Splitting up the bill

urloved33

I have been single (widowed) for almost 24 years...when I go to dinner, buy groceries, out to lunch - with all the couples in my family - I always pay "as if" I am part of a couple. After all these years...im sick of it. Now I am asking the question...when you go out to dinner, lunch or grocery store for a dinner party w friends at home (either their house or yours) HOW SHOULD THE BILL BE SPLIT?

pinuplove

Eating at a restaurant - either one person treats and picks up everyone's bill, or the bill is split and each person/couple pays for what they ordered. It's weird to split the bill evenly in my opinion, but if they did it should be by the # of people being paid for.

Dinner party, I would ask the hosts what they would like me to bring. It's generally just one dish anyway. I've never been asked to pay for groceries for something like that. If I'm hosting, I provide all the main dishes and don't expect help with that.

You sound as if this has been brewing for quite some time. It's probably best to just address it openly and honestly, with as little judgement and hostility as you can manage. If they're halfway reasonable, they'll understand. And if not, maybe it's time to find new people to spend your time with.

WholeFoods4Lyfe

If you are doing an even split, it should be by person, not by couple. That said, when we go out it's always with the same couples so we just all take turns picking up the bill.

debtay123

I think each person or couple should pay for what they ordered so that a couple will pay for two and a single will pay for only what was ordered.

ahoy_m8

If you are a party of 5 at a restaurant, what would happen if you suggested splitting the bill by 5?

I think bill splitting can be a bummer for non-drinkers if people in the group have lots of alcoholic drinks, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep bill splitting basically fair as long as it doesn't over-complicate or end up dominating the experience. I've seen some people just put a wad of cash on the bill folder to cover their portion, and no one seems to mind that.

ETA: I can't speak to the grocery shopping part. Why would you split someone else's groceries? Unless it is for a meal you are jointly preparing?

urloved33

ahoy_m8 wrote: »

If you are a party of 5 at a restaurant, what would happen if you suggested splitting the bill by 5?

I think bill splitting can be a bummer for non-drinkers if people in the group have lots of alcoholic drinks, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep bill splitting basically fair as long as it doesn't over-complicate or end up dominating the experience. I've seen some people just put a wad of cash on the bill folder to cover their portion, and no one seems to mind that.

I did that once.. not only bc I was with couples but because I DONT DRINK and they do, especially the men. They felt that I was being petty. (and mind you I raised two daughters on my one paycheck)

ahoy_m8

Maybe if you did it every time they'd eventually get used to it?

k8eekins

If you're the host - you pay. If you'd invited the group - you pay. If it's a planned activity group outing the pot pays, ie each person contributes whatever you have into the pot well before you arrive at the venue, prior to making your order(s), including gratuity or we all go Dutch. If it's a family gathering, the senior members pay the tab.

kd_mazur

If they called you out for being petty, I think I would stop going out with that group of people.

debtay123

definitely stop going out with them because they don't seem to want to be fair(sigh)

TavistockToad

Why would you pay for more than your portion of the meal just because you're not in a couple?

funjen1972

I'll tell the restaurant server 'I'll be on my own check' when she takes my drink order. No splitting necessary. I also tip a bit more since an extra check for the table is extra work for the server.

777Gemma888

We're doing shared dinners with friends throughout Summertime @2 dinners per house, but for Sunday Lunch (Lunch/Dinner). When we host, we pay. When they host, they pay. On Sunday, their husbands and buddies from work/gym, are BBQing or smoking or grilling, where all 3 houses + friends will contribute to the spread.

COGypsy

I have a supper club once a week where usually 6 or 8 of us all go to dinner. Depending on what people have ordered, we either throw in money for what we specifically ordered or, if all our entrees were pretty similar in price, we just do a "per person" contribution. I'm one of the singles in the group and I've never contributed the same amount as a couple. And frankly, my friends wouldn't think of asking me to. For dinner parties (that aren't a potluck type of deal) I usually offer to swing by the store on my way in case anything last minute was forgotten. On the rare occasions I've picked up something, I usually just pay for it--it's never been anything big enough to worry about.

cwolfman13

If nobody is picking up the tab, we generally get separate tabs for each person or couple or whatever. If that isn't possible, we pick up the tab on whatever we ate, not what someone else ate or drank. Splitting the check straight out seems dumb to me...my two kids did not order the filet mignon and bottle of wine or the lobster tail...they ordered $6 chicken fingers.

nickssweetheart

urloved33 wrote: »

I have been single (widowed) for almost 24 years...when I go to dinner, buy groceries, out to lunch - with all the couples in my family - I always pay "as if" I am part of a couple. After all these years...im sick of it. Now I am asking the question...when you go out to dinner, lunch or grocery store for a dinner party w friends at home (either their house or yours) HOW SHOULD THE BILL BE SPLIT?

I've heard of some tightfisted behavior, but expecting the widowed mother of two in the family to essentially subsidize meals for all the couples when dining out raises it to another level beyond anything I've experienced.

TheMrWobbly

Totally agree with @ahoy_m8 that you should pay for your share in a restaurant. I always insisted that those who had less, especially the designated driver, only had to pay for what they had. Now I am often the designated driver, don't tend to have a dessert and sit with people who order a bottle of wine each they know better than to ask to split the bill. It happened the first few times and I told them if they want to order the most expensive dish or a £40 bottle of wine they had better be ready to pay for it themselves.

When I host I always pay for everything, generally people bring some form of drinks, and when I am invited to someone else's home I don't expect it to come with a price tag and I always bring a decent bottle of something with me.

DomesticKat

Each person should pay their own bill for what they actually consumed, unless it's being paid by the host. It's incredibly rude for the people you're dining with to force some of their bill onto you. I would tell the server at the start of the meal that you will be paying a separate check for yourself so they can keep track of what you're eating and drinking. I used to have a friend who did that with alcohol. She would buy pitchers of mimosas and try to split it even though I didn't drink. I would tell the server to keep our checks separate.

missysippy930

Pay for what you order, plus tip. If you are a couple, pay for what was ordered as a couple, plus tip. For a buying groceries for a group, it should be divided up equally by the number of people you are feeding.

Unless there is a circumstance where a different agreement was made.

You have every right to be upset by how it is unfairly divided up.

25lbsorbust

I'd start asking for your bill to be separate from theirs. Easy to do, and they can't complain because then they'd be admitting that they expect you to pay part of their bill.

IMintraining

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