Complete change needed

I’m in need of a complete life change. For the past 6 years I have been in a toxic relationship. I’ve allowed myself to let myself go in every way.

He sits home playing video games, doesn’t contribute to our household, let’s me do everything while he does barely anything. He doesn’t want me to leave the house without him but he never wants to leave it so I’m stuck.

I’ve gained so much weight since being with him because I am miserable. But sadly, scared to be alone. Scared I won’t find someone.

It’s sad but true. So I let him stay so I’m not alone. But I don’t love him anymore. I want to love myself. It’s time to fix what I’ve broken and heal myself mentally and physically.

It’s time to choose me. But how do I let go of a toxic man? How do I choose me?


  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    You let go of anything toxic when you realize it's not worth it. The process can take a long time and much pain.
  • amayla0407
    amayla0407 Posts: 218 Member
    Very very true.
  • mamasara2
    mamasara2 Posts: 194 Member
    I feel ya. I divorced an absolutely horrid human being almost ten years ago. Moving on, even from a bad situation is scary. It's the unknown thing.
    One thing to ponder is that you aren't really alone when you find yourself again. It's empowering and absolutely glorious to be able to go for a walk, or a movie when ever YOU want. Not having to work around someone else's schedule.

    Sending lots of love and good vibes your way. I sincerely hope you take the opportunity to be you, regardless of your fears.

    Ditching the things (and people) that aren't working for you will open up space for people and experiences that you actually enjoy.

    Take the leap, love!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    amayla0407 wrote: »
    It’s time to choose me. But how do I let go of a toxic man? How do I choose me?

    In what ways would being alone be worse than this relationship? Think about that.
    Maybe start thinking of the positives of independent life. You might go out more and be part of the world more instead of being alone with one toxic person for example.

    You might benefit from talking to a professional therapist to help you get out and heal before starting a new relationship.

  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Step 1) Remove toxic people from your life.

    After that, everything gets easier and better.

    There is no reason to stay in horrible relationships, this includes removing yourself from toxic family as well as friends and SO's.
  • LIBOR_cat
    LIBOR_cat Posts: 197 Member
    First step is to get rid of him
  • devine_tina
    devine_tina Posts: 11 Member
    Feel free to send me a message if you like.
  • sytchequeen
    sytchequeen Posts: 526 Member
    amayla0407 wrote: »
    So I let him stay so I’m not alone.

    I think, maybe, you are already alone.

    Just go out. Do something, anything, out of the house. This might just give you the confidence to take another step.

  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 526 Member
    Hi amayla,

    You may benefit from reading up on co-dependency, and something that may also help you is looking into sites like ( if your partner has problems regulating their gaming), could shed some light on your situation.

    Ultimately we cannot change those around us, but we can certainly take steps now, to help ourselves.

    Wishing you all the best!
  • brightresolve
    brightresolve Posts: 1,024 Member
    Lots of good ideas above. I too once found myself in a hostage situation restrictive, controlling relationship and mine was flat-out hostile whenever I stepped out of line. I too was afraid I would be alone and classed the toxic relationship I was used to as "better than being alone".

    It wasn't though.

    Have you thought about starting with a small step, where you are, like just coming back here and logging every bite today? You might be surprised how much confidence and strength and hope that could give you. Then comeback tomorrow and do it again. Don't worry about eating differently - just log every bite.

    I suggest that because it's totally under your control, totally invisible to the boyfriend, and totally about you and you only. Taking care of you is a great place to start if you feel stuck.

    All the best!
  • aimjolie
    aimjolie Posts: 60 Member
    You are a pretty girl. There is no reason in the world you need this loser to drag you down. You don’t need him. Did you ever think that once he is gone, you are now open to meet the guy who will love you and respect you for the good person you on? But don’t focus on a guy for now, focus on you, what makes you happy, focus on good health habits, enjoying talking and spending time with family and a few close friends. Make you the priority! You are so worth it! Be kind to yourself. When you feel better about yourself, getting better health habits, and have no one to drag you down, you will start losing the weight. In the meanwhile, know that you are not alone. Many have been in a toxic relationship (myself included), but this too shall pass. Be strong, be happy, and start to love yourself. You can do it!