The Secret to Weight Loss

soldier4242
soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
Its really easy. All you have to do first is find out your blood type and your astrological sign. Then you get a chunk of your birth stone that weighs the same as the amount of weight you want to lose. You have to carry this stone with you everywhere that you go. Throughout the course of your day picture all of your negative energy and excess body fat going in to the stone.

As long as you eat nothing but healthy food like fruits vegetables and lean meats and you only eat these things in reasonable quantities you can eat anything that you want. And as long as you get in 1 hour of exercise a day you don't have to do any exercise.

The only beverage you are allowed to drink on this diet is water because you are made mostly of water and this will improve your connection to the earth. This will help flush out the negative energy that is still left over after you channel as much as you can in to your birth stone. Other than that you can drink anything that you want.

Now in the event that you are in some sort of accident and you need a blood transfusion just tell the hospital the blood type that you learned at the beginning and they will save your life. This will allow you to continue your weight loss progress. Just make sure you get access to your birth stone as soon as possible after the accident is over because none of this will work without it. You have to believe in it too or it won't work. Other than that you can do and eat anything you want and still lose weight.

Note: Once you reach your goal weight the stone has to be purified. I know I don't have to tell most of you this but it does get overlooked more often then you would think.

I also have the secrets to increasing your muscle mass but as many of you already know that would involve a lot of work with vector calculus and I just don't have the time to go in to that at the moment.

Replies

  • zOMG! LOLOLOL THAT IS HILARIOUS THANKS MAN I REALLY NEEDED THAT :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: OMG THIS IS GREAT. SHOWING THIS TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS RIGHT NOW!!
  • griff7809
    griff7809 Posts: 611 Member
    I thought you were going to say Crystal Meth.

    Shows how stupid I am....
  • beepermad
    beepermad Posts: 198
    I hear meth's a very effective way to lose weight.

    And teeth.
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
    and maybe if I send this to 10 of my closest friends...
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    ytu.jpg
  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    tumblr_moe6ry20e41s8my4mo1_500.jpg
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    what-sorcery-is-this.jpg
  • soldier4242
    soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
    I will admit there was an adjustment phase when I first started getting used to the fact that I had to lug around a 65 pound block of peridot with me everywhere I went but it has been worth it.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    I thought you were going to say Crystal Meth.

    Shows how stupid I am....

    3qc0j3.jpg
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Its really easy. All you have to do first is find out your blood type and your astrological sign. Then you get a chunk of your birth stone that weighs the same as the amount of weight you want to lose. You have to carry this stone with you everywhere that you go. Throughout the course of your day picture all of your negative energy and excess body fat going in to the stone.

    As long as you eat nothing but healthy food like fruits vegetables and lean meats and you only eat these things in reasonable quantities you can eat anything that you want. And as long as you get in 1 hour of exercise a day you don't have to do any exercise.

    The only beverage you are allowed to drink on this diet is water because you are made mostly of water and this will improve your connection to the earth. This will help flush out the negative energy that is still left over after you channel as much as you can in to your birth stone. Other than that you can drink anything that you want.

    Now in the event that you are in some sort of accident and you need a blood transfusion just tell the hospital the blood type that you learned at the beginning and they will save your life. This will allow you to continue your weight loss progress. Just make sure you get access to your birth stone as soon as possible after the accident is over because none of this will work without it. You have to believe in it too or it won't work. Other than that you can do and eat anything you want and still lose weight.

    Note: Once you reach your goal weight the stone has to be purified. I know I don't have to tell most of you this but it does get overlooked more often then you would think.

    I also have the secrets to increasing your muscle mass but as many of you already know that would involve a lot of work with vector calculus and I just don't have the time to go in to that at the moment.

    I like you! :love:
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    Well I have about 36 more pounds to lose, but just to be safe that I don't gain any already lost weight back, I am going to get the full 70 pounds of amethyst.

    I can pick up amethyst for $8.00 a pound. $560 seems like a reasonable investment into my weight loss journey..
  • new_beth_2013
    new_beth_2013 Posts: 109 Member
    Looks like I have been doing it wrong this whole time :sad:
  • soldier4242
    soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
    Well I have about 36 more pounds to lose, but just to be safe that I don't gain any already lost weight back, I am going to get the full 70 pounds of amethyst.

    I can pick up amethyst for $8.00 a pound. $560 seems like a reasonable investment into my weight loss journey..
    I agree better safe than sorry. I feel sorry for the people born in April.
  • beckyzalldat
    beckyzalldat Posts: 236 Member
    GEEZZZ My birthstone is diamond!!!!! I'm gonna be broke!!!!!!!!!!!!! :noway:
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    Well I have about 36 more pounds to lose, but just to be safe that I don't gain any already lost weight back, I am going to get the full 70 pounds of amethyst.

    I can pick up amethyst for $8.00 a pound. $560 seems like a reasonable investment into my weight loss journey..
    I agree better safe than sorry. I feel sorry for the people born in April.

    I know their weight loss journey is going to cost way more than an engagement ring! They should go to Jared's.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    I prefer the super model diet
    Black coffee
    Laxatives
    And coke. (Not the cola. Evades the teeth issues of meth)
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    I prefer the super model diet
    Black coffee
    Laxatives
    And coke. (Not the cola. Evades the teeth issues of meth)

    I bet this cost less than my previous amethyst investment! Maybe, I shall try both methods at once!

    This site is full of wonderful, supportive people! I can't wait to utilize these suggestions!
  • Is that it? Gesh! I thought this was going to be tough
  • Prettymisssparkles
    Prettymisssparkles Posts: 1,274 Member
    39573-Zach-Galifianakis-little-hands-5VTX.gif
  • soldier4242
    soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
    I prefer the super model diet
    Black coffee
    Laxatives
    And coke. (Not the cola. Evades the teeth issues of meth)

    I bet this cost less than my previous amethyst investment! Maybe, I shall try both methods at once!

    This site is full of wonderful, supportive people! I can't wait to utilize these suggestions!
    While this would afford you the opportunity to snort coke off of a giant block of amethyst and lets face it. Who doesn't have that on their bucket list? The laxatives would mean you would be lugging that 70 pound block of amethyst to the bathroom every few minutes and that could be time consuming.
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    I prefer the super model diet
    Black coffee
    Laxatives
    And coke. (Not the cola. Evades the teeth issues of meth)

    I bet this cost less than my previous amethyst investment! Maybe, I shall try both methods at once!

    This site is full of wonderful, supportive people! I can't wait to utilize these suggestions!
    While this would afford you the opportunity to snort coke off of a giant block of amethyst and lets face it. Who doesn't have that on their bucket list. The laxatives would mean you would be lugging that 70 pound block of amethyst to the bathroom every few minutes and that could be time consuming.

    Couldn't I just invest in Depends?
  • horsewhisper91
    horsewhisper91 Posts: 456 Member
    The secret is of course hard work, but it's the determination that drives you to your goals.
  • soldier4242
    soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
    I prefer the super model diet
    Black coffee
    Laxatives
    And coke. (Not the cola. Evades the teeth issues of meth)

    I bet this cost less than my previous amethyst investment! Maybe, I shall try both methods at once!

    This site is full of wonderful, supportive people! I can't wait to utilize these suggestions!
    While this would afford you the opportunity to snort coke off of a giant block of amethyst and lets face it. Who doesn't have that on their bucket list. The laxatives would mean you would be lugging that 70 pound block of amethyst to the bathroom every few minutes and that could be time consuming.
    Couldn't I just invest in Depends?
    Not only would that solve the problem it would give you a great answer for when people ask you, "Boxers or Briefs?"