Negative comments getting me down..what can I do?

long_for_me
long_for_me Posts: 184 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi,

I am determined to get in shape this time, but negative comments keep getting me down. My mum says that I have let myself go and I look old and frumpy...my OH says that I do not look good in my clothes, as they do not fit me. I wish they would just shut up. I have realised that I am prone to comfort eating and after spending time with both or even only one of them I feel worse than ever. I wish they would just let me be and focus on their own problems instead.
I cannot avoid them (my mum is elderly and I live with my OH). I cannot limit the time they spend with me either. I have explained to them many times how I feel. It does not seem to bother them but I am getting fatter and fatter. I think that they are using my weight as an excuse to not face their issues and I am using their attitude as an excuse to get fatter.

What can I do? Tips appreciated....


Thank you for letting me vent...

Replies

  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    Take a deep breath, honey. You’ve got this. You make the decisions in your life, not them. If you let these comments affect your decisions, you’re giving them power over you. That being said, I know how that feels. It took a lot of mental work to start standing on my own too feet and taking responsibility and power for myself and my actions.

    It sounds like they both want you to lose weight and since you’re here I’m guessing that’s your goal too, so could you think up some concrete ways they could offer support, instead of putting you down with comments? It can be something very concrete, like ”I would like you to not complain about vegetables in the dinner” or ”could you take care of the laundry one night a week so I could go work out” or whatever you feel like you need. Support I have asked for, and received, includes things like my significant other not eating (unplanned) nachos or chocolate when I’m home and can see it, and him not suggesting pasta carbonara into the meal plan. Before any of you are freaking out, carbonara, chocolate and nachos all have their place in the meal plan, just not every week.

    Other practical tips: if you can affect what groceries enter your home, make changes as necessary. For the negative comments: I find it helpful to work myself up on a walk, come up with genius comebacks to these comments, and ”practice” the discussion in my head before I’m about to have a difficult discussion or have to confront someone about their behaviour. That way, I don’t shut off in the situation and can argue my point logically.
  • ian4239316
    ian4239316 Posts: 14 Member
    They are jealous. They are stuck in a rut and they are envious that you are doing something wonderfully positive with your life. You are amazingly strong because you have committed yourself to a journey which you know can be a rollercoaster. You will never ever be alone as this site has thousands of friends who are there for you. We will cheer you on and support you all the way. Don't ever let anybody screw with your head. Think how absolutely fabulous you will feel and look when you reach your goal. You can do it.
  • Xerogs
    Xerogs Posts: 328 Member
    Just remember you are in control of your life. Comments are just comments and ultimately its up to you on how you let those comments affect you. I know it's difficult to divest yourself from things people say that are close to you but sometimes you just have to do that in a nice way. My wife used to actively sabotage my weigh loss journey and on occasion still does but I just didn't let it affect the path I was on, I wasn't a jerk about it but I just maintained my need for change and followed through with it because me being healthy and happy is better for my entire family. After a while she learned that what she was saying and doing didn't control me so it eventually tapered off. I still get a snide comment now and then but I just let it roll off my shoulders since it's not my burden to carry, I didn't say it. It is more a reflection on themselves and the best thing I can do is be a good role model for myself and if they want to get on board I am happy to support them as long as they support themselves as well.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    " I have explained to them many times how I feel. " - this is just plain wrong. If you've told them how you feel and they still continue to do it, then I'd be pretty angry. However, maybe responding with, "Are you trying to help or be supportive? If so, THESE comments need to stop."

    IDK, I've never experienced this thankfully, but per these boards many have and it strikes me as so sad that these are supposedly the people who love you. Be consistent and firm. Good luck!
  • duskyjewel
    duskyjewel Posts: 286 Member
    I assume OH means "other half." Can you tell me what this person brings to your life other than rude comments and cruel discouragement?
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,946 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    " I have explained to them many times how I feel. " - this is just plain wrong. If you've told them how you feel and they still continue to do it, then I'd be pretty angry. However, maybe responding with, "Are you trying to help or be supportive? If so, THESE comments need to stop."

    IDK, I've never experienced this thankfully, but per these boards many have and it strikes me as so sad that these are supposedly the people who love you. Be consistent and firm. Good luck!

    Like you, I have not had these type of people in my life. I will never understand how that happens.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,946 Member
    I don't know how people that are supposed to love and be your support does that to you. If it was me I think I would use my anger to show them just how well I can do. Lots of people here seem to struggle with people in their lives that aren't supportive. If they want to judge how you look frumpy and your clothes don't fit properly tell them they should help you with a new wardrobe.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    flip it.

    ....those emotions that you're feeling, that's energy.

    channel it & use it to your advantage

    it's okay to have an attitude once in awhile

    work hard, be patient and and (eventually) make them look like *kitten* in comparison to you.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited June 2018
    What does OH mean, olde hide? ;) I don't know.

    Speaking in general here... mostly to myself.
    Very few care about our 'revenge body' or the 'get even' body. It doesn't mean that much to anyone when we're doing it for revenge or I'll show them. Nahhh.

    Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and take the bull by the horns. You're back in the saddle again. It only takes one day and one decision to change everything. Family members are the biggest marshers of mellows. They can be meaner than skunks.

    There's a reason our windshield is so large and the rearview mirror is so tiny. You're not going that direction. Use your very next meal as your head reset. The head reset is much greater than a food reset. The biggest battle we fight is between our ears. Shame on the olde hide for making you feel that way.

    Dig deeper. Get down to the roots and then pull the root rot right out. Body. Mind. Spirit. When the brain doesn't care and the body doesn't care what we do, pull on your spirit. Let it work for you. Do it for the greater good. I'm a spiritual kind of person and I do in the form of a prayer. We have all suffered the slings and arrows of body bullies.

    There's safety in numbers. Drink water like it's your job. Track your food. Pay as you go. Come back tomorrow and we'll cheer you up. Isn't that what friends are for.

    dino.jpg.
  • duskyjewel
    duskyjewel Posts: 286 Member
    edited June 2018
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Like you, I have not had these type of people in my life. I will never understand how that happens.

    I have. I have removed them from my life as much as possible. The ones who happen to be related to me genetically, I minimize. Or they finally became so screwed that they removed themselves which, sadly, increased my peace.

    This happens because people allow it.
  • long_for_me
    long_for_me Posts: 184 Member
    Thank you for the valuable insights! Starting or restarting now! I can do this, damn it!
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
    First: take a deep breath. Seriously... Deeper... Okay....

    Second: relax. You are doing this for YOU, not them. Don't let other people's negativity derail your progress

    Third: it is perfectly acceptable to be angry, don't try to hide it or bury it. Use your anger as fuel. When you get really upset, put some music on and go for a walk. I don't know why but any exercise I do when I'm angry, I get a better workout. I run faster, longer, lift more... Because I'm angry and take my anger out on the workout.

    Forth: it's sad, and so true. Sustained weight loss and efforts to bring about a better you, can bring out the absolute worst in other people. Not strangers, but from family and friends. It's a combination of jealousy and that misery loves company. I refuse to be polite to mean people, my go to reply is "if that's how you feel..." And move on.

    You can do this. This place is great for venting about all the crap we deal with losing weight. So vent, we got your back!
  • sugarlemonpie
    sugarlemonpie Posts: 311 Member
    When people say rude things, focus on what you enjoy in life. You need to comfort yourself, find a new hobby or an outlet to relax so you don't turn to food for your comfort. Cooking healthy meals and listening to relaxing music can be so therapeutic, or go for a nice long walk, or even just a pampering bath. I can't tell you what a psychologist or counselor could, but I can tell you I understand what it is like to have stressful situations and feel like the world is judging you. Take care of yourself!
  • duskyjewel
    duskyjewel Posts: 286 Member
    duskyjewel wrote: »
    I assume OH means "other half." Can you tell me what this person brings to your life other than rude comments and cruel discouragement?

    I'm still wondering about the answer to this question. Your mother, you're stuck with. This other person being in your life is a choice, so I'm wondering what positive things they give you that could possibly offset what you describe here.
  • OHFlamingo
    OHFlamingo Posts: 239 Member
    Try not to let other people rent space in your head. Easier said than done sometimes, I know. You can do this! We are all here to help!

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