Losing Weight When Your Spouse Isnt

cookiekart2014

Hello all,
Meeting my husband was the best thing that ever happened to me aside from one little thing. We both LOVE food. This means that when I have a momentary laps of diet (lol) and say that we should order pizza hes right on board.
This isnt the biggest problem however. We both gained at 60 lbs since weve been together. I really dont mind my husband being a little chubby and would never force him to lose weight but it does make it difficult to diet when he is not. I cook dinner for both of us every night and my solution is normally to just eat less of what he has, but then i get hungry afterwards. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me. Oh and buying separate groceries isnt and option for us seeing as were on a budget. Thanks all

FL_Hiker

I'm in exactly the same boat as you are girlie!!! Luckily my husband agrees to compromise. As far as pizza nights go I'll make a huge Italian salad , Olive Garden style! And I'll only take one slice of pizza and then eat my huge salad. Funny enough it rubbed off on my husband too, the salad looks so great he started eating more salad than pizza too. Now every Friday night we order 1 medium pizza instead of two large, saving money and eating healthy it's a win win! My hubby also isn't a big sweets eater but I am, so I buy fiber one brownies (which are delicious by the way, you should try them) and low cal high protein ice cream. I've started incorporating a lot more veggies into our regular meals which has helped tremendously, and I've cut down on my portion sizes. So no need to buy seperate groceries. I also now drink a protein shake for lunch, i didn't even realize I wasn't getting enough protein in the past now I feel so much better! Shorter recovery times from exercising and I don't get hungry as much or have those bad sugar cravings. I've also started working out (thank god I have a dog, he's my running buddy) even though my hubby won't.

AmberGlitterSparkles

I have a similar issue. My husband is very thin in spite of eating three times what I eat in a day. He is not supportive of me loosing weight because he likes my body as it is. I have been doing what you suggested as in eating less of what I make for everyone else. It works for me. However, I find the trick for me has been to load up on protein because it fills me up longer. I try to eat lighter in the day and “save my calories” for the evenings when we’ll be eating a lot. Also, sometimes I try to pre plan my meals for the day early so I can work in a snack for later. Sometimes, I just try to drink a bunch of water and see if that works. I read somewhere, and not sure if that’s true, but the brain can’t always differentiate feelings from hunger from feelings of thirst. So, I try to drown out my cravings first. I’m not an expert though, and I’m sure there are a lot of people here who will be a lot of help to you!

missysippy930

My husband will eat whatever I cook, he just eats a lot more than me.
There are a lot of recipes and websites with that you can get tips and recipes for making things that are lower calorie, but taste great. No need to purchase different groceries.

lorrpb

I don't want you to mentally limit yourself or give up and SAy "I can't" because of a budget. I don't think you should need to buy separate groceries but being on a budget shouldn't prevent that if you feel it might be helpful. What's the difference whether you buy 2 lbs of sausage for the two of you to share, or 1 lb of sausage for him and 0,5 lb of chicken for yourself.?it might even be less expensive. You can probably buy a lb of fruit or veggies for less than a lb of chips. 64 Oz of water is cheaper ($0) than 64 Oz of beer or pop. These are just examples, I'm not saying you eat any of these things, just trying to give you another perspective.

I lost 75 lbs while my husband lost 0 and another 75 while he lost 20.

Bex953172

I will often cook the same meal for us both but tweak mine.

So if chickens on the menu i cook that both the same, except he will have potatoes and veg and I will have salad
All things we buy in our normal shop so not split groceries.

And sometimes I will just eat less of a meal, for example I don’t want a chicken curry salad 😂 so I will have chicken and rice, but we’ll both eat brown rice because that’s atleast lower in calories.

There are ways to tweak it.

How’s your water intake.
Whenever I’m hungry even when I’ve ate a meal I just drink drink drink drink!

kommodevaran

Hungry or just want to eat? Are you trying to lose too fast? What's your height and weight, and your calorie target?

lizzy_satellite

My husband is 6'3",and has always been a healthy weight. I'm 5'3" and at my heaviest weighed more than he did. We generally only eat our evening meal together, but we eat the same stuff (the main difference being that if salad is involved, he gets to drown his in olive oil and I have a splash of balsamic vinegar). I have a set number of calories for breakfast and lunch and usually have about 700 left over for our evening meal, so I just have a smaller, measured portion plus a snack later or small glass of wine. e.g. If we cook a chilli together we'll generally do enough for a couple of days, and I know exactly what goes into it, so it's easy to split it into the right portion sizes. His portions are generally 1.5-2x the size of mine. Ditto if I make pizza dough - I split it into his n hers portions and we deal with our own toppings. I drink loads of water (which I genuinely prefer to most things), he drinks fruit juice (which I barely touch). I hover around 1500-1550 cals/day when I'm losing, so hunger is rarely an issue.

Candyspun

I'm in this boat My partner wants to and needs to lose weight as well, but he's not ready to fully commit to it, yet. Since I've started doing this (I'd say I'm 7 weeks in), he has been exercising on our fitness step when no one is looking, and sometimes he tells me about it, later. He's very self conscious about his weight.

Often, when I prepare something for me, he'll say, 'that looks/smells absolutely beautiful, can you please make me some, after you've eaten yours?' or, if he knows I'm making something he's tried and liked, he'll say, 'oh my god, could you please make me some, too? I love that stuff!'

Also, he does most of the cooking here, and he's fallen in love with my food scale. (He likes gadgets). So, he likes to prepare my meals with our daughter, and together, they weigh my stuff, write it down, and hand me a plate of food with a list of food weights.

He's really happy with my progress, and I think slowly over time, in his own time, he's getting on board. I avoid harassing him about it at all costs, and I think that gives him space to try things out with no pressure. Also, I will often eat similar meals to the rest of the family, and just track it.

Mommytyme

Same. Hubs & I both need to loose. I'm the cook at our house. So I literally make the hubs/kids a meal and a separate meal for myself. It's hard! I've only been doing this for 2 weeks & I honestly don't know if I can keep it up! My problem is 1) sometimes he eats with us and other times not (I think it's meal dependent 😂, he says it's cuz he had a big lunch at work).. anyway my other problem is 2) what I make for them smells soo good, I want some too! 3) he'll want to go out to eat and where we go, the healthy options aren't that good..so I cave and go back to old habits.

I also workout with the kids (long walks) and/or by myself early in the a.m. (P90X/circuit)- it's like I'm working out "in secret"" so not to disrupt being available for the hubs/kids..
I've lost 3lbs so I know what I'm doing is working & I've got to stick with it! But dang it's HARD when not everyone is on the same page.

He jokes about his weight but I know it bothers him but he's not ready yet (as I am) to make a change. I think if I can somehow lead by example then he'll get on board and it'll get easier. Plus it's summertime and our routine is off. I think once the school year starts back up it'll get easier (for me) because I have 3 kids in sports so the meals are healthier and I prep on the weekend for the week..

If you'd like support, feel free to add me

Candyspun

Would it help to eat similar proteins and carbs but portion control those for you, then bulk yours out with more veges?

prettyshambolic

My fiance is 6'2" and 155lbs, he cooks healthy meals for me and just eats 3x as much so that we don't have to buy different groceries. I do not know how to cook at all so it is much easier on him to just prepare the same things for both of us. He does, however, usually have quite a few snacks throughout the day that I cannot have.

thisPGHlife

There are a lot of good suggestions here. In our family, my husband also needs to lose a little weight, maybe 15 - 20 when we started, but I have a significant amount to lose. I never felt like he had to lose weight but I also worried about his eating habits. Regardless, I wasnt going to pressure him.

I got to a point where I needed for him to stop enabling me and I told him as much. Much like your, we usually only eat one meal together. I made sure he knew that there was going to be a lot more healthy food in the house. Also know that there are several meals I make that he loves that are healthy but let us way like "normal" people. You're healthy food doesn't have to be boring it expensive and maybe it's about finding those meals that he likes and you can feel better about. Then you can compromise and have the pizza one night. You know you're going to have to fill up more on the salad, but you still get to have it and on the other nights you get to feel full and satisfied on curries and stews and homemade tacos.

I think the big thing is communication. Let him know how important this is to you. That it isn't about changing his eating habits, but you need the compromise in order to feel like you're being supported. Good luck and if you need any recipes feel free to message me!!

emcclure013

I've been using MFP for over a year now and I've lost 70lbs. My husband is overweight and hasn't tried to lose a pound the entire time I've been working for it. You have to make yourself a priority and hope that he'll follow and do the same whenever he gets the desire to.

My husband and I only eat supper together due to work schedules, and we eat the same thing - I just eat less! I do 90% of the cooking, so I'll make a recipe that fits my goals for the day and he can eat it or tweak it however he wants. If we make tacos, I make a taco salad for me and he has a giant burrito so we're both satisfied. He eats a lot of snacks, and I stay out of the kitchen. Over time, you'll come up with a routine that works for both of you. A pizza night now and then won't ruin anything, but you just have to be careful and make sure that you stay in your goals.

It takes a lot of self-discipline, but over time it gets a lot easier!

steveko89

FWIW there aren't many who can gain 60lbs and still be at a healthy weight. Just because you don't mind the weight gain doesn't mean that your husband shouldn't address it before it gets worse and/or starts to contribute to health problems.

hesn92

My husband eats probably at least double the amount that I eat. He has never counted a calorie in his life so I can't say for sure. This is what helps me: I try to make a lot of vegetables or a big salad to go with our meals, so I can load up on that and eat less of the other stuff, and I include other filler foods for him, like rolls, pasta salad etc.

cwolfman13

Whether losing weight or not, my wife and I have different calorie needs. She always has a smaller portion of whatever we're having regardless of whether she's trying to lose or maintain...if she ate the same as me, she'd just get fat.

For dinner, we usually have a protein, veg, and a grain or starch...she usually just forgoes the grain or starch in lieu of double veg...weekends are usually her exception to this rule. When we have pizza night, she has one or two slices and a salad.

We eat breakfast and lunch independently...her lunches are usually a protein and a salad...mine are usually a protein, grain or starch, and veg...sometimes salad, sometimes just veg, and I eat a lot more sandwiches. I also snack more...she snacks less.