A year of commitment

daneejela

I was here before. I even lost a decent amount of weight few times. Last time when I got close to my goal I guess I got disappointed because many things stayed the same.
During the time, I forgot why am I doing it and what problem I am trying to solve.

This time, I want to do it slowly and steady. I will use this topic to keep my focus down the road.
I want to lose weight. Around 30 lbs. But more than just losing weight I want to be that person who cares for herself. I want to be that person who is connected with her body. A person who enjoys and nurtures her body's capabilities. I want to give least chances to my genetic illness's predispositions. I want to enjoy proper nutrition, movement, nature, creativity. I want to live life showing gratitude and appreciation for what I have with everyday acts of care and commitment. I want to be my best friend, not my enemy. I want to be playful instead of eatful I want to run, I want to do yoga, I want to dance, I want to bike..
I want to re-learn all this so that I can pass that to my (hopefully) future children.

It's so easy to find excuses in others and in things I don't have control over...but there is a lot of things I do have control over. I want to use that piece of freedom and resources I have to make the most of it.

This year in front of me my goal is to stay focused and active and do small everyday changes.
I need to learn to say "No." and I need to learn to set personal boundaries since most of my binging happens when my boundaries are crossed. I need to learn to separate weigh maintenance from other life challenges. I need to step out of comfort and do proactive things, like go out and buy fresh veggies, find new recipes, try new exercises, etc.
I need to learn to incorporate weight loss into my lifestyle: my job and my everyday duties, not into some imaginary Instagram life. I need to create these long streak of positive changes. I need to exercise my commitment. I need to connect with people who work on similar goals.

They say you need to have specific and measurable goals, but I don't want to focus on things I cannot directly affect (like weight) so I'll focus on my behavior.

I'll commit to being active here every day to reflect on my motivation and reasons why I want to get healthier and I commit to doing small everyday efforts to become closer to my fit self.

The rest I will figure out down the road.

I might reach my lowest weight and become the fittest ever or I can become pregnant and even gain weight but do so in a mindful and healthy way.

P.S. Every one is welcome to join

P.S.S. English is not my native language, so I apologize if even spell checker doesn't help me with not sounding like an idiot

daneejela

Today was more or less same day as most of the days of the previous year. I am still trying to get into that awesome train in which things go smoothly and easy, but today was not the day.
But I've committed to being here every day, so I am here. On the positive side I haven't binge over ice cream and I made some real lunch.

daneejela

Today I watched an interview with Kathryn Hansen and few videos from Amy Johnson..they both are two really smart ladies who have some interesting thoughts on binging.
Kathryn says that binging urges are just a neurological junk which none of us needs to fight, resist, investigate with psychoanalysis etc. She argues that resisting and analyzing only makes those urges stronger, while just accepting the urges as they are without giving them much attention is a way to go.
She also thinks that dieting is the best way to become overweight because with limiting food our desire for it grows stronger.

This belief is in line with some of my thoughts about food, weight, and dieting.
I also think that as humans we hate being in a state of deprivation, and once when we feel deprived we will do whatever we can to never be deprived again.

On the other side, I find very hard to believe that I would be able to be in that state of conscience every time when my cravings come.

I feel like I need more structure in my life to be able to lose or maintain my weight.

daneejela

I was thinking today is it ok to write here on MPF (and on this thread) while I am still doing very little (or nothing) on my weight loss plan.
Yesterday ate pizza in bed and today I am writing here as if I am doing something valuable.
Should I wait for a period when I'll have more self-control and more discipline in my days?

But then I've stopped myself in those thoughts and I started to think that maybe if I overcome this, it's exactly this struggles and fails that might help inspire someone like me.

Once when we create that positive momentum everything seems easy and natural, but there is this huge gap between that "place" and where I am at the moment. In most cases, overcoming that gap it's the hardest part.
It's those days - when you wake up full of optimism and determination and go to bed (painfully) full of food - when most of the battles happen. I might lose few (or many) battles..but I only need to win once.

I remember when I quit smoking - I just quit, and it looked so easy and natural...but before it happened, there was almost a year of preparation, reading, thinking, trying, failing before that final click happened.

So, right now I am failing...I am writing on this thread and eating ice cream and hating myself for it. But, I will not quit, I will go through it, and once when it clicks together, maybe someone like me will read this and think - if she could do it, I can

daneejela

I've skipped evening eating in front of tv yesterday..I felt much ligher today.

daneejela

Today I came across a video about fasting (for medical reasons)..I am thinking about trying a one day fast..maybe that could help me to reset hunger signals and to get me out of this constant snacking routine I've fall into last months.

daneejela

There is this constant dilemma within me: should I cut off some things once for all (like I did with cigarettes) or should I try to find balance in moderation.
One part of my brain tells me that the key is always in moderation, but my other part tells me that there is some junk that we don't need in any amounts, things that serve us just as a tool to be good masochists.
Things that I don't really enjoy, but trigger some bad behaviour.

I guess I would enjoy occasional cigarette, but I am not a smoker any more, so I don't even think about that. It's just something I don't do.

I don't see reasons why not to get out some of my eating habits in the same way.

Btw. by junk I don't think on junk food in total. I just mean on things that really don't get me any real joy or benefit.

So, here are few things I've come across that I don't really think I need in my life, not now, not ever.

- eating in a car (I feel like a pig when I accidentally sit onto hidden residues of last trip's food)
- eating in a bed
- popcorns (I have a toothache afterwards, I get all messy, it distracts me from whatever I am watching..)
- most of the pastry (other than bread and occasional croissant)
- packaged snack food, aka "junk" food (chips, etc.)
- almost every food in snackable form (it triggers some OCD behaviour that is hard to stop, so nuts in morning oaks are great, but nuts as a snack - not really)
- chocolates and similar - I don't really like it, most of the time I found it too sweet to enjoy it.
- cakes on a regular basis - I grow up in a Mediterranean culture that makes cakes only for holidays, i.e. few times a year, and I was really good with it most of my life.
- soda and sweet drinks for thirst

daneejela

Last two days I haven't posted anything because I was actually doing good

Yesterday I was thinking about that first motivation when one wants to lose weight.
I think that determination to lose weight after months or years of gaining can be a huge trap.
We see ourselves in this disgusting light, we make our shiny goals, and we want to get there as soon as possible. So soon that we almost have no time to stick with sustainable weight loss plan.

They say you need to accept something before moving onto next level...so I think that we who try to lose weight need to accept our current bodies because only that will give us the patience to endure the whole journey.

If you have 10+ pounds to lose, it will take months or even years until you get there...and during that time, especially during this first period, you'll be going there with this body you have at the moment...body you've built over years.

So, whatever size you are, try to enjoy your body as it is at the moment...enjoy your chubbiness, find something cute in it...because when you're good with who you are and when you accept who you are, then you have the best possible support you'll need.

I am not saying that we should not lose extra weight - we definitely should for millions of reasons. I am just saying that self-acceptance could be one of the answers how to build a patience to do it.

Sorry for the preaching style of writing in this post.

daneejela

I am trying to decide should I weight myself or not...
I see many people here weight themselves regularly and have great results...I have mixed experiences...sometimes it gives me motivation boost, but sometimes it makes me feel inpatient and more or less unsatisfied with the pace of weight loss. Also, I would like to avoid feeling like I am doing something temporary until I reach my goal. Instead, I would like to think about this set of habits as something I normally do, no matter what size I am.

daneejela

Last week I have been doing actually pretty good.
I've stopped eating sweets, cakes and the rest of the food usually referenced as a junk food, although I don't like to call it that way.
For some people that could sound as very rigid...but for me, it's actually how I was eating while I was growing up.
I was raised in a Mediterranean part of a Mediterranean country where cakes and desserts were not a regular part of the diet.
Cakes were reserved for special occasions like holidays, birthdays etc. and very rarely just because mum was in the mood. Most of the year there was some fruit available, like cherries in the spring, watermelons and melons in the summer, grapes and apples in the autumn, dried fruits in the winter...so we never missed any sweets.
In the summer occasionally we would have an ice cream, but back then when I was a kid, they were pretty expensive (or we were poor, I don't know ) so it was an occasional treat.
I've realized I do best on that kind of lifestyle. I would like to set it as an eating framework for my (hopefully) future kids.

daneejela

I'll paste here my today's status: I've been MIA last few days due to back spasm that still refuses to go off completely. But, pain aside, I am in a pretty good place...I was lying all days long without overeating (ok, maybe I've eaten few extra peaches) and without feeling conquered or feeling down.
After experiencing this back problem, I am even more motivated to take better care of my body.

daneejela

I'll post here a vision board that I made a few months ago, but I still find very relevant, as a reminder.

TinaZ2018

daneejela wrote: »

I am trying to decide should I weight myself or not...
I see many people here weight themselves regularly and have great results...I have mixed experiences...sometimes it gives me motivation boost, but sometimes it makes me feel inpatient and more or less unsatisfied with the pace of weight loss. Also, I would like to avoid feeling like I am doing something temporary until I reach my goal. Instead, I would like to think about this set of habits as something I normally do, no matter what size I am.

Hi! My advice is to weight yourself once at 1-2 weeks. Losing weight isn't a descending linear weight. I lost 2 kg, got 1.5 back, lost that even slower, thank i lost 2 kg fast, now I'm going up and down again but since May, I have lost 3.5 kg, so it's fine. Always weight yourself in the morning, after going to the bathroom and being naked. Take into consideration that if in the previous day you ate more salty, you retained water. If you exercised, you muscles are pumped and you have to give them time. If you have you are on your period, you are bloated and so on. You react to everything you do and eat and it even matters the percentages of the macro nutrients you eat.
More importantly, be active, clean up your food intake and the weight will eventually take care of itself. If your focus is only on the scale, you might fall into a depression.

TinaZ2018

daneejela wrote: »

There is this constant dilemma within me: should I cut off some things once for all (like I did with cigarettes) or should I try to find balance in moderation.
One part of my brain tells me that the key is always in moderation, but my other part tells me that there is some junk that we don't need in any amounts, things that serve us just as a tool to be good masochists.
Things that I don't really enjoy, but trigger some bad behaviour.

I guess I would enjoy occasional cigarette, but I am not a smoker any more, so I don't even think about that. It's just something I don't do.

I don't see reasons why not to get out some of my eating habits in the same way.

Btw. by junk I don't think on junk food in total. I just mean on things that really don't get me any real joy or benefit.

So, here are few things I've come across that I don't really think I need in my life, not now, not ever.

- eating in a car (I feel like a pig when I accidentally sit onto hidden residues of last trip's food)
- eating in a bed
- popcorns (I have a toothache afterwards, I get all messy, it distracts me from whatever I am watching..)
- most of the pastry (other than bread and occasional croissant)
- packaged snack food, aka "junk" food (chips, etc.)
- almost every food in snackable form (it triggers some OCD behaviour that is hard to stop, so nuts in morning oaks are great, but nuts as a snack - not really)
- chocolates and similar - I don't really like it, most of the time I found it too sweet to enjoy it.
- cakes on a regular basis - I grow up in a Mediterranean culture that makes cakes only for holidays, i.e. few times a year, and I was really good with it most of my life.
- soda and sweet drinks for thirst

I think moderation is the key. I LOVE food and I cannot feel hungry all the time. I also need small treats from time to time. The point is that you can eliminate bad stuff but you can replace them with good stuff. Believe me... I used to eat as much as my husband and self discipline was hard as hell but reducing portions and replacing bad stuff with good stuff made me feel better... I feel lighter, got rid of being bloated all the time, having cramps and constipation etc. My body loves it and that's clear.
I don't eat in the car or bed but almost always I eat watching a TV series with my husband. Is our little guilty pleasure. Just prepare in advance what you're about to eat, so you can control WHAT and HOW MUCH you eat.
I love caramel popcorn but it when I found out that microwave popcorn isn't safe because it contains chemicals that can increase my risk of cancer, I quit on the spot.
Pastry is all kind of bad. I LOVE pastry but it's of no use for your organism as it's full of bad fat and bad carbs.
Packed snacks are even worse. Quit those. I see what you mean. I can't eat almonds as a snack... find something you like... maybe some fruits or another kind of nuts or seeds. I like sunflower seeds, walnuts, mango. The best thing would be to discipline yourself not to snack so often. My snack time is around 11AM.
Chocolate and cakes are very sweet indeed but it depends on what you choose. Try chocolate with over 60% cocoa. I really like it. Or make a pudding from a well ripped banana and a spoon of cocoa. Or a smoothie. :-)
I don't really have to explain that soda is the one responsible for most of the extra weight. It's like diluted sugar. I gradually quit it at first by replacing with the 'no calories' version (but it's still bad for teeth and stomach) and then I drank the occasional home made lemonade, made with some honey and/or sweetener.
Try to work on your will, self discipline and motivation. Don't be upset that you haven't reached your goal yet (healthy life style, good choices). Appreciate the little good changes you've made so far. You will change yourself but as loosing weight, that will happen gradually and won't be a linear change.
I have my own post (I posted yesterday) looking for support but have no answers yet. It's hard without a buddy but you have to start the change with 'the man in the mirror', as MJ well said. Good luck!

daneejela

@TinaZ2018

I have just seen your post, so sorry for slow reply. THANK YOU a lot for taking time and putting effort into writing this response and going through all my points! Thank you for the support and the helpful tips too!

I do agree with most of what you have said and I do think that we all need to find our "balance point".

At the moment, I ended up with staying away from some kind of foods in my regular days.
I did have a piece of cake last week when my friend had a birthday and I wouldn't mind something like that on similar occasions. But I just don't want that in my daily habits. I really, really don't miss any cake or pastry. In my student days, I ate lots of those cheap, convenient pastry and I feel like I had it enough for one life I truly don't crave it, last few years I was eating it mostly out of habit or respect to the chef.
It sounds a bit funny coming from a person with 30+ extra lbs, but most of the time I really enjoy and crave "normal", "whole" foods, like veggies, fruits, grains, some dairy products etc..
I know dairy is not very good (for a person with hormonal issues), but those are my guilty pleasures where I find my balance point.

Regarding weighting, I decided to stay away from the scale for now and just focus on my habits.

daneejela

For the sake of logging, I'll add that, after my back spasm diminished, I started with my short morning yoga.

It's really short, just a few favorite yoga poses, but it's something I would like to reach 100 consecutive days of it...it's a challenge few years old, that I haven't yet finished, so here it comes one more time :

1/100 7.7.
2/100 8.7.
3/100 9.7.

TinaZ2018

Good job! oooohh I have all kinds of cravings. Over the weekend I couldn't stop craving sponge cake and I found an alternative: A low carb coconut cake with only 72kcal/piece. It was really good and stopped my cravings. I've been dying for my favorite food (fries with a romanian cheese) and today I'm eating it for the first time in 2 months! I'm excited like it's Christmas day, lol! I know it's bad food but I already filled in my food diary so that I won't exceed the 1200 kcal goal, even if it's a cheat day. I wouldn't eat but it's the first time in two weeks when my husband actually craves a certain food and I want to support him this way. He's been sick and he has zero appetite and only eats forced.... he lost 4 kg in 2 weeks and I'm really worried. We've been seeing doctors for a year no one can find a reason for what's causing all the symptoms he has (it's a long list). Anyway... I'll continue my journey tomorrow.
Don't give up that yoga. It works wonders!
Big hug!