Family Influences and finding the middle ground

laurimaki

An observation I've made recently and have been starting to delve into more - I think our relationship with food largely stems from our family. I think my weight struggles and love of food comes from my family. I'm not blaming my family for my size, just observing how my mind has been molded vs. some of my friends' minds. I was raised as a kid this way and it's the same way I am as an adult now. Family gatherings are focused on food. When I go out and do something with friends it almost always revolves around food for me. Even when I go out for a bike ride, disc golf, swim, etc, anything!, I just am thinking about what I am going to eat and where we are going to eat it.

I mean, confession (this happens almost every day) I just caught myself eating breakfast (a banana with some peanut butter), while daydreaming about what I was going to eat for lunch and how long I needed to wait before crushing it, WHAT?!? Haha.

A friend I do a lot of things with made me have this revelation because he is not food-centric like I am. He eats as an afterthought. He sometimes "forgets" to eat. He just doesn't care about or prioritize food. I can't even fathom that. When he told me he forgets to eat for a whole day, I almost felt insulted, my comeback of course was to tell him "no wonder you're so small, I've eaten bigger meatballs than you". All in good fun of course. Honestly though, how has your family shaped the way you view food? I like to believe there's some middle ground that I need to find. Obsessing about food 24/7 is not working for me but I realize that and am trying to change. I also don't want to be like him and not enjoy eating or going out for dinner, etc.

Any tips/comments/suggestions? Are you food-centric or does it not control you the way it does me? How do you garner control back over your food? How do I find the right balance? It's a never ending battle.

I am definitely eating enough as my weight continues to yo-yo. I just LOVE food. So how do I LOVE food, but appreciate more what I'm eating instead of just trying to eat all of the foods?!

FL_Hiker

I agree with you! When I was a kid if I didn't eat my food quick enough someone would take it right off my plate, either my dad, sibling, mom or dog! Somehow I've always managed a healthy BMI even at my heaviest now but food has always been a priority to me... my husband can't believe how fast I eat!!! My parents were both slightly overweight when I was a kid, meal times were like watching a pack of ravenous wolves. My dad had a heart attack last year and is now vegetarian , I still don't like eating with them because they stress out over food so much. When my mom comes over to my house to this day she raids my pantry eating all our chips, cookies, etc... stuff that's old stale and expired because we forget it is even there and she never sits down to eat which drives me nuts because she makes a mess everywhere

Diatonic12

There's not one single animal or creature in the wild or wildlife that suffers with obesity. Not one.

It's only when the humans get involved that it can all go to multi-cr@p. Overstuffing the dog or cat or horse or livestock in the feedlot. Our modern way of eating is much softer than it was a 100 years ago. People like soft dense foods like ice cream.

Our foods are deliberately engineered to be highly craved. We are better off without the highly engineered industrial foods. Artificial creamers and other faux toppings for pies, things like that.

All of these carefully tuned snack foods lead to lack of control and inevitably making a mess out of everything. Keeping these things to minimum rather than a maximum helps.

AlabasterVerve

I don't know but I know personally becoming obese "broke" something that resulted in food issues I never had before.

I had a normal appetite for most of my life - meaning I got hungry, I ate until full and then stopped eating and didn't eat or think about food again until I was hungry. I suffered from depression for a period of time and in a few years managed to eat my way to morbid obesity. The depression started to lift and I made the changes you'd expect to correct my weight/regain my health except something was wrong with me. I was insatiably hungry with a drive to eat and keep eating even when I was uncomfortably, physically full.

Counting calories I was successful losing weight but my life revolved around food and how much and when I could eat again. Every day was a struggle.

There is not a doubt in my mind that my food "issues" are a result of something physical and not an emotional attitude towards food or learned behavior for me. Eating a fairly strict low carb diet either corrects whatever I broke or works around it - and to date it's the only thing I've found that works. I have a normal appetite again as long I keep my carbs low - if my let my carbs get too high all of the hunger/obsessive/compulsive food thoughts return.

AnnPT77

I like food, always have, always will. It's pleasurable.

At 62, I'm way too far into the experience of adulting to blame my family for anything about me. I've somehow managed to develop many bad habits they never molded into me; I'm not gonna blame them for a few bad habits they may've had that somehow affected me. It's all on me.

As someone who enjoys food, I think about it quite a lot. I'm enjoying food more, since weight loss, frankly . . . not just eating it, but also shopping for it, planning it, cooking it, etc.

I used to pretty much just shovel whatever into my mouth. That "whatever" included plenty of nutritious foods, but serious excess calories, and a lack of selectivity and discrimination. Now, the selectivity adds to the fun of it. I want to spend my daily calories getting the best nutrition and the most tastiness I can get, so I'm more discriminating about what I buy and how I cook it, to accomplish that. That makes it more fun, for me. (It's like tastiness & nutrition Tetris. ).

Because I eat less volume of food than before, I can sometimes afford to spend a bit more on some higher-quality special foods, like delicious exotic tropical fruit or really good cheese. That increases my enjoyment, and rewards good planning (planning = thinking about food ).

Fitting in all my nutrition and having the calories for some extra treat food that's maybe a little less nutrition dense, but really delightful tasting? That's like leveling up in a video game. I'm certainly not going to waste calories on stupid, unsatisfying, undelicious food (no matter how nutritious it is).

I don't know what will work for other people, because we're all different, but this is working out reasonably well for me, as of the start of year 3 in maintenance.

zyxst

My family taught me to eat privately or be made fun of/humiliated/called out in public for how I eat.

I would like to trade my thinking about food all the time with someone who forgets to eat.

Ninkasi

laurimaki wrote: »

how has your family shaped the way you view food?

Snacks/junk food were absolutely not a thing in my house growing up. No candy, no cookies, no chips, no pop, nothing. McDonald's was a birthday treat, not a "we're running late so we'll hit the drive-through" contingency plan. My mom's idea of "fun" cereal was the shredded wheat with the frosting on one side. You want a snack? Eat a carrot or a piece of fruit. Meat was all well-done, vegetables boiled into submission.

I have read in other places that when parents are super tight when it comes to junk food, once kids get out on their own they eat ALL THE JUNK because they never had the opportunity to do it before, and that's exactly what happened to me when I left for college. Fortunately I got it out of my system - I found out excessive junk food gives me heartburn, not sure if that's real or psychosomatic. In college I dated a chef and learned about the joys of medium-rare steak and raw or al dente vegetables. I got curious, learned to cook, and got pretty good at it. My mom still makes comments about my "disordered" food habits (i.e., I'm not cooking and eating the same way as her) but my husband keeps me from second-guessing myself.

pinuplove

My .02 is that nurture is probably a contributor, but so is nature. I have 2 sons. One enjoys food immensely and has a tendency toward chubbiness (particularly before a growth spurt, but those will end eventually). The other eats to survive and pegged the growth charts on height, but always fell in the bottom 25-15% for weight. Same home, same meals, same environment and influences. Very different attitudes toward food. (They're both teenagers now, btw.)

Lounmoun

I think about food a lot. I love to cook. I collect recipes. I plan meals far in advance. I buy groceries once a week. I prepare almost all meals for my family from home. I prelog my food for the day every morning.
I don't consider the amount I think about food to be a negative. I feel that thinking about food so much I am prepared to make better choices. I don't feel that my thoughts of food are intrusive or excessive.

I really don't think I am much like my family of origin when it comes to food so much. They always made too much food for the amount of people and I tend to make smaller amounts. They never planned meals or even had a grocery list most of the time. They loved to eat out and I do not. They would have trouble deciding what to eat and I know hours or days before. I'm not saying I am better just very different styles of approaching food. Maybe the disorganization led me to become an excessive planner?

Diatonic12

Ayup. I have some serious and meticulous planners in my family and I wing it. Change it up on a dime. Just give me the bottomline. I can whip up a few ingredients, kick the oven door shut, run around town and throw it on the table. Viola.

amusedmonkey

I also think about food a lot, so I just decided to embrace that. Food is a big part of social interactions and rituals everywhere and throughout history, so I decided to stop blaming myself for being a little more interested in it than typical because it's human nature, not a deadly sin. Some are geared for it more, some less. I'm geared for it more, and that's alright. I'd think with my food seeking interest and my energy preservation tendencies, I would have made an awesome early human.

Family and friend gatherings always have food, and I enjoy the food and the company. Many of my good memories as a child of being happy and loved revolve around food, so I don't doubt that had an effect on my interest in it as an adult, but I don't see it as a bad thing. Enjoying pleasurable things is not a deadly sin if done right.

I pride myself on my ability to fully enjoy experiences and seek them. I buy nice smelling shower gels, actively seek to wake up earlier when it's rained early to enjoy the morning breeze and how the grass and soil smell after rain, I buy things that look and feel nice, I play games that suspend reality and take me to beautiful realms...etc. I don't feel like these things are shackles or that I should feel guilty about enjoying them, why would I feel any differently about enjoying food? Food is as much about the experience as it is about fuel. Just like some people appreciate and enjoy art and others couldn't care less for it, it's okay for people not seek all the same experiences. My sister can't even imagine how I don't enjoy watching sports, I just don't. Doesn't make either of us better than the other, and one person's experience is not an insult to another's.

CSARdiver

This only became a problem recently with our abundance. Note that the feasts of old were exceedingly rare and very expensive. These were not intended to happen every day or week or even monthly. Food is an exceptional bridge builder and should not be removed, just moderated.

Focus on quality and savor as opposed to consuming mass quantities.