How to forgive myself?

LaurenAllie95

I feel a lot of guilt around food, I eat healthy but 1 bad food item and I binge and cant stop myself. Has anyone else had this problem? If so how did you learn to eat in moderation? I feel so guilty after I binge which makes me want to eat more! Its a horrible cycle.

TavistockToad

Sounds like you need to deal with the bingeing in the first instance?

Food isn't good or bad, it's just food.

Have you thought about getting some professional help with it?

kommodevaran

Stop the idea that you need to forgive yourself, and work on the guilt. Food is not a moral issue, unless you've stolen it from a hungry child, or something.

William54321

Yep agree with others here, no food is bad just the proportions. Dont have a guilt trip just learn to balance portion size

jdubois5351

Oh yeah, I guess most of us have been there. What really helps me is logging it, funny as it may seem. It makes it more real and lays it down as it is. Then I look at the fact that I would have to eat 3500 calories over my maintenance goal in the course of a week to gain one pound of fat. That's easier said than done, when you're not stuffing yourself with junk every day.

What I'm meaning to say - you gotta look at the big picture, treat this whole thing as a marathon, not a 100 m race. One bad day is not worth feeling guilty about; in the long run, it really doesn't matter one bit. And even if you have a bad week - all it does is set you back a week, nothing more, nothing less. There's not need to give up because of one slip-up. And because of that, there's really no need to feel guilty. Enjoy the feast, then get back on track.

Diatonic12

Stop assigning moral judgments to food. Good or Bad. Naughty or Nice. Clean or Dirty. All or Nothing.

Have you talked with someone, face-to-face. This can really help you, to remove yourself out of this loop with food.

psychod787

Would you light your car on fire if you got a flat tire? So, you are 1 so called "bad" thing, then lit yourself on fire. What is healthy anyways? It's all in who you ask. Maybe try not being so ridgid in your thinking. Give yourself some enjoyment. I don't eat a lot of calorie dense/ hyperpalitable food, but if I just have to have some icecream, I will. As long as you balance it out through the day, week, month...... you will most likely be ok. Lock the matches up! One edit. Look into a weekly calorie bank. If you are able. Allows you to cycle calories a little. I would not recommend going to far in debt or the week, but if you have a day where you did not consume as much, bank it for later.

jguldi11

Yes I've struggled with this and I'm consciously trying to stop putting myself down if I make "bad" choices, by first dropping the "good" or "bad" labels on food. What I find to be the most helpful in reducing my guilt is I ask myself if one of my friends were eating what I was eating, would I judge them for it? Almost always the answer is no. Rarely do I truly binge in the actual meaning of the word, but I would call it a binge because I ate something "bad". I've since learned that if I choose to have 1 serving of ice cream or a piece of cake at a birthday party that it's not bad or binging, it's learning to eat in moderation. I only recently realized that moderation is certainly possible, and in my experience more achievable than total abstinence.

Ktmom19

I have also struggled with this. Such good advice from others. I think it helps to realize it is not an all or nothing situation. Sometimes it is making healthy choices one day at a time, but sometimes it is one bite at a time. Let's say you eat something that is calorie dense and fattening. You did not make the best choice, but do not allow that one bad choice to turn into a day. When I was struggling with this my husband gave me an analogy that stuck with me. If you accidentally dropped your cell phone and got a small crack on it, would you throw it on the ground and stomp on it? One small "bad" choice doesn't have to spiral out of control. Sometimes easier said than done though.

Diatonic12

@jguldi11 All or Nothing is the biggest self-deception when it comes to finding stability with weight for the rest of your life. It creates a food prison. You either do this perfectly or go down the rabbit hole. This lie, All or Nothing is the root cause of a lifetime of self-sabotage.

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone speak that out over themselves. I'm all or nothing - that's learned behavior and it usually starts as a child in the home environment. All or Nothing is exaggerated thinking and it will hold you back from actually making the breakthrough needed to get free from binge or thrill eating.

All or Nothing. Extremes beget more extremes.

FickleFruitBat

Dealing with feelings around food is usually bigger than just the food. Be compassionate to yourself through journaling or talking to a trusted friend (professionals are also great for this - I have seen a counselor and nutritionist with great success.)

amusedmonkey

Try thinking about your feelings when you have them:
You feel the need to forgive yourself. Why? Is eating a mortal sin that you need forgiveness for? The first step is to realize you don't need forgiveness. Humans need food to survive, and because of this, they evolved mechanisms that make food attractive to them and help them to actively seek it. You aren't doing something wrong, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing as a successful surviving human. It's completely normal and you aren't "bad" for being normal. You're just someone who was thrown into an environment of food abundance and has to learn (very gradually) to make instincts and goals work together without shunning them.

Now guilt. Why do you feel guilty when you eat something you feel you "aren't supposed to eat"? It may help to think of foods in terms of basic ingredients to put your mind at ease. For example, you had pizza. Would you feel as guilty if you had a tomato and cheese salad, a side of stir-fried vegetables and meat, and a slice of bread? Do you think it makes sense that when these ingredients are shaped into a disc and cooked in an oven the end product grows horns? Guilt is a result of breaking rules you feel are important to you. If you realize that these rules are self-imposed, arbitrary, and don't serve your purposes, you may find it in yourself to change your rules.

Now think about your feelings of wanting to be healthy. Nutrition is about the sum of your diet, not the parts of it. Having a cookie doesn't magically extract and discard all the nutrients of a salad you had. Moreover, having a cookie can be one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself if it makes dieting easier. Whenever you feel like having a cookie, log it, and tell yourself: this is self-care. This will help me achieve my goals. This will help my mental health and wellbeing. Understanding that food serves many purposes that go beyond nutrients and that health includes mental and social health may help you be kinder to yourself.

Finally, binging. Since moderation is a learning process that can take a long time, sometimes binges are unavoidable. Think of binges as learning opportunities that take you closer to your goal. Notice them, think about them, but don't judge them. It's easier said than done, but you'll get there with time. The more you learn about your triggers the more you discover ways to work around them. Every time you binge think about what happened, why, and what you were feeling. For example, if you were stressed and overate, that will give you a hint that you need to look for other stress outlets to make binging due to stress a less frequent thing. Some outlets will help you better than others, and with time and experimenting, you will find a more effective less destructive stress outlet. In this example, whenever you feel a binge coming and you think about your feelings and identify stress as the main one, you will have non-food strategies to fall back on.

With that said, if you feel you need more help than you can give yourself, don't hesitate or be ashamed of seeking professional help. If you really have an eating disorder and not just a distorted understanding of food, you may be ill-equipped to sort this out on your own.