Old member new goals

RavenBeauty87

I have not been on this account for almost 4 years. Since then a lot of stressful things have happened and unfortunately I gained 54lbs back (I use to be 200lbs now I'm 174lbs so luckily I didn't gain it all back) I've been trying new stuff and I finally told myself to go back to this site because it helped me so much before. As well as seeing others accomplish their goal allows me to push forward.

Little about myself.... I was working the last time I lost 80lbs which actually made it easier because I was only allowed to bring healthy food. Now I'm a stay at home mom, due to my daughters health issues, and from that stress as well as being around the kitchen all day I graze to the point I could of had a large meal. I will be 31 at the end of the month and I'm 5'1" so every little pound shows on my small height.

Last time I lost weight it was NOT healthy. I was barely eating to the point where people thought I was sick or on street drugs but all I was worried about was the number on the scale. I would go over 24 hours without eating because I started to enjoy the feeling of being hungry (yes, I know sign of an eating disorder) I lost so much muscle I remember being so weak when I use to be pretty strong for my stature. Now I'm lifting weights and not caring about the scale anymore or even measurements. I go by my clothes.

Here are the things that make it VERY hard for me to lose weight. I just recently found out I'm bi-polar type B (ya didn't know there were other types) I use to think I just had depression but I was very wrong. For a few weeks I can do great and exercise by as soon as my low swing comes around I always say screw it and binge. Moving onto the next issue I have OCD which ties into my binge eating. Now, the binge eating has gotten SOOOOO much better but still needs to stop. Last night, which is what made me come back here, I had a whole meal before bed. It is 10:00pm and I'm eating huge plate of pasta and bread sticks. As I'm eating I know it is wrong but I just keep doing it because my depression is telling me what is the point you will always be fat. I'm working on getting the correct medication but that in itself can cause weight loss or fatigue which makes it even harder to loss weight. I have body dysmorphia which right now I'm not happy with myself but the real problem is when I do loss the weight and no matter what anyone says I think I'm fat which is a problem I have been working on.

As I say that I'm also going to STOP WHINING AND MAKING EXCUSES!!!! I'm sick of myself making excuses. I say I don't have enough time or energy. Well, too freakin bad! There are plenty of people with my same issues and are getting by just fine and holding their weight so I really need to stop that.

My main goal is to be a size 10 (Right now I'm a solid size 12) by Halloween. I love Halloween with a passion and I want one year where I can wear my costume and actually enjoy myself instead of avoiding cameras and being self conscience all night. There are 105 days until Halloween (yes I'm counting down) At two pounds a week I could be 144lbs or at least around that weight.

My ultimate goal is to be 130lbs (I really want to be 120lbs but my husband likes me with a butt and past 130lbs I start losing it so I can respect that haha) I know I can do this. I've done it before but it's a inner struggle. Size 8 would be great but I felt the best at size 6 (size 4 was way too small for me and I lost all my good curves).

If anyone deals with these same issues please message/add me. I love talking to others so I know I'm not alone in these types of struggles.

hpurtee1hp

RavenBeauty87 wrote: »

I have not been on this account for almost 4 years. Since then a lot of stressful things have happened and unfortunately I gained 54lbs back (I use to be 200lbs now I'm 174lbs so luckily I didn't gain it all back) I've been trying new stuff and I finally told myself to go back to this site because it helped me so much before. As well as seeing others accomplish their goal allows me to push forward.

Little about myself.... I was working the last time I lost 80lbs which actually made it easier because I was only allowed to bring healthy food. Now I'm a stay at home mom, due to my daughters health issues, and from that stress as well as being around the kitchen all day I graze to the point I could of had a large meal. I will be 31 at the end of the month and I'm 5'1" so every little pound shows on my small height.

Last time I lost weight it was NOT healthy. I was barely eating to the point where people thought I was sick or on street drugs but all I was worried about was the number on the scale. I would go over 24 hours without eating because I started to enjoy the feeling of being hungry (yes, I know sign of an eating disorder) I lost so much muscle I remember being so weak when I use to be pretty strong for my stature. Now I'm lifting weights and not caring about the scale anymore or even measurements. I go by my clothes.

Here are the things that make it VERY hard for me to lose weight. I just recently found out I'm bi-polar type B (ya didn't know there were other types) I use to think I just had depression but I was very wrong. For a few weeks I can do great and exercise by as soon as my low swing comes around I always say screw it and binge. Moving onto the next issue I have OCD which ties into my binge eating. Now, the binge eating has gotten SOOOOO much better but still needs to stop. Last night, which is what made me come back here, I had a whole meal before bed. It is 10:00pm and I'm eating huge plate of pasta and bread sticks. As I'm eating I know it is wrong but I just keep doing it because my depression is telling me what is the point you will always be fat. I'm working on getting the correct medication but that in itself can cause weight loss or fatigue which makes it even harder to loss weight. I have body dysmorphia which right now I'm not happy with myself but the real problem is when I do loss the weight and no matter what anyone says I think I'm fat which is a problem I have been working on.

As I say that I'm also going to STOP WHINING AND MAKING EXCUSES!!!! I'm sick of myself making excuses. I say I don't have enough time or energy. Well, too freakin bad! There are plenty of people with my same issues and are getting by just fine and holding their weight so I really need to stop that.

My main goal is to be a size 10 (Right now I'm a solid size 12) by Halloween. I love Halloween with a passion and I want one year where I can wear my costume and actually enjoy myself instead of avoiding cameras and being self conscience all night. There are 105 days until Halloween (yes I'm counting down) At two pounds a week I could be 144lbs or at least around that weight.

My ultimate goal is to be 130lbs (I really want to be 120lbs but my husband likes me with a butt and past 130lbs I start losing it so I can respect that haha) I know I can do this. I've done it before but it's a inner struggle. Size 8 would be great but I felt the best at size 6 (size 4 was way too small for me and I lost all my good curves).

If anyone deals with these same issues please message/add me. I love talking to others so I know I'm not alone in these types of struggles.

I do not have quite the same issues, but this is also my 2nd time around. And I'm also a stay at home mom...which I find hard to keep from grazing as well. I'm available any time you need an ear!