Food pushers!
amberellen12
Posts: 248 Member
Any good suggestions on how to deal with food pushers, bullies, saboteurs?
I’m trying really hard to stay within my daily calorie allowance and then come the food pushers.
One neighbour won’t take no thank you when she invites me for dinner. Her meals are very high calorie and high fat which I have to watch big time with my last lab results being poor.
My partner is another one that is just meal and potatoes guy that isn’t flexible.
And the list goes on....
What’s a graceful way or not so graceful way to get it to stop. It’s hard enough eating to get my health back without dealing with these saboteurs.
6
Replies
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You have already done it. Say "no thank you" and then don't. If they choose to be offended because you do not want to partake, that is their problem. I get pushers all the time and if I have to say no once or twenty times, I'll say it and mean it.
It is annoying, though...26 -
You've just got to say no and be firm. If they keep pushing "I've already said no. I'd appreciate it if you let it go." "I'm not trying to be rude, but I've already said no."11
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You'll either have to just put your foot down or lie. Either way works.
Lies-
Thank you but I already ate.
Sorry I am trying this new fasting diet
Oh gosh I'm allergic but that sounds delicious
If you decide to put your foot down and they keep pushing then you have every right to tell them to cut the *kitten* and if they get mad, so what, you should be the one mad that they won't take no for an answer.
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If someone in your life is really bullying you( since you mentioned the word bully in your op )I would rethink your relationship with that person.
Offering food is most likely not bullying but instead just being pushy. I would tell them no thanks and move forward. Just keep saying no thanks until they stop asking. Or you can invite them to have whatever you are eating instead.
A surefire way to get someone to leave you alone is this- say you are now selling Beachbody or it works supplements. Tell them all about how your multi level marketing supplements are miracles and how you would like them to purchase them monthly and sign up for auto pay. I guarantee that you won't have to deal with them anymore! They will run and stay very far away from you.20 -
The next time the neighbor offers for you to come for dinner say I love to please let me bring some salad. Then go have a nice time with your neighbor take a salad that you've completely control the ingredients and know how much you can eat and for what calories and then have a small portion of the food that they are offering and have a nice evening
With regard to your significant other you can make me and potatoes work. Just for your portions go lighter on the meat, lighter on the potatoes ...and heavier on a side vegetable that you have steamed or a side salad.
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My mom is a food pusher but is just being hospitable. Seems like she offers me everything in the frig and pantry, lol. I just give her a lot of "No, thanks" and eat what I want.
What's wrong with meat and potatoes? Love me some of that! I just eat less than my OH, plus more non-starchy veggies.
My OH and I eat the same meals differently all the time. For example, we're getting subs tonight. He will eat all of his, with Fritos. I will eat half of mine, with a big salad, and save the other half for another meal.8 -
This may not be popular advice but I usually will latch onto ONE thing they offer up (something I really do like even if it might not be the best for my calorie goals) and refuse the rest. I usually lay it on pretty thick saying how great x item is, too. This satisfies a lot of food pushers, because they really do just want to give you food that tastes good and makes you happy.
If it is a situation I find myself in over & over I adopt a different and firm stance, though.4 -
I had a pushy situation recently.
The cake serving time came around at a party.
me - No thanks
Pusher - this is a cake for our anniversary.
me - thanks but none for me.
Pusher - If you don't have some that's just plain rude.
me - Ok but I'm still not interested
pusher - Just give him some he will eat it.
me - nope not going to happen
The cake was put in front of me. It stayed there & was eaten by the guy sitting next to me.
LOL!!29 -
If you wish to remain friends with the pusher's and don't want to hurt feelings I have two pieces of advice:
For small gatherings where you will be noticed: Plan your weekly deficit so you can enjoy a serving of the meal and then decline seconds as "oh i couldn't possibly, i'm too full"
For larger gatherings where guests can mill around the house, if they ask why you don't have more food in front of you just say you already had a full plate, thank you for asking
If you are not worried about hurt feelings with the pusher, than stick to the advice others have given and just say no until they get the point.
My pushers are husband's family, so I fully understand that "no" doesn't always work. At their gatherings I tend to take a low calorie snack for everyone prior to main meal, snack on one or two while they are looking, then when i take too little food (in their opinion) I blame my earlier snacking on filling me up Silly me! 6 -
My wife is the worst! She sulks if I say no to a takeaway on a weekend and has little digs at me about not eating the same foods and stuff at mealtimes. I've just explained that I need to be more healthy, and that it's important to me, and that it's not forever and we will have a takeaway next week on me. She's slowly accepting it, and I'm hoping she'll get in on the act too.7
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It's absolutely true that some people watch what you eat and make a big deal if you pass on something. You have to at a certain time decide that they might judge you/feel displeased by your choice--and be OK with it.
Not everyone will want you to lose weight, because if you're heavier they feel more comfortable for whatever reason. Ultimately, you have to accept that first, and then you'll feel better about turning away potatoes, or whatever food you don't want to eat.3 -
I like to focus on the parts of a situation I can influence or control, rather than on other people (who for some reason are really difficult about wanting to do what they want to do
).
So, I vote for:
* Say "no, thank you" and mean it; or accept but keep portions reasonable.
* Stick to the decision, and don't feel bad about it.
* If they repeat, be firm but polite. Never change my decision with more pressure.
* For someone really close to me (spouse, say) explain plans, needs, and expectations up front, then just act on them, but don't keep going on verbally about it.
* Don't let other people's urging of me become a convenient excuse for my not succeeding in my goals, because only I control what I put in my mouth and swallow.
Remodeling my own behavior and reactions is always way easier than remodeling other people. The latter is basically a lost cause.
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I wouldn’t turn down invitations to socialize with a friend/neighbor because of food. You can explain to this person that you have health concerns and need to watch your whatever intake, and bring something with you. She surely won’t argue with you if it’s about your health.4
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For one, realize that they aren't "saboteurs"...they're only doing what they've always done and you can't really expect everyone around you to change when you're changing things.
For two, are you going to avoid social situations for all of eternity? Part of this process is learning how to deal with these situations. I typically eat lighter the day of and often the day after which just comes naturally after a day of heavy eating. I also look at my diet on the whole...if I'm on point most of the time, not being on point for a social gathering isn't really a big deal and of no particular detriment to my health.
In the early days when I was trying to be really strict with things I simply told people that my doctor had some medical concerns and I needed to watch certain things for awhile...I became more relaxed as time went on and I realized that a particular meal in the context of what I was doing on the whole really didn't matter.17 -
Ok! thanks for all your replies! It’s given me strength to stand my own ground knowing you guys thoughts are all along the same lines on mine.
It just gets tough having to repeat no so many times. I’ve started to become a hermit to stay away from it which isn’t good. I also don’t know how many times I’ve said I’m allergic.. lactose intolerant and a few other foods but when I go there’s the meal with dairy in it or the other foods that bother me. If I took a side dish I would get “what you don’t like my food!” I can’t win for losing!!!
About partner- if I cook for him it looks so good I want some and then too much. I guess it’s a big salad before I eat with him. He can have some too if he wants.4 -
100_PROOF_ wrote: »
A surefire way to get someone to leave you alone is this- say you are now selling Beachbody or it works supplements. Tell them all about how your multi level marketing supplements are miracles and how you would like them to purchase them monthly and sign up for auto pay. I guarantee that you won't have to deal with them anymore! They will run and stay very far away from you.
Thank you! And great idea, totally going to use this.3 -
I would have fun with it and turn it around on them. The next time they ask to go to dinner say you have been too nice. Why dont you cone to our place instead and then make a meal more up your alley.7
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amberellen12 wrote: »I also don’t know how many times I’ve said I’m allergic.. lactose intolerant and a few other foods but when I go there’s the meal with dairy in it or the other foods that bother me. If I took a side dish I would get “what you don’t like my food!” I can’t win for losing!!!
About partner- if I cook for him it looks so good I want some and then too much. I guess it’s a big salad before I
OMG no do not think you are losing in this situation. I am also severely intolerant of dairy, and have a tree nut allergy. For things like this, regardless of the person's relationship to you, stand your ground guilt-free. If you eat their main dish you are going to be extremely ill, you are turning down their food because you do not have a choice.
4 -
Have a little bit of your neighbor's food and say you're not very hungry. Or be honest and say that you're trying to lose weight, if they can't respect that, they can't really be surprised next time you say no.
For your partner, make meat and potatoes but go light on the butter on the potatoes and serve veggies with them - then eat a lot of the veggies. Or find lower calorie recipes that you can both enjoy (skinnytaste is awesome).
Honestly, the whole 'pushing food' thing is a mindset. 'naturally slim people' have no problem saying no, or just eating a little bit, or eating lightly to save calories for a delicious dinner (I guess that would be my question though - is it actually good?), and still have a reasonable portion size.
The bottom line is that nobody can force you to eat food you don't want to eat. I'm quite convinced that we are the ones making it a much bigger problem than it is because we unconsciously really want to eat the food. Think about it - if someone offered you something you hate, or were allergic to, would you even consider saying no? Would you even feel guilty about it? NO. Bottom line is - if you really don't want to eat it, say no and don't even feel bad about it. If you want it, just have a small portion.
8 -
My wife is the worst! She sulks if I say no to a takeaway on a weekend and has little digs at me about not eating the same foods and stuff at mealtimes. I've just explained that I need to be more healthy, and that it's important to me, and that it's not forever and we will have a takeaway next week on me. She's slowly accepting it, and I'm hoping she'll get in on the act too.
I'd be sulky, too, if my husband was controlling what I eat just because he's on a diet. 6 -
xbowhunter wrote: »I had a pushy situation recently.
The cake serving time came around at a party.
me - No thanks
Pusher - this is a cake for our anniversary.
me - thanks but none for me.
Pusher - If you don't have some that's just plain rude.
me - Ok but I'm still not interested
pusher - Just give him some he will eat it.
me - nope not going to happen
The cake was put in front of me. It stayed there & was eaten by the guy sitting next to me.
LOL!!
Very rude. Do you go to these anniversaries every day or were these people not important to you or what? You could have had 1 or 2 small bites surely instead of making a matter out of it! Wasn't going to ruin your whole progress!
27 -
gebeziseva wrote: »xbowhunter wrote: »I had a pushy situation recently.
The cake serving time came around at a party.
me - No thanks
Pusher - this is a cake for our anniversary.
me - thanks but none for me.
Pusher - If you don't have some that's just plain rude.
me - Ok but I'm still not interested
pusher - Just give him some he will eat it.
me - nope not going to happen
The cake was put in front of me. It stayed there & was eaten by the guy sitting next to me.
LOL!!
Very rude. Do you go to these anniversaries every day or were these people not important to you or what? You could have had 1 or 2 small bites surely instead of making a matter out of it! Wasn't going to ruin your whole progress!
When I attend a function, I go to enjoy the company of those around me, not to make sure I eat for the pleasure of others.27 -
I don't think refusing the cake was rude. Trying to force unwanted food onto people is rude.25
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Just a comment: How and whether one receives (or rejects) celebratory food politely in a social setting is something that varies by subculture. Refusing it is rude in some subcultures, seen as a repudiation of hospitality or of what's being celebrated - an insult. In other subcultures, it's a neutral act, with no implications. Sometimes, it's considered polite to accept but OK not to eat any, or to eat only a bite. We can easily get our etiquette wires crossed, especially in a modern, very mobile world.
I assume the person reporting the events is in the best position to judge whether rejecting the cake is rude, or not. Judging the people involved without direct knowledge, let alone judging the people who're judging the people involved, seems kind of pointless. But that's just my opinion. 17 -
I don't concern myself with etiquette when it comes to my body. My body, my choice.9
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I’ve decided that people need to learn that “No means no” in ALL situations. I completely agree with the above poster. My body, my choice. I’m not going to eat or drink booze just to make YOU happy.
Going against societal norms of “gatherings” makes people REALLY uncomfortable. So they push and push and push no matter how often you say “no” because you can’t possibly mean it. That’s just not how things are done at parties/celebrations/get togethers.
But no. I’m not about to eat something that I really don’t want to just to keep the peace and make the other person feel comfortable. Why does that become my responsibility? Why is it not there responsibility to take “no” as an answer?
I mean think about the lessons this is teaching us. Is sex the only time people are expected to be allowed to have autonomy over what happens with our body, but for everything else we should just “give in a little” in order to make the people around us happy?
Noooo, I don’t think I’m down with that.
My body. My choice. ALWAYS. In ALL things.15 -
gebeziseva wrote: »xbowhunter wrote: »I had a pushy situation recently.
The cake serving time came around at a party.
me - No thanks
Pusher - this is a cake for our anniversary.
me - thanks but none for me.
Pusher - If you don't have some that's just plain rude.
me - Ok but I'm still not interested
pusher - Just give him some he will eat it.
me - nope not going to happen
The cake was put in front of me. It stayed there & was eaten by the guy sitting next to me.
LOL!!
Very rude. Do you go to these anniversaries every day or were these people not important to you or what? You could have had 1 or 2 small bites surely instead of making a matter out of it! Wasn't going to ruin your whole progress!
I don't think it's rude, you know what I think IS rude though. Pushing something on someone that they obviously don't want and then being rude and making a matter out of it when they say no....SHE is the one that made a matter out of it, all he said was "no thank you" and she should have left it at that. She had no idea why he might not want cake, none whatsoever and it's none of her business, he might be allergic, or absolutely hate cake, she just needed to get over it instead of forcing something on someone, I personally can't stand pushy people that don't listen. If it's someone I truly care about, then that means they care about me too and wouldn't want me eating friggin cake if I didn't want it and especially not to waste it by only taking a bite or two.12 -
Just say, "I'm going to skip the cake. So how is the new dog? Is he housetrained yet."
Or, if you feel like saying no to the cake is mortally wounding...do you know you can accept a piece of cake, stick a fork in it and mush it around, and not necessarily eat it? If you feel like saying no to the cake is going to be a relationship destroyer? Just get very engaged in the conversation and it will be as if you forgot to eat it.
I think there's this assumption that other people are obsessed with whether what you put on your place makes it into your stomach and that's really rarely true. Sure, you might get the occasionally "jealous sibling" who is absolutely transfixed by how you've lost weight and is watching every bite you take, but most people DGAF.6 -
find new people to be around.
no one in my life tries to make me eat. Could be because they know i have OCD (not related to weight loss), could be because they know i watch what i eat, could be for any number of reasons. They tend to tell me where to find the food, in case i want some. I usually say thanks and skip it all. My friend made some salsa last week and i thought she was going to faint when I actually had some LOLOL
seriously, people learn or they don't. either make room for it, IF it is something you want to partake in, or simply say thanks and decline. People who dont learn my quirks will quickly find themselves without my presence.2 -
I feel like even when you have an allergy people can still try and push food on you. I was at a gender reveal party recently where Grandma to be was a huge food pusher. They revealed the gender by cutting into the cake to see if it is pink or blue, it was a boy so the cake was blue. I have a severe allergy to blue dye and it affects me in very strong ways, the most severe reaction being a seizure so naturally I passed on the cake. Well grandma was just not having it saying "but I made it for the baby and you HAVE to have some to celebrate" I continued to tell her I have an allergy to blue dye but she kept insisting as if she did not believe anyone could possibly be allergic to her homemade cake. She was very cold to me the rest of the party and she was personally insulted by my allergy, ugh. I know most people are understanding of allergies but there are still some that will not let it go!11
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