Desperately need support...

good1wah

I try not to make things a sob story. We all control our own destiny, right? I have made choices that have led me to this account. Hell, I've made choices that led me to my OTHER myfitnesspal accounts that didn't work out -- but perseverance is key, right? How can someone start every day as a "new day" and end it as a train wreck? Every day. Like clockwork.

I'm married, but feel lonely, no support, sure I get some negative comments (and zero positive ones), and if I ask how I look I'll get a smug grin or an eye roll. Yes, I know I'm fat, maybe I just need some assurance I'm worth something. And that's up to me, right? I should know I'm worth something without someone's approval or acknowledgement -- but do I feel like I'm worth enough for all of the work it deserves? I don't know. Despite all of this negative @)#( I'm actually a really goofy, sarcastic guy, but this anxiety makes me feel like someone else.

Anyway, maybe I just need some friends. Maybe I need a MyFitnessPal "wife". ha. I have no idea. But we're on to better habits... hopefully... no... definitely... maybe...

g1w

scootysmom

Don’t be to hard on yourself. I know that is easier said than done. We need to allow ourselves to “mess up”. But still say okay, I’m gonna do better. Please know that you are not alone. We have the power to change ourselves with each new day. Sending you positive thoughts!

Calliope610

Sounds like you have a self worth/self esteem issue that goes deeper than physical appearance.

You want to feel worthy ("worth something")? Do worthy things, such a take care of yourself. I know my self confidence sky-rocketed when I started taking care of me so I could achieve the things I wanted. Physical things, like being able to walk for miles, carry a 40# bag of dog food unassisted, do heavy yard work and other household maintenance chores. I know it doesn't sound like much, but each tiny success, each small achievement builds upon the previous.

Unfortunately, this is all an "inside job", so most likely, even if you gain a harem of MFP "wives", unless you learn to at least like yourself, you will not experience any growth.

good1wah

Thanks guys!! And yeah I was being totally sarcastic when I said "wife", hopefully that came through, but just to surround myself with positive people. That's the goal. I googled "why don't I care about my health" and an article about people not feeling "worthy" of health came up. It rang really true for me. And if I picture someone else saying what I say I'd want to shake them and tell them to snap out of it

busyPK

Sounds like a good time for you to build a support network on here!

emmies_123

Have you spoken to your SO and mentioned that the smug grins/smirks are hurtful and ask them to please stop having that reaction? I am not aware of your personal situation, but I know in my relationship neither one of us is aware that something we think is cute/funny is actually hurting the other person. We have each had to speak up in the past and simply said "hey, I know you think you are being funny when you say/do this thing, but it comes across as hurtful. You know i'm sensitive about 'insert esteem killer', and it hurts that you of all people make digs at this."

good1wah

I've mentioned it, and usually it ends with me being too sensitive. Unfortunately I have to succeed in spite of my relationship versus because of my relationship. I mean, I get it: how often is she expected to talk about this with someone who isn't changing anything. I understand that, but I've said flat out: "Ok, I really need you to say something positive about me" after an insult and she has said: "I can't think of anything". Yup.

Diatonic12

The next time you look in the mirror, know that you are looking at your Best Friend.

You might think someone else is your Best Friend but they are not. Nobody wants you to succeed more than the person staring back at you.

The person staring back at us is the one that we have said some harsh things to, thought terrible things about, treated terribly....things that we would never ever do to those we think are our best friends. If we had, they would never speak to us again.

But the Best Friend in the mirror is still there with you. That friend will carry you, encourage you, assist you and smile back at you as you move through your weight releasing program. Your very own Positive Food Management Program.

You're going to create it and do everything on your own terms. A protocol that will work for you for the rest of your life because it's all yours. It's all fun. Really.

It only takes one day and one decision to quit starting over and over and over again. Forget yesterday's 'flop' even if it was only a minor infraction. Every meal is your opportunity to hit the reset button if you like to see it that way.

Don't let a day turn into a week
Don't let a week turn into a month
Don't let a month turn into a year
Don't make up for overeating by undereating
Remind yourself how far you've come
Track your food here
Drink water like it's your job
Repeat this tomorrow

cmriverside

Sounds like both of you could use some couples' therapy.

Both sides have issues, it's not just you and it's not just her. Those comments she made are not okay.

good1wah

Lots of great thoughts, thank you Mari22na!!! That's the dichotomy... I like myself... I do, but I also hear the other voice, what she would say. So if I think I look good, I'll think: "Yeah, but you don't..."

just unhealthy BS. Here's another fun one: I've had this abdominal pain for like 2 years. had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, blood work, ultrasound... nothing... but i'm half convinced my health doesn't matter because i'm already dying. haha. it's a lot of fun in this head of mine. haha.

Diatonic12

No one here can diagnose or analyze anything but stress does a lorra, lorra weird things to the body, brain and gut. I have a relative who uses the internet like a crystal ball in the Wizard of Oz. What should I do about this and what should I do about that, actually hoping for yes or no answers. Hi-larious. Think about sitting down with someone, face-to-face and talking these things out. You're hurting in there. I care.

calderstrake

hey good1wah, I can relate on a few of your concerns. I can tell you that you need a personal goal, something you can picture in your mind that is the outcome of all your planned effort.

The water is no joke; if you do nothing else and only drink water for 30 days it will change your life.

Do you have a budget for supplements?

What is your plan for being out all day, vacation, and other things that can cause you to lose control over your eating plan?

How much time can you commit every day to exercise? Intensity is more important than time, but you do need consistent availability.

good1wah

Thanks Mari... truly... i went to my therapist for the first time in years a few weeks back. helped. i'm a pretty reflective person, so i tend to look inwards a lot... for better and worse. haha.

starryk02

HI good1wah - down days are not good; being around people who are negative is not good for you. You are an amazing person - every morning you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself that; you need to feel good about you! I am sure there are lots of things that you do every day that you may not realize that are great things... the only approval you need is YOURS - I'm sorry your spouse is not helping you on this journey but its not up to your spouse - its up to you and YOU can make yourself feel better. Positive thought - push all the negative ones away - they are wasting time and energy!!

good1wah

Thank you starry

RamboKitty87

Hey, I have a lot of self worth and confidence issues and 2 years ago I would have never in my life thought I'd be exercising and dieting.... I actually find exercising even for 30 mins my outlet for anxiety, frustration basically everything negative gets set free so to speak when I do it, even today I finished my shift at work (I work retail) I went to the gym, spent like 30-50 mins there then walked home, I find that I come out there feeling better, like I have accomplished something plus the calories I burn help as I then get to eat a little more and it helps with the overeating because having more calories to play around with really does help anyway I'm rambling on, here if you need to chat, feel free to add me also MFP is full of supportive members so you will always have support here whether its asking for advice, asking for opinions on recipes or even just to have a little rant on your news feed x

good1wah

Thank you Rambo! You guys rule!