of the things I've been doing is having a Pop-Tart (or sometimes a Lenny+Larry's cookie) before I workout. I like what they taste like and I build my days calories around them. Maybe you would benefit from building in reasonable servings of things you just enjoy in general instead of cutting them out completely.

You can also do the whole reward-yourself-by-doing-the-hard-thing-first. I also did this. When I had a craving starting out, I followed this general rule: "You can have [a reasonable serving of] that if you have something with 20g protein first". For you maybe that's "drink a glass of water", "have a serving of vegetables", or the protein thing.

elizabethmcopeland

elizabethmcopeland wrote: »

I'd rather have pizza instead of hotpockets.

I realized that this wasn't 100% true. I've also found swaps that work for me that allow me to get what I want or am actually craving vs. just what is on hand. Case in point for pizza, sometimes I'll do a Digiorno Extra Thin Crust pizza, which gives me the delish feeling of pizza with a few less carbs, and no protein, but a reasonable amount of fat. (and even then, I'll eat a big salad with a protein along side it so I feel fuller.) Other times I'll do Real Good Food Pizzas, which have almost no carbs but a ton of fat and protein. Other times, I'll just eat normal pizza. (Still, often with a salad, eaten first, for volume so I don't gorge on the 'za.)

All that said, you've gotta learn yourself and be realistic about what you truly want, what your habits are, and what triggers you into overindulging. You're not a slave to a cycle if you're conscientious about how it is perpetuated and your role in it.

emmamcgarity

The biggest thing that helped me with binges is to log it all in my food diary. No matter how many calories over. Sometimes logging quite tearfully. But over time making myself accountable for the binge helped me reduce the size and frequency