Dieting makes me sad...being fat makes me sad...help.

Cloudfish
Cloudfish Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I hate it. It makes me miserable and unhappy.

I have also been dieting for as long as I can remember. I hate this too. It makes me miserable and unhappy.

I am getting married in 11 months. This feels like a turning point- I have enough time to get slim and to do this right.

I have managed to lose a stone, but it has taken me 6 months- social engagements keep getting in the way. I lost 4 pounds last week, then put 3 back on this weekend for my fiancé's birthday celebrations. This has been my life for 6 months- lose/gain.

Still I persevere. I have gone back to the drawing board of no sugar/carbs for a few days to get the cravings out of my system. I have just had been to the gym on lunch and had a salad, and now I am craving sugar to the point of tears. I am convinced I would rather be fat and just eat crap to cheer myself up, but I also know, deep down, that's not true- yet I don't see what else can make me happy.

Is anyone else in the same boat? What can I do to make this less miserable?

Replies

  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    Cloudfish wrote: »
    I lost 4 pounds last week, then put 3 back on this weekend for my fiancé's birthday celebrations. This has been my life for 6 months- lose/gain.

    Your understanding of weight loss is likely contributing to you being miserable. You didn't lose 4 lbs of fat in a week, and you didn't regain 3 lbs of fat the next. Those are water weight fluctuations, with what appears to be a net loss of 1 lb (though you would only be able to gauge your true weekly rate of loss over many weeks). You said you've lost 14 lbs in 6 months without being terribly consistent... that's great! So now you just need more consistency and to quit "dieting". As @Lounmoun pointed out, you need to choose a *reasonable* goal *for you*. Personally, with the stress of a wedding and social commitments, I wouldn't aim for any more than 1 lb/week unless you are extremely obese. Then you need to eat a *sustainable* diet, not create a lot of extra stress by trying to eliminate food groups or exclusively eating only "healthy" foods. Going to extremes is what usually backfires. Better to lose .5- 1lb/week for the next year than a quick 10-15 and burn out. Wish you well :)
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    Hey, @Cloudfish. I can assure you that many many users here can relate to feeling like you're putting forth substantial effort just to spin your wheels with the scale not moving much. Based on your initial comment I see three big driving factors:

    1. You seem to be following elimination diets, existentially trying to "eat healthier", disregarding your calorie intake.
    - mindest and habits that can also be changed.
    2. You have a reward or landmark-based relationship with food - Mindset and habits that can be changed


    Pertaining to #1, you're emphasizing what you can't have and directly associating "eating crap" and being happy. You can lose weight without eliminating foods, being on certain macros, it all comes down to calories. If a certain way of eating helps you with consistently adhering to a caloric deficit requisite to lose weight, than go for it. However, given your comments, your plan of cutting sugar and eating salads is proving difficult for you to stick with. Focusing on quantities rather than eliminating "bad" food from your diet will still allow you to have foods you enjoy, just do so in portions that fit your calories. Your diary isn't public so I can't see whether or not your currently logging your food. If you're not already using a food scale to log accurately log your food, I suggest you start doing so; I've not personally found better success than when my logging is locked in. Tracking completely and honestly takes the guesswork out of scale fluctuations; if the scale doesn't move as much as you hoped you can look back and see if your calories come close to what the scale is saying. It's common to hear "weight loss isn't linear" on these forums, that's largely due to scale weight being effected by a number of factors outside of fat loss/gain; water retention, hormones, hydration levels, and bodily waste in your system. It seems you may be weighing weekly, weighing daily can demonstrate these types of fluctuations and minimize the event-based mindset of weighing. Some people do have problems with weighing daily and anxiety about the numbers, though if you can treat it as data collection without assigning value to the number I find it a valuable tool to keep yourself on the right track and more accountable.

    Pertaining to #2, life is just going to happen sometimes and you have to learn to manage circumstances when you're not fully in control of the menu and social events where the nature of the gathering brings pressure to indulge. In those circumstances I've found the most success in just trying to mitigate the caloric tally as much as possible. Set limits for yourself, control portion sizing, make the best choice you can. In the grand scheme of things, one day will only wreck your whole progress if you let it. If you're sticking to a low-carb way of eating much of the time (which sounds like you may be) having a moderate-to-high carb refeed day you're going to see some temporary increase in scale weight, that will dissipate if you return to your routine; this is weight is largely fluid retention. There are other ways to mark special occasions than with food, drinks, confectionery goods, etc. This can be a hard shift to make, especially if those with whom you celebrate don't necessarily share your goals and/or philosophies. It will also take time to find the other ways/activities you like and can find equivalent and shift the paradigm to those habits.

    Lastly, exercise should be something you enjoy and equally a pursuit for your health and/or physical goals, not a punishment for eating "bad food" nor a method though which you earn "reward" calories.

    TL;DR - dieting is miserable, you don't need a structured or elimination diet to lose weight successfully.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    rianneonamission wrote: »
    First of all, congratulations on your engagement!

    Step one: If cutting out sugar causes cravings, don't cut it out.

    The best diet is the one you are on, just in smaller portions. FWIW, I have a chocolate bar a day pretty much (today a Twix), but fit them in to my diet. Like you, I will crave things like that when I cut them out, so I don't. So as much as I am counting calories so technically I am dieting, I am not starving myself or denying myself the nice things in life.

    Remember though: Your fiancé loves you as you are. Otherwise, why opt for marriage? So don't go all crazy bride, just make small changes to your life. Don't make the wedding this one big goal, and you'll find it takes the pressure off. Just make your goal to start turning your life around and go from there.

    And also remember that weight loss isn't ever linear. You'll have ups and downs. Not because you've eaten too much, but because you've eaten too much salt (restaurant/take away food is terrible for this), or had too much alcohol, or because your are on/due on (yes, hormones are a *kitten*).

    This is a great reply. Don't be sad!

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