Weight gain despite working out and counting calories has me returning to bad habits

Sam29a

I am really struggling, please help! I have had trouble with my weight all my life. I lived all my teenage years and 20s bingeing and restricting. It's what a did year in, year out. My weight would change 20-40 lbs over a single year; it's never been steady as I was always trying to lose weight. I don't remember a time where I just ate normally, like everyone else.

I lost almost 60 lbs over a year and a half, from 2016 to mid-2017. I got to 107 lbs, but then I struggled to lose that last bit I wanted to lose, plus I was unhappy with my body composition as I'd done no exercise at all to lose weight. Just restricted my calories.

I thought I was doing things the 'healthy way' as I wasn't restricting as heavily as I used to (<500 calories for months). But now I look back, I realise, maybe it wasn't all that healthy. I was eating an average around 1200 calories per day to begin, but as time went on, my average decreased to around 1000, or less. For 3 months, my average was somewhere around 600-900 calories.

Once I hit 107 lbs, (a year and a half after I started), I really struggled to stick to low calories. I increased my allowance to 1300 plus began exercising. But I then started binge eating again, something that I hadn't done for a year and a half. Every other month I would binge, sometimes for days at a time, then back to restricting. The weight loss when restricting was painfully slow, I was struggling to lose anything, some weeks gaining weight despite sticking to my calories. Earlier this year from February to April, over 9 weeks, averaging under 1300 calories per day, I lost just 1 lb. That realisation, the feeling of failure, that despite not bingeing and constantly feeling hungry, I was barely able to lose weight, just gave me a reason to binge again.

It has been over a month since I binged. I was feeling good, working out 5-6 days a week, forcing myself to do it. Eating 1280-1330 calories a day. But I have gained more weight. Going up by over a pound, gaining inches instead of losing. I can't restrict more than I am. I'm constantly feeling hungry, feeling deprived, I can't go back to 1000 calories or under, but cannot lose weight now either. What can I do? I feel so upset and just want to give up and binge again. Why bother when I am destined to be fat forever?

Sorry this is so long but I'm hoping someone can help me.

luperjr52

Sounds like me. Refocus on yourself and keep telling yourself you are doing this to feel better! Just think of time when you first started how you felt and use that to push yourself!! Hang in there!! You want it!! Have to go for it!! Hopefully you can get some motivation from this.

kommodevaran

This calls for a professional. Please seek help. Now.

elisa123gal

Physical and Mental health is about "balance" - and you have lost your way.

Extreme dieting, or binge eating, or exercising...are all disorders. I think you realize that eating under 1000 calories a day is bad..and under 500 really unhealthy. You need either professional assistance and counseling to guide you. Or, you can stop doing what you feel...and do what you know in your head and follow the health guidelines for losing weight. Look up your mid point BMI..and set your calories for that number. It may take time to lose weight since you've dieted so extreme. You have to stick with it and give your body a chance to respond. Good luck.

Sam29a

elisa123gal wrote: »

Physical and Mental health is about "balance" - and you have lost your way.

Extreme dieting, or binge eating, or exercising...are all disorders. I think you realize that eating under 1000 calories a day is bad..and under 500 really unhealthy. You need either professional assistance and counseling to guide you. Or, you can stop doing what you feel...and do what you know in your head and follow the health guidelines for losing weight. Look up your mid point BMI..and set your calories for that number. It may take time to lose weight since you've dieted so extreme. You have to stick with it and give your body a chance to respond. Good luck.

Thanks for your response. I understand that I need to do things the healthy way, I have tried, but instead of losing weight, I gain it instead. If the guidelines worked, then I wouldn't need to restrict so much, but they don't. I feel stuck. I'm unhappy staying at my current weight, but can't lose weight doing things the healthy way. What choice does that leave me with?

viajera99

You haven't mentioned your age, your sex or your height. I agree that you appear to have issues that anonymous strangers on the internet cannot help you with. Google "eating disorder hotline or help" in your country and seek professional assistance.

There is a way out of this prison you feel you're in, but it's unfortunately not here. Best of luck to you.

tess5036

You said you got down to 107 lbs, you have not said what you are now, or how tall you are etc. For most people, that would be underweight. Whatever is going on, it sounds like you need some professional medical help, to identify what is going on with you. Go to see your doctor.

fiddletime

How tall are you? Are you M or F? What do you currently weigh? You haven’t “gained weight”. A pound of weight gain over a couple of months is called Maintenance. You’ve found you maintenance range and are staying there. Many would consider that a success, not a failure. Are you 108 now?

Robsey48

HEY-don't freak out. Sounds like my life in my 20's and 30's....its really hard to start doing it the right way. I am 100% with you-just started working with a personal trainer-I gained 50 lbs over 2 years and have stayed this weight for past 2 years.Its very depressing, but I am not giving up.
Stop weighing yourself and start feeling good about your progress---use the app to analyze your habits, go to an endocrinologist and get your thyroid checked- the type of dieting you describe may have jacked up (down) your metabolism.
Don't give up, sister!

Robsey48

and you're not crazy-ignore those comments -this is a great place to start to share your journey.

kommodevaran

Sam29a wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

Physical and Mental health is about "balance" - and you have lost your way.

Extreme dieting, or binge eating, or exercising...are all disorders. I think you realize that eating under 1000 calories a day is bad..and under 500 really unhealthy. You need either professional assistance and counseling to guide you. Or, you can stop doing what you feel...and do what you know in your head and follow the health guidelines for losing weight. Look up your mid point BMI..and set your calories for that number. It may take time to lose weight since you've dieted so extreme. You have to stick with it and give your body a chance to respond. Good luck.

Thanks for your response. I understand that I need to do things the healthy way, I have tried, but instead of losing weight, I gain it instead. If the guidelines worked, then I wouldn't need to restrict so much, but they don't. I feel stuck. I'm unhappy staying at my current weight, but can't lose weight doing things the healthy way. What choice does that leave me with?

To do things the healthy way, you have to be disciplined to go on doing healthy things, not to push through unhealthy things. Doing is not trying, trying is fumbling around in the dark, doing is being informed, and continue to do, through ups and downs, while trusting the process. Your weight flucutates. Your goal weight might be unhealthy - how tall are you? Your choice is to accept facts and succeed, or continue the path you're on.

Sam29a

kommodevaran wrote: »

Sam29a wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

Physical and Mental health is about "balance" - and you have lost your way.

Extreme dieting, or binge eating, or exercising...are all disorders. I think you realize that eating under 1000 calories a day is bad..and under 500 really unhealthy. You need either professional assistance and counseling to guide you. Or, you can stop doing what you feel...and do what you know in your head and follow the health guidelines for losing weight. Look up your mid point BMI..and set your calories for that number. It may take time to lose weight since you've dieted so extreme. You have to stick with it and give your body a chance to respond. Good luck.

Thanks for your response. I understand that I need to do things the healthy way, I have tried, but instead of losing weight, I gain it instead. If the guidelines worked, then I wouldn't need to restrict so much, but they don't. I feel stuck. I'm unhappy staying at my current weight, but can't lose weight doing things the healthy way. What choice does that leave me with?

To do things the healthy way, you have to be disciplined to go on doing healthy things, not to push through unhealthy things. Doing is not trying, trying is fumbling around in the dark, doing is being informed, and continue to do, through ups and downs, while trusting the process. Your weight flucutates. Your goal weight might be unhealthy - how tall are you? Your choice is to accept facts and succeed, or continue the path you're on.

I don't quite understand what your point is. That I haven't tried? That I haven't tried to inform myself? Also, what exactly are the facts that I need to accept? I've done the best I can, but now I see that it hasn't been good enough. I honestly believed that I was doing things the healthy way now, had been slowly losing weight for 1.5 years, not binge eating at all over that time. I told others that wanted to lose weight that they shouldn't diet and restrict too much, how I had finally found my way and was now never going back to crash dieting.

Weight loss even when restricting is very slow, 0.5 lb a week, some weeks 1 lb, other weeks nothing at all, or a small gain. I was okay with that as long as the general trend is downward.

Goal weight is on the lower side, but not unhealthy for my height. I'm only 5'2.

kommodevaran

Sam29a wrote: »

kommodevaran wrote: »

Sam29a wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

Physical and Mental health is about "balance" - and you have lost your way.

Extreme dieting, or binge eating, or exercising...are all disorders. I think you realize that eating under 1000 calories a day is bad..and under 500 really unhealthy. You need either professional assistance and counseling to guide you. Or, you can stop doing what you feel...and do what you know in your head and follow the health guidelines for losing weight. Look up your mid point BMI..and set your calories for that number. It may take time to lose weight since you've dieted so extreme. You have to stick with it and give your body a chance to respond. Good luck.

Thanks for your response. I understand that I need to do things the healthy way, I have tried, but instead of losing weight, I gain it instead. If the guidelines worked, then I wouldn't need to restrict so much, but they don't. I feel stuck. I'm unhappy staying at my current weight, but can't lose weight doing things the healthy way. What choice does that leave me with?

To do things the healthy way, you have to be disciplined to go on doing healthy things, not to push through unhealthy things. Doing is not trying, trying is fumbling around in the dark, doing is being informed, and continue to do, through ups and downs, while trusting the process. Your weight flucutates. Your goal weight might be unhealthy - how tall are you? Your choice is to accept facts and succeed, or continue the path you're on.

I don't quite understand what your point is. That I haven't tried? That I haven't tried to inform myself? Also, what exactly are the facts that I need to accept? I've done the best I can, but now I see that it hasn't been good enough. I honestly believed that I was doing things the healthy way now, had been slowly losing weight for 1.5 years, not binge eating at all over that time. I told others that wanted to lose weight that they shouldn't diet and restrict too much, how I had finally found my way and was now never going back to crash dieting.

Weight loss even when restricting is very slow, 0.5 lb a week, some weeks 1 lb, other weeks nothing at all, or a small gain. I was okay with that as long as the general trend is downward.

Informing yourself includes listening to experienced people, even when it hurts your pride.

Facts: Weight will always fluctuate, and when you don't have much to lose, your loss will be masked by those fluctuations. You will have to be vigilant, but if you log correctly and hit your calorie target consistently, over time, you will lose weight. Knowing and accepting isn't the same. Knowing is in your head, theoretically; accepting is in your body, intuitively.

Goal weight is on the lower side, but not unhealthy for my height. I'm only 5'2.

Good to hear, BMI 19.6 is isn't an unhealthy goal. I'll just remind you that the lower you go, the harder it is and the more effort is necessary.