How do you succeed at eating better when nobody else in the house is interested/supportive?

bfronny

My husband and I are both working on losing weight. I'm trying to do it through a calorie deficit throughout the day and eating healthier foods, whereas he is content with basically starving himself until the evening and just eating whatever. I try to keep the junk food out of the house, but he thinks he's being sweet by buying me my favorite snacks, despite my best efforts of getting him not to. Any advice regarding this?

brookielaw

Be firm and tell him that you plan on losing weight your way and that the snackies, while sweet and somewhat thoughtful, are not helpful. Maybe offer some other snack ideas, or health-related items. (What I could really use are some new googles, a swim cap, shoelaces, inserts for shoes, workout shirts, shorts, a pedometer, a fitbit...whatever). If you want the snack, make it fit your macros. If you aren't able to handle that temptation, tell him.

88olds

Don’t eat them. Stubornly refuse. When the pile gets big enough, he’ll figure it out and quit.

Or, throw them out.

kristingjertsen

The best way to handle this is to keep doing what works for you and find some supportive friends to encourage you on your journey. I agree it can be very frustrating to watch a family member sabotage his own health and sometimes the health of others. As for the favorite snacks, I finally learned to say, "Please don't buy X because you know it is my favorite and may get me off track." I had to throw out some of these "gifts" before the message finally got through that I was not willing to sabotage my progress. Keep eating healthy, getting exercise, and finding non-food rewards to celebrate your progress. And yes, sometimes this means cooking two separate dinners or staying home while everyone else in the family goes out for Italian or BBQ.

snowflake954

Have a special cupboard or box where you put his "gifts". Thank him for each one. When you can afford a treat, take one out. Give them away now and again. Everyone has their own method for weightloss. He has his--you have yours.

kbmnurse1

Tell him to cut the crap.

dsboohead

Pick up those snacks that you don't wish to partake in, put them on the counter and proceed to bang them flat with a pan and calmly slide them into the trash,
I think he will get the idea that you are serious.
Don't ever Look for someone else for support even spouses! You are your own best friend in regards to managing yourself!

kimny72

Ask him to bring you home flowers instead of snacks.

Having said that, if you are cutting out all your favorite treat foods, he might be concerned that you are over-restricting and making yourself miserable. Maybe make a point of saving a couple hundred calories to enjoy a treat food with him every once and awhile. Did you guys used to bond over that sort of thing? Have you asked why he continues to bring the stuff home when you've asked him not to?

bfronny

Thank you all for the responses so far! I've gotten a good laugh out of some of the bluntness!

I have TERRIBLE self control, so it usually helps me to completely say no to the junk at first until I get into a rhythm. Then I can manage allotting calories for treats. This is the first time since he and I have been together that I'm finally trying really hard to get myself under control, so hopefully he will be able to take that seriously and learn it's not quite as sweet as he thinks it is!

Diatonic12

Food = Love

It can be a mystery why family members don't support us in the way we need to be supported. Mostly, it's because they are fearful of change. There's the power struggle, who gets to say what we eat in this house. If you can't rid yourself of trigger foods be direct. Tell him you would like his support.

dsboohead

Unfortunately it is too easy to use other people as a justification as to why we can't succeed.
You have to be prepared to be tough with yourself within your guidelines.
Just use my bang and slide technique. He will get the idea or HE will have the bang and slide technique used on him

bikecheryl

bfronny wrote: »

Thank you all for the responses so far! I've gotten a good laugh out of some of the bluntness!

I have TERRIBLE self control, so it usually helps me to completely say no to the junk at first until I get into a rhythm. Then I can manage allotting calories for treats. This is the first time since he and I have been together that I'm finally trying really hard to get myself under control, so hopefully he will be able to take that seriously and learn it's not quite as sweet as he thinks it is!

I'm the same with self control and had to be really blunt and honest with my husband. I told him that I was simply not as strong as him and asked him to help me. It was the first time I've ever openly admitted to weakness, I think it took him by surprise.

Ninkasi

I hope I'm wrong on this, but it kind of sounds like he's undermining you. Is he afraid of change? I get that food = love, but love also = helping my loved one reach their goals.

If my husband told me "please don't buy X at the grocery store, I don't have any willpower when it comes to that" I would do my best to forget X ever existed and channel my urge to buy him things into gifts like brookielaw suggested - heart rate monitor, new running shoes, cushy running socks or whatever.

Ultimately you are your own biggest supporter. Sometimes spouses don't support you, and sometimes they want to but can't manage to do it in a way that actually makes you feel like they've got your back, despite their best intentions. I get that you don't want to hurt his feelings or snub his generosity, but isn't your health ultimately more important?

flagrantavidity

I have an idea -

Tell your husband you love him and appreciate him thinking of you. Help him understand that you appreciate his gestures.

Gather 5 to 10 low calorie desert recipes, like this 37 calorie brownie recipe:https://bromabakery.com/2013/04/37-calorie-brownies-and-no-im-not.html
and make a binder/folder with them.

Then tell him the next time he is thinking of you, prepare something from the binder.

This gives him a way to provide you with a treat - to show you that he cares while making it healthy enough for you to eat and stay on track.

rheddmobile

I believe in using words. Tell him it's not actually sweet to ignore your requests and do the opposite of what you asked him to do. If he's been told once, then he no longer has any excuse to "think it's sweet." If he keeps it up, ask him bluntly why he wants you to be fat and unhealthy and die young.

It took a couple of conversations to get my husband on the same page, but he is now. It can work!

WilmaValley

These are GREAT suggestions, thanks!