Deserving it?

plaingirly

How do you make yourself realise that you are worth the effort of losing weight and getting fit?

I think that, plus emotional eating, is a big problem of mine. I just don't feel like I deserve to be healthy or to make time to go to an exercise class or to spend extra money on healthy food. I don't feel like I am worth the effort. x

Pearsquared

That's probably one of the hardest challenges of getting healthy, and it's something that I still struggle with. The first thing you can do is convince yourself to be selfish. After you work on that, you can convince yourself that what you're doing is not selfish because you need to do it.

conniemaxwell5

The best way to convince yourself that you're worth it is to start saying it, whether you believe it or not. When it's time to work out say, "this workout is important because I'm important." When it's time to cook or choose something to eat say, "I have value so the food that I eat needs to have value." When you look in the mirror force yourself to think or say good, positive things about yourself.

Often we gauge ourselves by what other people have said to us in the past. Our parents, siblings, and peers say things that go deep and we take them on as the truth. It isn't the truth. You are what you make of yourself, not what anyone else says about you. You can make yourself healthy and fit, no one else can. It's a moment by moment choice, but it's your choice.

Camera_BagintheUK

Well, you've got that message from somewhere. If you could work out where it comes from it might be easier to let go of, but you might need counselling for that - I don't know how much the opinion of strangers can do against a deeply ingrained belief, but for what it's worth, you ARE worth it! You deserve everything life has to offer you, including health, fitness, self confidence and feeling as beautiful as you are :flowerforyou:

thefragile7393

It took therapy for me to realize it. Therapy and books....lots of self-help books, since I seem to do better with those. I am still a work in progress....but it was worth it.

JesterMFP

I think it's part of the much bigger issue of self-esteem and self-respect. It takes time to get from where you are to liking yourself and believing that you deserve good things. I wish I could tell you the answer but although I have been where you are, and turned things around, it's hard to pinpoint exactly how I did it. Somewhere along the line I just realised that I am worth it, and I do deserve it, because everyone does. Everyone deserves to be healthy and happy, at least until they prove otherwise by doing something really awful and unforgivable. I'm a good person and haven't done anything truly awful, so I deserve good things as much as anyone.

Sometimes, holding onto shame or self-loathing actually serves a purpose in someone's life. If you can realise what purpose it serves in your life, it's easier to let it go. Sometimes it's easier to hate yourself and hide away than put yourself out there and risk rejection from other people. Sometimes it's just because it has become such an ingrained habit that it's hard to do things differently. You have to learn new habits that involve taking care of yourself. Another thing I realised is that it's no one else's job in this world to take care of me. No one - no friend, partner or parent. It's down to me, and if I don't look after myself, no one else will either. I can't wait around for someone else to convince me I'm worth it, or deserve it. I get to make that choice for myself. That's what it comes down to in the end - choice. You can choose that you're not worth it, and sit around tired and miserable, and weighing 58 lbs more than you'd like to weigh, telling yourself that you haven't lost the weight because you don't deserve it. Or, you can pick yourself up, decide to start caring for yourself, and do something about it. Make that change. Start acting as if you're worth it, and you will start to believe it. Once you believe it, it becomes true. And, one thing I've realised recently: liking yourself and believing in yourself feels really, really good. It makes life a lot more fun.

This wasn't really supposed to be a motivational pep-talk and I'm sorry I don't have practical answers, but some things that have helped me have been cognitive behavioural therapy (as a self-help tool out of books), professional therapy, and treating my underlying depression. I've also found it really helpful to try new things like running and weight lifting. They have allowed me to set and achieve new goals, build confidence and prove to myself that I can do things I thought I couldn't. I go and run because I want to run; it has nothing to do with being worth it or deserving to lose weight - it's because it's an enjoyable hobby now. Confidence, self-esteem and self-belief won't arrive overnight, but in the meantime, you can incorporate things into your life that are enjoyable in themselves, and help to build those things too.

KenosFeoh

I don't know about deserving it, but what really hangs me up is the fact that I've regained the major weight that I lost (30+ pounds) every time (4) so far. So at least half of me is not on board, making this time a halfassed effort to start with. I keep trying to find a way to push through it, though.

plaingirly

I think it is probably a self esteem issue - I have never had much confidence at all.

Had my hair cut yesterday into an actual style and am back on the calorie counting and exercising today!

Dunkirk

One step to consider is changing your name from plaingirly. It's untrue for a start, I checked your profile pictures, you are attractive!