Overeaters Anonymous: Shabbat

Azadi

Hi, my name is Azadi and I am a recovering bulimic.

Today is Thursday. That means tomorrow's Friday. That means Shabbat.

For any who don't know, Shabbat is the Sabbath which is Friday evening until Saturday night. Much of Shabbat is focused on eating. Shabbat meals are kind of a big deal, not necessarily in that they have to be big (though they often are) but in that they are a time for being with family and/or friends, hospitality, bread, wine, all that stuff.

I don't currently have my own place, so Shabbat means someone else determining my meal. See, when I'm on my own, I make things easy for myself by only making or buying enough of any given food item to satisfy my personal portioning needs. I don't make or take seconds. This gets more difficult when Mom cooks, or when I'm invited to a friend's for lunch and they have a platter of delicious cheeses or somesuch. I try to portion carefully, but it is just so difficult.

The other problematic element of Shabbat is that I can't log my food. Like most traditionally observant Jews I don't write or use electricity on Shabbat, so I have to kind of wing it through the evening/day, remember all I've eaten, and just try really hard to go easy. I also try really hard not to stress too much about it, just make sure I keep an eye on myself but not to worry about going over my calorie goal... as long as I eat three meals, don't binge, don't purge, chew my food and don't take seconds, I've done my job. but on Saturday night when I'm logging, it's hard not to get a little short of breath when I see the final calorie tally.

Shabbat is supposed to be a peaceful day of rest, 1/60 of The World To Come, a day to not worry. I need to work toward allowing that to apply to my Shabbat food.

Thanks for letting me share.

ladyofivy

Hi Azadi. :n)

I can certainly see your predicament. Do you know who is cooking?

My advice is to call the cook and ask them what they are cooking, and then log your calories today. You can go to your food diary, and click the right arrow and it will bring up tomorrow's calendar. This way, you can plan ahead, and see how many calories everything is going to be.

I hope this is helpful to you, and will help you enjoy this special holiday. :n)

marybethbeech

First of all, I think that it's wonderful that you can be so open about your eating disorder. There are a lot of control/shame issues that feed into eating disorders, and overcoming that is a wonderful step towards recovery.

Second, I think it's really great that you take your religious convictions so seriously, especially when so many people don't. It takes a lot of strength of character and will power, which are exactly what you need to control your food choices and potions sizes.

Here's something that might be helpful: Think about what you may eat tomorrow today. Take a few minutes to log it just to see how many calories you'll be consuming. I'm sure you can play around with the numbers and find something that works for you.

We have big, home-made family meals together one a week, too. We're Protestant Christian so there aren't any restrictions about what kind of technology we can use, but with my family it just wouldn't be acceptable to hop up and run to the study to log my calories during family time. Half the time, I don't know what foods will be offered until it's time to eat. I try to bring at least one healthy option when I can, that way I know there's at least something that I can eat.

Koshie

Azadi, thank you so much for sharing. its not always easy to do. Are all the Shabbat meals the same each week? If so I would just enter them on a day you can. I also like the idea of calling ahead to find out. You dont have to tell the cook the details about why you are asking but you could say something like. "I need to know due to my dietary needs" ect.

sabrinafaith

Azadi, Before shabbat I log all my food for friday and saturday and I print it out. I am only allowed to eat what is on my list. I make some allowances, like I can have 1 challah roll or pita for dinner and lunch. I do not have dessert, but if I did I would eat fruit. I find that this method helps me.

Also, when I am done eating, I start cleaning, even if other people are still eating I go and start cleaning the kitchen, this way I'm not around the food.

Hope this helps!

PS- Don't eat the salads. My husband loves tabouli and matbucha and when I eat it I bloat like 5 lbs.

Azadi

Oy, Sabrina, the salatim! They just make me want to eat more challah!

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and tips.

To fill in some missing info, Friday dinner is usually with Mom and includes some iteration of chicken, soup (she's on a gazpacho kick lately) salad and a vegetable or potato side. Lunch is entirely unpredictable... my mom's not particularly observant and doesn't really bother with Shabbos lunch as such, or seudah shli**** (third meal). I often get invited to someone's home from shul, and so the menu is not something I can anticipate. With a little careful planning I can easily manage dinner with Mom. Otherwise, I just have to keep an eye on myself.

sabrinafaith

Hi, yeah the salads definitely make you eat more challah. They are banned from my house. My husband is only allowed to bring salads home that I hate, unless we have company. Dinner with your mother sounds fine, but maybe ask her if she can make sweet potatoes instead of white potatoes. When baked they don't need anything to taste delicious!.. Also, lunch out is definitely difficult. I don't eat out so much on shabbos bc I loose control, but I don't suggest that, it's difficult. Try passing the challah to the other side of the table and eat the most simply cooked foods they have. DO NOT TOUCH CHOLENT!!! lol... That is one high calorie and high fat food!!!! lol. I also don't suggest kugel. Actually, most traditionally jewish foods are very high in fat and calories.

I try to skip high in fat foods and then allow myself a piece of dessert after the meal. Then I have no snack, no seuda shli**** and a light dinner after shabbos, usually a green salad topped with tuna and tomato for dinner. I try to keep my calories at 1200 for satuday, so I cut calories where I need to so I can enjoy myself with my friends.

Azadi

*sigh*

I felt like I did so well, took such small portions, no seconds. Logging my food just now... not as well as I'd hoped.

Still, even though it's a lot more calories than ideal, it still counts as an abstinent day, and that is what is important. And besides, it's Shabbat, it's one day out of the week, it's not as if I take this day and binge... it's just a little more relaxed, food-wise. Lets say it makes up for the other restrictions that apply for the day. Not gonna beat myself up.

But... I think I am going to have to actually make a rule for myself, at least for a little while: No ice cream. It doesn't fit with my goals. It's not a trigger food, it's not a binge food, it's just not something I need in my food plan right now. It doesn't nourish me, and the ice cream that the rabbi served us after lunch at his house is not something that someone lovingly prepared like the grilled figs and poached peaches that were served as dessert this evening at my friend's house. The one I can justify, the other I cannot.

Up until this point I've not taken any specific foods out of my food plan. I'm gonna talk to my sponsor about this on Monday.

Anyway, Shavua Tov, enjoy the rest of the weekend, everyone.

sabrinafaith

I find that eliminating certain foods works well for me, especially if they aren't essential to making me happy. I don't eat bagels, sweets, white potato, pasta, rice, couscous, ice cream, cakes, etc...

I make exceptions occassionally on shabbos, especially when I'm a guest, but during the week I don't. The only treat I get is the occasional piece of 72% dark chocolate.