Philosophy and Weight Loss / Lifting

honkinballs

Hi, sorry if this is the wrong place I wasn't sure where else to post. I see a lot of posts here of people encouraging each other and posting accountability which is fantastic, but I don't know if what I am looking for is a bit different?

I know it sounds counter productive but I'm not necessarily fond of rest days. I do understand their importance but I often find myself getting lost in my own mind and start self doubting all I've done so far. I have a clear goal, I know the benefits of a healthy life style but when I can't take a day to exert my body I keep asking "why am I doing any of this?"

When I think about it and try to come up with an answer all I can think of is "because I want to"... Shouldn't there be a bigger reason? Then I start asking more existential questions like "why do I exist" so I try to just not dwell on all this too much.

I guess my big question is how do you make a purpose for yourself? I guess if you want to get "spiritual" it feels like I have the body and mind for what I'm doing but no soul. I'm down 120 pounds soon with 50 to go but it seems like all of my drive is subconscious.

hipari

Hmm, it sounds like you might need to do some soul searching on not just weight loss, but on the direction of your life in general. I’ll share some of my story, maybe it will help you.

I have always known I want to have children someday, and I have a pretty strong maternal instinct. The maternal instinct comes, for me, with a spiritual connection to healing and caring. I find love within me for most people in my life and haven’t yet met a person I did not care about at all or did not feel any empathy for. Over the last couple of years, with a lot of thinking about my life, I have developed a rather clear picture of what I want my life to be like. The picture has both details (like what kind of interiors I want in my dream house) and big things, like my profession and my family, and spiritual things like what I want to do to make this world better and what my purpose is (creating as much happiness as I can, both near and far, while having a family and career that both promote happiness around me).

When I was 24, I realized it was time to change because I was standing in my own way, and that my life wasn’t going to magially reform into the life I had pictured, I would have to proactively reach for it and make choices in line with those goals. In addition to doing ”external” things like starting a proper savings plan and reaching out to old friends to keep those friendships together while life changes around us, I realized I would have to work on myself as well. I could not fulfil the mothering instinct and become the mother I want to become if I did not take care of myself and my weight, and thus I would not be able to fulfil my bigger purpose without taking care of my body. My mind conceptualizes and verbalizes what my spirit yearns for and converts those wants to actionable things, and my body executes those actions. It cannot execute those actions, like experiencing pregnancies and taking care of children, if I don’t first take care of myself. I’m 26 now, and I’m getting married next year, graduating from law school by the end of this year (hopefully), my friendships and other interactions are more meaningful, and overall I have started to feel like I’m actually living with and towards a purpose now, opposed to my previous life of just living and drifting along.

I hope this made any sense whatsoever. As to the practical issue of feeling anxious about rest days: have you considered doing some light exercise on those days, like walking or yoga? Maybe you could pick up another hobby altogether, one that doesn’t include exercise?