Changing the dialogue about "OMG you lost how much? Well, you look great"...

lc_simmons

When some one has lost some or a significant amount of weight most people will say "you look great/fabulous" etc., but I feel this this day and age of people [body] acceptance it's antiquated and kinda backhanded compliment, i.e., "are you saying I didn't look great before?" which is NOT what the person is saying nor intention at all. Saying "You look great" is just what people say to be supportive and happy for the person. But everyone's weight loss/maintenance story is deeply personal, and it's time to update the language.

So, I ask the members two questions:

• What are some alternatives to the "you look great/fabulous" ... statement?
• How would you / do you respond when given a compliment about your weight loss?
  
  (For the record, now having the confidence of 40+ years on this earth I have been known to respond 'I know right, but I looked great before', but that's can be interpreted as aggressively passive-aggressive).
  
  Thanks for your feedback. Good luck with whatever journey you're on.

AtLeastOnceMore

In Australia, we tend to be a bit blunter about things. A typical conversation about my weight loss will go.

Other person: Hey, you've lost weight.
Me: Yep
Them: Nice.

Occasionally followed by "How'd you manage that?"

Conversation done. lol

malibu927

I just thank them for the compliment and move on with the conversation

Vonny198334

I've never really been comfortable with compliments but that's on me... absolutely believe most folk mean well so I just say thankyou to those I don't know so well & say "oh shoosh you!" while hugging those that I do know well

I'm not sure what an alternative to "you look fantastic/beautiful/great/amazing/teeny" (those are some I've had) would be.
At first I felt very much...bristley about the whole thing...oh...so I looked awful before??

Truth bomb...I absolutely did. There's no getting around it. 73lbs ago I was lethargic, my confidence was through the floor (that's hard to admit, I always said I was happy with myself)..transpires I barely lifted my head! When I look back at old photos it's not the size difference I necessarily see first, it's the lack of smile, no sparkle in my eyes (I was in physical pain a lot) & boy....what a pasty, doughy, unhealthy complexion! Massive black rings around my eyes....I looked how I felt - miserable.

Today I'm not thin, I've still 30 odd pounds left to go...but I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror the other day while I was cleaning. I had no makeup on, my hair was piled on top of my head & I was wearing scruffy clothes. But boy was I glowing. Not a spot in sight, even complexion, sun kissed from actually venturing outside without melting in the heat, bright eyes, minimal dark shadows & the best part? I was smiling. I was actually going about my day subconsciously smiling - for no specific reason at all!

Course this is all only my opinion & experience so far, but now when people say "you look amazing!" I choose to believe that's what they're noticing most. I've changed my life for the better & my happiness shows on my face. The fact people care enough to notice & take the time out of their day to be kind is the biggest compliment going I reckon

serindipte

Maybe I'm weird. Someone compliments me on looking great after weight loss, I'm right out there with "Thanks! I lost 50lbs!" (or however many it is at the time.. I'm looking forward to being able to say 50 again). I even like when they continue on to ask "How?", especially if it's someone I know has tried to lose weight, themselves. Then I can tell them how simple it is. (Note: Simple does not mean easy. It's sometimes easy, sometimes not, but it is simple)

GOT_Obsessed

What are some alternatives to the "you look great/fabulous" ... statement?

-I see no need for alternatives for these comments. I don't find them back handed at all. I give and receive them all the time.


How would you / do you respond when given a compliment about your weight loss?

-I usually end up with a huge smile on my face because to me it confirms my hard work has paid off and even other people can see. I just say "Thanks so much! " Sometimes I say "I feel great."

Altagracia220

I don’t know if I agree. I Have old friends here and there who will point out that I’ve lost weight and honestly, it makes me feel good because sometimes I can’t see it or tell the difference when I look in the mirror. So it gives me a little confidence boost. Myself personally, (everyone has a different reason for using mfp and/or trying to lose weight) I started to do this because I didn’t think I looked great to begin with.

lorrpb

I KNOW I look a lot better now than I did 150 lbs ago. I worked HARD for the result. I'll gladly accept all the compliments people choose to give me with a proud smile and a genuine "thanks!"

raviiin

I get what youre saying OP, and if you'd feel more comfortable with an alternative that is less likely to be taken the wrong way, you can say things that don't involve a subjective comment on their appearance, for example you can say something like "congratulations, i'm proud of you/happy for you, that must have been a lot of hard work!"

Zinka61

I had a moment's hesitation when greeting a neighborhood friend who has lost around 100 lbs. I knew she'd had bariatric surgery and was losing but haven't seen her for a while). What came out of my mouth was, "You're a shadow of your former self! How do you feel?" I mulled my response over afterward and am still not sure the first part was right, but I feel better about the second part, focusing on her feelings rather than her looks. She seemed happy anyway, but it's so hard to always say the right words...

determined_M_91

I don't see it as an insult in any way. The person just states the obvious - I do look better than I used to and what's even better is that I feel great too. I think there's always room for improvement no matter where you at on your health journey, even if you're at the finish line. I take it as a way of cheering me on and I am thankful and humbled that people care enough to notice. Normally I just respond with a simple "thank you" and continue on with my day with a boosted confidence and better mood, no need to be too sensitive about it or read too much into it.

beachbody4l

I don't get offended at all. I was ugly when I was fatter. If they say I look good, it's awesome that they noticed. You think I went through all this *kitten* so someone could beat around the bush on how great I look now?

Stockholm_Andy

Just take the compliment. No need to over think things.

elisa123gal

in this day and age, you can't win for losing. i think that is why a lot of people don't mention a persons weight loss. Some love it..others hate the phrasing or don't want it mentioned; and what was intended to be a compliment becomes a problem.

kdbulger

I never give it a second thought when people tell me I've lost weight or look great - I know, it's on purpose that I've lost weight and I'm trying to look great.

If I know that somebody has been working hard on their fitness I'll tell them that they look so healthy and strong/fit. Or that their hard work is apparent.

afflatushead

I totally get what you're saying. I'm ashamed about how I looked and treated my health before and I don't want to talk about it. I actually feel quite accomplished in my life and don't need the focus to be on my appearance. However I've only ever not been annoyed when someone is like "damn girl, body lookin bangin". (My female friends). Focus on how hot I look now not on why I look hot now. Like saying "you look hot now that you've lost weight," is different than just saying I look good.

jgnatca

I start with a gracious thank you.

If I am quizzed further I say it was very, very hard and I had a lot of help. Both true.

I think my response shuts down any closet jealousy.

VUA21

Say "Thanks" and move on. That's it.