Can we talk about what are you struggle with the most?

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  • BlessedMom70
    BlessedMom70 Posts: 124 Member
    edited June 2018
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    Sweets. I have a horrible sweet tooth. :neutral:
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,166 Member
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    CSARdiver wrote: »
    hesn92 wrote: »
    I struggle with making friends. I just don’t know how to talk to people. My 10 year old son has now told me after a week that he doesn’t like summer camp because he doesn’t have friends there and it makes me so sad because I know how that feels and I don’t want him to deal with that. I keep saying I’m going to make an effort to go out and try to meet people and I never do. I suck.

    Oh I'll add this to mine. I am a solid introvert who forces myself to be interested in others. 18 years ago I made the conscious decision to change my behavior and start asking questions and simply talking to strangers. Still to this day this is the most discomforting act, but I've become so practiced that my friends are shocked when I confess this.
    ,
    The Toastmasters group is an excellent way of flexing this muscle.

    This is so insightful and powerful.

    I'm an inherently shy, introverted person who mostly relied on my people-centric, warm, outgoing husband to nurture social connections for both of us . . . until he died at age 45 (I was 43, now 62).

    I realized I needed to cultivate social skills, because isolation would be bad for me. It was so, so uncomfortable and awkward at first! I learned to ask people about themselves, and to enjoy plumbing what they were about. I didn't connect with everyone, but I think I can now make interesting conversation with literally anyone . . . by drawing them out about what most people enjoy discussing most, themselves. ;)

    The thing to understand, IMO, is that it's a skill, not an invariant, innate characteristic. You can practice (painful! ;) ) and improve. But it's very worthwhile.

    Bottom line, @hesn92, this is something you can work on and improve. And that will be a great model and example for your son, enriching his life.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,166 Member
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    nickssweetheart wrote: »
    Lately I have been struggling most with sleep. I lie awake and worry and worry and worry. Then I finally drop off and wake up in 2 hours and start the process again. Then I'm like a zombie going through my day and in the evening at home I fall asleep unexpectedly (which can be kind of scary as I did it once with a pot of spaghetti water on the stove to boil.) Then when it's time for bed again, I'm wide awake and the process starts again. It's been going on for several months and I'm so tired of being so tired. Plus it's embarrassing to call appointments and say, "I'm so sorry I'm running a little behind, I fell asleep in front of my computer, I'm on my way."

    This totally s**ks. I get it. I've been there.

    Consider meditation (there are very simple, totally non-religious things like relaxation response, www.relaxationresponse.org/steps/ . Even if it doesn't help you sleep, drawing yourself back to the practice is restful. There are also meditation apps (on your phone) that can help.

    Another thing that helped me - no lie - is hypnotherapy. There are apps or YouTube videos for this, or you can go to a trained hypnotist or even licensed hypnotherapist (latter is what I did).

    My heart goes out to you over what you're going through! There are sleep clinics (ask your doctor) and other options, as I've mentioned. Wishing you well in finding a sleep solution!
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,166 Member
    edited June 2018
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    Y'know, I get that I have no real problems. I've got enough food, clothing, shelter. I'm active/strong, and I have friends. The big bases are covered, for sure.

    I struggle a little with how to handle thinking about aging (I'm 62 now). As a childless, orphaned, widowed only child, I know that things like a medical power of attorney and an executor are really important. When I look around me, I'm not sure who to turn to. I have close friends, but they're close to my age (and often not as strong/healthy).

    Also, as a Deep Hedonist, I struggle with periodic food overindulgences, and with alcohol. (I'm not an alcoholic, or even close, but the calories/clarity/priority are sometimes an issue, even in maintenance.)

    Social relationships are always hard for me as an introvert by nature, but important.

    Even some trivial things are on my radar: I'm tryin to learn to play bluegrass banjo, trying to make jewelry, trying to keep up a house and garden. It's good, engaging, but challenging.

    I don't know what I struggle with the most, or what's most important (the two don't necessarily align). Soldier on: Only rational option! ;)
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,166 Member
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    lemongirlbc wrote: »
    For me, it's just fitting everything in to my life without cracking - I work full time, am currently doing a masters degree, I have a husband and 2 young kids, I'm manager of their soccer teams, I do pretty much everything in terms of family scheduling/feeding/cleaning etc so trying to fit in healthy eating and working out for myself on top of everything else is a struggle, and some mornings when the alarm goes off at 5am so I can get my workout in I am soooooo tempted to ignore it and sleep another hour to try to catch up on what is probably a pretty massive sleep deficit.....
    I'm really looking forward to retirement at this stage. In 30 years.

    You are completely rocking and ruling. You're holding the whole thing together: You're doing everything that strong women do. Kudos!

    Retirement will be pretty wonderful (but odd, empty 'til you fill it, challenging in a different way). Meanwhile, you're building the foundation for your future happiness, and doing more than your part to build a world that will be good not only for you and family, but for the rest of us.

    Thank you. ;)
  • bootyrubsandtacos
    bootyrubsandtacos Posts: 775 Member
    edited June 2018
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    I workout too much and too hard. My job is very physical as well. I’m ALWAYS in pain. I go through tubes and jars of bengay and tiger balm. I take a muscle relaxant and a 500 mg naproxen every night to help me sleep. I just have this HUGE fear of regaining the weight I lost. I have no issue sticking with my deficit either. I just feel like I HAVE to keep pushing myself or I’ll end up right back in that pit of despair. Working out is also a huge escape for me and it gives me a sense of control in my very stressful life, but I take it too far. I’m paying for it now because I’m stuck in bed with a pretty bad sciatica flare up.
  • bootyrubsandtacos
    bootyrubsandtacos Posts: 775 Member
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    nickssweetheart wrote: »
    Lately I have been struggling most with sleep. I lie awake and worry and worry and worry. Then I finally drop off and wake up in 2 hours and start the process again. Then I'm like a zombie going through my day and in the evening at home I fall asleep unexpectedly (which can be kind of scary as I did it once with a pot of spaghetti water on the stove to boil.) Then when it's time for bed again, I'm wide awake and the process starts again. It's been going on for several months and I'm so tired of being so tired. Plus it's embarrassing to call appointments and say, "I'm so sorry I'm running a little behind, I fell asleep in front of my computer, I'm on my way."

    I’m an excessive worrier too and I’ve had insomnia for YEARS. My demons love to come out to play when it’s time to go to bed. I’ve had crippling anxiety since I was a teenager. The only thing that helps me sleep is meds, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Not being able sleep is an AWFUL feeling. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    Negativity. This whole eating well and exercise thing I've got. Lost 170lbs, took a year off to recomp and let skin tighten, gained a grand total of 6lbs without tracking anything...

    It's the constant BS from people, and NOT losing my temper that's the biggest struggle. Everything from "you'll look like a man" because I enjoy lifting (because packing on 30lbs of solid muscle is so easy....*sarcasm*) to telling me how everything I'm doing to lose weight is wrong, even though I'm down a person in fat and they have to lose and keep off more than 5lbs. The "you're too skinny" by family and (now former) friends, I'm still overweight....I wear a size 8, I am NOT too skinny. While I have never had to stop myself from punching someone, I do have to hold my tongue on many an occasion.
  • mikksash63
    mikksash63 Posts: 3 Member
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    I wouldn’t listen to anyone but yourself . There are people in the world that like to criticize because people are not happy with themselves. Just do you and be happy with yourself and you can come along way
  • nickssweetheart
    nickssweetheart Posts: 874 Member
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    @AnnPT77 I have been doing some experimenting with meditation, both guided and unguided, and you're right, it does seem restorative even when it doesn't actually lead to me getting to sleep quickly. Plus sometimes it helps me to redirect my thoughts. I am pretty poor at it, but will continue to try.

    @bootyrubsandtacos I am so sorry to hear you have the same issue. Insomnia runs in my family already, and I've never been a great sleeper, but lately it seems I can't relax at all. I'm glad the sleep aids are working for you. I've only tried melatonin, and as far as I can tell it does nothing for me.

    Thanks for the commiseration. It's oddly nice to know I'm not alone, even though I'm sorry you both had to experience this, because it is exhausting.

    @VUA21 WOW! 170 lbs down. If we were acquainted I'd be picking your brain every second for tips, not trying to tell you how not to recomp. Obviously you're too mature for this, but do you have anyone you'd like me to punch? This lack of sleep thing has me grouchy and I'd be happy to take a poke at an offending party on your behalf. ;)
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    @nickssweetheart

    @VUA21 WOW! 170 lbs down. If we were acquainted I'd be picking your brain every second for tips, not trying to tell you how not to recomp. Obviously you're too mature for this, but do you have anyone you'd like me to punch? This lack of sleep thing has me grouchy and I'd be happy to take a poke at an offending party on your behalf

    170 those first two years. Gained 6lbs back while taking a year off for recomp, without tracking. I'm now down 175lbs, and counting. (Working on 5lbs at a time).

    Feel free to add me and pick my brain, I yo-yo dieted for about 10 years before I finally figured out what works. So I am an expert on a whole lot of stuff that doesn't work, and have learned what does. And yeah, I even figured out how to maintain weight loss without trying. That was my biggest "OMG!!!! WTF, it's that freakin' easy?!!?!" AKA AH-HA moment.

    If you're in the Houston area, my ex-best friend could seriously use a punch to the face. I'm 900 miles away so I can't quite reach. Oh, she didn't tell me how to recomp, but how to lose weight and how I am "destined to always be a fat B, so why even try because I'm just going to gain it all back anyways", and much worse.

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