Advice on feeding a family and still trying to loose weight.
ArasynyaCain
Posts: 6 Member
I live in a house with my mother, my boyfriend and his brother. I am trying to loose about 50 pounds because of some health issues. I don't do any elimination diets because I found those just don't work for me so I have been trying to monitor what I eat and add in healthy swaps and try meals I would have never thought of before. I use pintrist to try and find new recipies but whenever I try them I face so much backlash from my family its discouraging. My mom thinks the only way to lose weight is to cut out all carbs including healthy grains and fruit. Every time I try to make something without meat or with healthy grains my boyfriend and his brother throw an utter fit and we can't afford to eat seperate meals. Any advice on how to feed a family with different dietary wants?
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ArasynyaCain wrote: »I live in a house with my mother, my boyfriend and his brother. I am trying to loose about 50 pounds because of some health issues. I don't do any elimination diets because I found those just don't work for me so I have been trying to monitor what I eat and add in healthy swaps and try meals I would have never thought of before. I use pintrist to try and find new recipies but whenever I try them I face so much backlash from my family its discouraging. My mom thinks the only way to lose weight is to cut out all carbs including healthy grains and fruit. Every time I try to make something without meat or with healthy grains my boyfriend and his brother throw an utter fit and we can't afford to eat seperate meals. Any advice on how to feed a family with different dietary wants?
Yup. Tell them you are doing the cooking and meal planning. If they don't like what you are going to make, they are free to not be included and fend for themselves. Or, they can take over the shopping, meal planning and cooking and you will choose to eat what they prepare or not. It's not your job to please everyone. It is considerate to consider their preferences. But, if you are addressing health conditions through diet, they should be supportive.
As far as your mother's low carb thing, feel free to show her this:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5568065/
It is a meta analysis of 35 studies of dietary composition and impact on weight loss. All the studies were controlled for protein and calorie intake. Low carb was shown to have absolutely no metabolic advantage for weight/ fat loss over any other form of calorie restriction. No matter what method you use, taking in fewer calories than you burn each day is the only way to lose weight/ fat.16 -
I have exactly this scenario, luckily it is my wife and adult children who don't want to eat differently so I can take charge of the shopping and most of the cooking. Cutting out processed carbs is a good idea, cutting fruit and veg, imho, is not a good idea.
- I freeze a lot of what I buy and take it out the day before so I choose what we eat.
- I cook pasta for them and extra veg for me
- I still eat meat though it is straight cuts, nothing processed as even flavoured "chicken fillets" can have added wheat
- Smaller portions of potatos
- Mixed fruit desserts are great, if others want cream or ice cream that is their choice.
You have my sympathy about this position, I had to make the choice not to try an make them eat differently though I have successfully influenced them whether the realise it or not!!!
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Yup. Tell them you are doing the cooking and meal planning. If they don't like what you are going to make, they are free to not be included and fend for themselves. Or, they can take over the shopping, meal planning and cooking and you will choose to eat what they prepare or not. It's not your job to please everyone. It is considerate to consider their preferences. But, if you are addressing health conditions through diet, they should be supportive.
This.^
(Unless you are in the position where you are financially dependent on them - you have no income of your own.)
Don't they care about you and your health issues? I watch various shows about people that have severe weight and health issues, and I always wonder why their families/loved ones are so selfish that they refuse to adapt to healthier eating to save the person's life. If they can't have their snack and fried foods, they have tantrums or sulk and make the person feel so guilty they wind up failing.2 -
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I make food for my kids and family and do salad or protein shakes for myself. So i buy a big tub of protein powder and do that for lunch and lettuce/salad bits for dinner. Instead of the potatoes, or higher cal items they eat with their protein, I have salad with mine or veg. Done it for years. Means they can still eat the hugh cal they need for their growing bodies. And i still only make 1 meal.4
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Why isn’t the mother cooking? Get her on here I’ll tell the lazy cow off for you 😉
They’re adults let them fend for themselves and you eat whatever you want (( hugs))
Lol, I've given you more hugs on various threads today than I've given over the last month overall!! And every one well deserved, this not the least!2 -
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ArasynyaCain wrote: »I live in a house with my mother, my boyfriend and his brother. I am trying to loose about 50 pounds because of some health issues. I don't do any elimination diets because I found those just don't work for me so I have been trying to monitor what I eat and add in healthy swaps and try meals I would have never thought of before. I use pintrist to try and find new recipies but whenever I try them I face so much backlash from my family its discouraging. My mom thinks the only way to lose weight is to cut out all carbs including healthy grains and fruit. Every time I try to make something without meat or with healthy grains my boyfriend and his brother throw an utter fit and we can't afford to eat seperate meals. Any advice on how to feed a family with different dietary wants?
Yeah, my OH would pitch a fit if there were no meat either. But you didn't mention wanting to exclude meat for ethical reasons, so what's the problem with it? I just have smaller portions of meat when it's a high calorie cut.
My OH and I eat the same meals differently. Most commonly he has more carbs and I have more veggies. When we have steak I have Thai Beef Salad with a small amount of rice and he has a regular green salad, and potato (or potato salad this time of year).
Maybe try to make the inclusion of grains that are new to them more gradual. For example, quinoa can we weird if one is expecting rice, but a quinoa and rice pilaf more palatable.
I have a much more adventurous palate than my OH so I only put ethnic foods in the rotation occasionally and have hot dogs for back up if it turns out he hates something.3 -
When I read the title of the thread about feeding a family I assumed you meant your children. Why are in in a position of responsibility for feeding your boyfriend his brother and your mom? They are adults...it isnt your job to feed them unless you literally have some financial agreement where you live rent free because you cook and your boyfriend is the sole income or something. If that isn't the case why is it your responsibility to cook and their choice on what you cook? Sounds to me like your just allowing yourself to be walked over for whatever reason.13
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Since you aren’t going to follow an elimination diet you can use a plating method. Prepare a protein, starchy carb, and a vegetable at every dinner. Your manly carnivores can serve themselves larger portions of meat and your MIL can skip the starchy carbs. You can eat it all in proportion. Pasta won’t kill you.
Since these boys pitch a fit if there isn’t any steak get them to fire up the BBQ and cook it for you.
And your MIL can stick her nose in her own plate and leave you alone.9 -
Our house is 2 adults and a 3yo, the occasional preteen.
I cook normal meals for the family but I generally have meat and broccoli. I freeze any leftovers or save them and have them on a night when they want something like pizza or lasagna so I don’t have issues with making something else.1 -
Since you aren’t going to follow an elimination diet you can use a plating method. Prepare a protein, starchy carb, and a vegetable at every dinner. Your manly carnivores can serve themselves larger portions of meat and your MIL can skip the starchy carbs. You can eat it all in proportion. Pasta won’t kill you.
This. My husband needs a lot more calories than I do and we're trying to keep his weight on an even keel.
I usually give him more protein and starch, I get more veggies. I add cheese to his veggies, he'll have bread with his meals.
We pretty much eat the same things, he just gets more than I do.3 -
Keep boxes of dry pasta, pasta sauce and frozen meatballs on hand all the time. If the boys complain, tell them to make themselves pasta. My boyfriend does it all the time if I make something and he wants something else.
Or, serve everything "family style." Make the separate parts of the meal and don't assemble or mix anything. Let everyone serve themselves so they get exactly what they want. Then your mom doesn't have to touch the carbs and the boys can add meat if they want.
The other way to address it is to simply state "I am working on making myself healthier so I can live a long, healthy life. I'd appreciate it if you'd support me and what I am doing." Let your results do the rest of the talking.1 -
Why isn’t the mother cooking? Get her on here I’ll tell the lazy cow off for you 😉
They’re adults let them fend for themselves and you eat whatever you want (( hugs))
You mean the woman who's letting her adult daughter, daughter's boyfriend, and daughter's boyfriend's brother (for real??) live in her home? I suppose she should do their laundry and wipe their backsides too?10 -
The family constellation sounds pretty unusual, and who's responsible for what is unclear, but the problem can still be broken up into manageable bits:
To lose weight, you have to eat less, and that is something you do (actually, not-do, so it should be dead easy), not try.
You can eat less of anything. You can eat anything you want.
"Healthy" foods are often more expensive.
A healthy diet is balanced and varied.
People prefer what they're used to, and like to have a say in what is going to be eaten, and new things have to appeal in some way in order to be accepted.2 -
is everyone contributing to the household and groceries? whos paying the rent? whos buying groceries?0
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »Why isn’t the mother cooking? Get her on here I’ll tell the lazy cow off for you 😉
They’re adults let them fend for themselves and you eat whatever you want (( hugs))
You mean the woman who's letting her adult daughter, daughter's boyfriend, and daughter's boyfriend's brother (for real??) live in her home? I suppose she should do their laundry and wipe their backsides too?
How do you know if it's the mother's house or not? Kind of jumping to a conclusion there.1 -
Since you aren’t going to follow an elimination diet you can use a plating method. Prepare a protein, starchy carb, and a vegetable at every dinner. Your manly carnivores can serve themselves larger portions of meat and your MIL can skip the starchy carbs. You can eat it all in proportion. Pasta won’t kill you.
This. My husband needs a lot more calories than I do and we're trying to keep his weight on an even keel.
I usually give him more protein and starch, I get more veggies. I add cheese to his veggies, he'll have bread with his meals.
We pretty much eat the same things, he just gets more than I do.
Similar to this. I cook for 5. I eat keto as it controls my migraines to an extent. Then I have a husband, 17yo, 14yo, and 10yo sons who all go through various growing stages. The boys sometimes eating the equivalent of three servings in a sitting and skmetimes picking, some months visibly pudging up a bit before the shoulders broaden and they gain another inch in hight. Anyway, aside from the interest in watching teenage boys grow, eating habits of a family are fun to deal with! We have a hobby farm so meals are pretty much based around what meat was pulled from the freezer the night before to defrost. One carby side(I always make sure there is enough of this for seconds or just to go into lunchboxes), and at least 2 veggies. Sometimes both cooked, sometimes a raw platter or salad with dressings and toppings to choose from. There are more dishes to wash this way and a bit of planning but it gives options, leftovers, potential uses for days later in the week, and everyone is happy with meals of this style.
It is rare I do casseroles anymore even though we all enjoy them. The exception would be if I meal prep for myself specifically(I am home for lunches during the day while they are not), or if I will be away for a few days in a row and make them a meal or two to balance the quicker stuff they will eat in between.
Maybe if you sit down and make a list of everyone’s hard likes and dislikes, then you can have it in front of you and make it easier to add small things here and there so all meals are satisfying in all respects for everyone without having to prep more than one full meal.
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I just experienced this with my Fiance. I made a delicious omelette 390 calories per serving and she only ate half. (said it made her gag
) I've been struggling with my weight for years now. All my attempts I have always made extra meals for her or my daughter. I've decided counting calories is my best option. So...I told her we have a problem because she's gonna have to get used to what I'm cooking. I'm not cooking twice. Needless to say we both need to lose weight. I'm sticking to my decision. Cooking outside of healthy will result in me eating it. Not doing it. She's an adult and may fend for herself if she doesn't like my meals. And I'd like to add that I am a great cook, healthy or not. 4 -
Since you aren’t going to follow an elimination diet you can use a plating method. Prepare a protein, starchy carb, and a vegetable at every dinner. Your manly carnivores can serve themselves larger portions of meat and your MIL can skip the starchy carbs. You can eat it all in proportion. Pasta won’t kill you.
Since these boys pitch a fit if there isn’t any steak get them to fire up the BBQ and cook it for you.
And your MIL can stick her nose in her own plate and leave you alone.
Yes, this time of year most of the meat gets cooked on the grill by my man.0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Why isn’t the mother cooking? Get her on here I’ll tell the lazy cow off for you 😉
They’re adults let them fend for themselves and you eat whatever you want (( hugs))
You mean the woman who's letting her adult daughter, daughter's boyfriend, and daughter's boyfriend's brother (for real??) live in her home? I suppose she should do their laundry and wipe their backsides too?
How do you know if it's the mother's house or not? Kind of jumping to a conclusion there.
She said living in a house with her mother, vs her mother living with her, which led me to believe it was her mother's house. But the statement is unclear. Either way, mixed adult households are tricky.1 -
My house has two adults and two kids. Tonight I'm grilling a pork tenderloin and zucchini from the garden. I'll also make a salad and probably some rice. I'll eat an appropriate portion for me and the give the kids appropriate servings for them. My husband will eat what he wants.
Why is everyone giving you an issue @OP? Are you totally changing the type of food you normally cooked? It's not easy to make everyone happy all the time. If your role is cook of the house, try and make smaller changes that will help you stay in your calorie goal but still give the rest of the house what they want (within reason)
For example - when I grill burgers, I'll do beef burgers for the family and a turkey burger for myself because they're less calories and I prefer them. I wouldn't start making veggie burgers for everyone or stop buying buns if I didn't want to eat them if that was going to cause total turmoil in the house.
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I'm feeding a family of six. Me, my husband who has certain food sensitivities, and my kids (who aren't overly picky, but are, well, kids), ages 10, 8, 5.5, and 2.5. I make sure that each person at the table has at least one food that they enjoy. Can't do more than that. I make a big veggie side that I eat a lot of -- something like sauteed zucchini, baked butternut squash, broccoli, or a big salad. Then a protein that at least some of them like, and a starch that at least some of them like.
Other days, I make myself a variation on their meals. They all like black bean quesadillas. I make my husband's without cheese (but with enough mashed black beans to stick it all together). I make mine with less cheese and a Flat Out wrap. We all enjoy the same meal, just different.
When I make pasta for my kids, it's a huge pan of whole grain noodles, eggs, spinach, cheese, milk, spices, baked at 350 for a while. My husband gets a smaller pan without cheese. I bake a spaghetti squash for myself and add tomato sauce and cheese. My kids eat my squash now as a side dish -- win all around! Took about a year for them to show any interest in it, with no prodding from me.
Taco bar. Lots of veggies, I have mine without the taco (or with just one) like a taco salad. My husband has his without cheese and some of the other fixing he's sensitive to. My kids pick what they like. I make sure to include their favorites -- one loves sauteed onions, for example.
It can take some creativity, but there are ways to figure out a few meals that will work for everyone, if they're flexible. Can you sit down with them all, with a list of ideas you have, and ask them for their input? I feel like that's how you'll have the best chance of making this work.2 -
When hubby and I were negotiating household chores, I ended up with the cooking. (He got laundry, garbage, and floors).
I like variety and creativity. He likes a few solid favourites. I manage by making notes of recipes that work. Those are on repeat. We have different caloric needs so he takes seconds.
It was a close call with the Tofu. I had two fails before I found a proven recipe.4 -
Why can’t you afford to eat different meals? Buy less of what they eat since you won’t be eating any and use the $ to buy more of what you eat.1
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1) Eat the same food: just smaller portions
2) The Mama's rules menu: eat what I make or starve.
3) They whine/cry: either they cook or too bad.
No need to overcomplicate things.0 -
just eat less .... it really can be that simple
my wife and child are smaller than me ... they weigh less than me .... they eat less than me .... we all eat the same meal though,
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When hubby and I were negotiating household chores, I ended up with the cooking. (He got laundry, garbage, and floors).
I like variety and creativity. He likes a few solid favourites. I manage by making notes of recipes that work. Those are on repeat. We have different caloric needs so he takes seconds.
It was a close call with the Tofu. I had two fails before I found a proven recipe.
That sounds like my house. I've yet to be able to sneak in the tofu, though. Still working on it!
I think you can prepare food that everyone likes, just eat the amount that fits your calories according to MFP. It's too bad your mom is misinformed about how weight loss works, but don't let that stop you from using your food scale and making it work. Time will show everyone (including yourself) the power of tracking your calories to lose weight.0 -
Seems like OP has left the buiilding.0
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I think replacing some of the carbs with alternatives can help to reduce the calorie content of the meal (I eat courgetti pasta while the family has pasta with their meal). I also will prepare meals like lasagne and remove some of the meat bolonaise for myself to have with veg pasta before making it into a lasagne for the family. I’ll do baked chicken breasts and serve with salad for myself and add in pasta or wedges or something like that for the family.0
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