My family says I shouldn't lose more weight

RadishEater

RaeBeeBaby wrote: »

mountainmare wrote: »

I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.

When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!

ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:

The chart for 5'7" gives a range of 121-154 lbs, which seems right on par with every other chart I have checked including aarp, NIH, cdc. I think if you are neither busty or pear shaped it is quite feasible to be at the low range.

dsboohead

Take the discussion off of the table and never mention weight...weight lost or future weight desires.
Talk about your diet and how your tastes of different foods have changed because you want to live a long healthy life.
THAT will give them a glazed over look and then you can escape!

lavapixie

Thanks for all the advice, and you're right, I shouldn't be mentioning I have 7 kg left, not sure why I do that to be honest haha.

And I have been thinking that maybe I should possibly try to gain some muscle after I have reached my goal weight. I have pretty small hips and butt compared to my shoulders and I absolutely hate it. I've been wondering if it is possible for me to build up my lower body a bit when I've lost all the weight and can eat more calories. I'd like to maybe put on 2-4 kg of muscle after most of my belly fat has gone down. I still have a bit of a belly, strangely my waist hasn't gone down much. 10 centimeters at most, so I'm mostly trying to slim down in that area.

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them!

motivatedmartha

mountainmare wrote: »

Stop saying I have 7kg more to lose, there is no reason to tell anyone, then they won't even have a discussion to start.

This. If you receive any comments about your weight loss just smile - your quest for another 7kg is no-one else's business. If they say you shouldn't lose any more just say 'Oh, do you think so?' And move on.

kimny72

lavapixie wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice, and you're right, I shouldn't be mentioning I have 7 kg left, not sure why I do that to be honest haha.

And I have been thinking that maybe I should possibly try to gain some muscle after I have reached my goal weight. I have pretty small hips and butt compared to my shoulders and I absolutely hate it. I've been wondering if it is possible for me to build up my lower body a bit when I've lost all the weight and can eat more calories. I'd like to maybe put on 2-4 kg of muscle after most of my belly fat has gone down. I still have a bit of a belly, strangely my waist hasn't gone down much. 10 centimeters at most, so I'm mostly trying to slim down in that area.

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them!

FYI, you don't have to wait - start now! Putting on a little muscle can change your shape, sometimes even more than losing the last 10 lbs Start now to begin to build up your strength, then once you're ready to eat at maintenance (or even a small surplus) you can make more progress.

sardelsa

lavapixie wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice, and you're right, I shouldn't be mentioning I have 7 kg left, not sure why I do that to be honest haha.

And I have been thinking that maybe I should possibly try to gain some muscle after I have reached my goal weight. I have pretty small hips and butt compared to my shoulders and I absolutely hate it. I've been wondering if it is possible for me to build up my lower body a bit when I've lost all the weight and can eat more calories. I'd like to maybe put on 2-4 kg of muscle after most of my belly fat has gone down. I still have a bit of a belly, strangely my waist hasn't gone down much. 10 centimeters at most, so I'm mostly trying to slim down in that area.

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them!

You can start to put on muscle now by recomp.. so you stay the same weight but work on body composition. If you still wanted to lose that is fine too, but I would start lifting now while you lose that last bit of weight.. it will help retain what you have so you don't lose more muscle than necessary. At that point you can think about gaining weight/muscle if you desire.

apullum

RaeBeeBaby wrote: »

mountainmare wrote: »

I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.

When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!

ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:

Yeah, the relative who made the "too small for anyone" comment was also very obese and had multiple health problems related to obesity. She had no idea what a healthy weight looked like. She ultimately died at a relatively young age of diabetes-related complications, which was especially sad because it probably could have been prevented. I don't want to have her mindset toward weight and health.

Mouse_Potato

RadishEater wrote: »

RaeBeeBaby wrote: »

mountainmare wrote: »

I got comments from one relative who told me that my current size is "too small for anyone" and one who told me I would be ugly if I lost any more weight. Sometimes relatives mean well and are bad at communicating it. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. But no matter what, the harassment you're getting is not acceptable.

When I was at my most fit (5'5" and 137ish) with a BF% of around 22% I got lots of negative comments from relatives. My sister-in-law actually called me skinny "b*tch to my face in front of a room full of people. I knew I looked good and was a healthy weight so I just let it go and walked away. Although not to the same level, I'm still working on my fitness and she is now morbidly obese with diabetes and high BP. Karma is a skinny "b*tch"!

ETA: I checked out that weight chart posted above and it's actually pretty scary low. At 5'5" it has me between 112-133 (converted from kg) which is WAY too little IMO. This is why the internet can be so misleading. Whoever came up with that chart is not a medical expert. :noway:

The chart for 5'7" gives a range of 121-154 lbs, which seems right on par with every other chart I have checked including aarp, NIH, cdc. I think if you are neither busty or pear shaped it is quite feasible to be at the low range.

Seems pretty reasonable to me as well. I'm 5'3" and the range is 103-127. I am currently maintaining between 115 and 120 and it would not hurt me to lose a few more. When I was 130 and higher I was definitely chubby.

tess5036

I had a well meaning (and dear) friend tell me I have lost so much already they thought it was possible I could not loose any more, (I still have about 20 - 30 lbs to go). They though I might be setting myself up for failure.

A solo suggested to me by another friend was to refer to loosing the last bit, as 'toning up'.

apullum

I agree that the posted weight/height chart has weight ranges that are considerably below other sources, and I wouldn't use that chart for anything.

I am just under 5 feet tall and weigh about 113 pounds on average. This is the only chart I've ever seen that categorizes me outside the "ideal" weight range for my height, which is usually about 95-120 pounds (give or take a couple). This chart claims that a 5 foot tall woman should weigh about 88-110 pounds.

Interestingly, the BMI calculator on the same page says I am an "ideal" weight and correctly reports my BMI around 22. It also tells me that if I did weigh 88 pounds, I would be underweight.

This chart is posted on a website for a gym, so they do have a business interest in convincing people to lose more weight.

For what it's worth, I am absolutely not interested in weighing 88 pounds.

julie_bee_123

I had to convert everything to pounds, but I'm also 5'7" and I am planning to be somewhere between 130-140. (I have no firm plans, just will check and see how I look and feel.) I was 135 for years, and I didn't look too thin. It was a great weight for me. I was 125 all through high school which was still okay, but I have no desire to look like my high school self again.

DawnEmbers

apullum wrote: »

I agree that the posted weight/height chart has weight ranges that are considerably below other sources, and I wouldn't use that chart for anything.

I am just under 5 feet tall and weigh about 113 pounds on average. This is the only chart I've ever seen that categorizes me outside the "ideal" weight range for my height, which is usually about 95-120 pounds (give or take a couple). This chart claims that a 5 foot tall woman should weigh about 88-110 pounds.

Interestingly, the BMI calculator on the same page says I am an "ideal" weight and correctly reports my BMI around 22. It also tells me that if I did weigh 88 pounds, I would be underweight.

This chart is posted on a website for a gym, so they do have a business interest in convincing people to lose more weight.

For what it's worth, I am absolutely not interested in weighing 88 pounds.

Agreed. I am 4’11” and general BMI recommends under 120 but 88 is low. I am struggling to just get under 120 still (finally made it in there 120s) but used to weigh over 200.

As for family, now you have a bit of a gauge and who to discuss things with. Mine doesn’t say I am too small but try to encourage by saying it is just skin and not fat I need to lose. People respond different and some can be good for communication on the process and others can just be left out of the loop a little.

apullum

DawnEmbers wrote: »

apullum wrote: »

I agree that the posted weight/height chart has weight ranges that are considerably below other sources, and I wouldn't use that chart for anything.

I am just under 5 feet tall and weigh about 113 pounds on average. This is the only chart I've ever seen that categorizes me outside the "ideal" weight range for my height, which is usually about 95-120 pounds (give or take a couple). This chart claims that a 5 foot tall woman should weigh about 88-110 pounds.

Interestingly, the BMI calculator on the same page says I am an "ideal" weight and correctly reports my BMI around 22. It also tells me that if I did weigh 88 pounds, I would be underweight.

This chart is posted on a website for a gym, so they do have a business interest in convincing people to lose more weight.

For what it's worth, I am absolutely not interested in weighing 88 pounds.

Agreed. I am 4’11” and general BMI recommends under 120 but 88 is low. I am struggling to just get under 120 still (finally made it in there 120s) but used to weigh over 200.

As for family, now you have a bit of a gauge and who to discuss things with. Mine doesn’t say I am too small but try to encourage by saying it is just skin and not fat I need to lose. People respond different and some can be good for communication on the process and others can just be left out of the loop a little.

I started at 215 and am technically 4’11.75” so I totally get it. I’m happy to talk more, but don’t want to derail OP’s thread anymore, so I’ll just end with “Don’t trust that chart if you’re short.”

MHarper522

elisa123gal wrote: »

What I love about the BMI chart, is that it is objective collective top notch medical advice. If your goal weight is within your BMI, then you are fine. Loved ones often want to keep you as you were as much as possible. So, you can't really take their advice. Maybe stop talking about the fact you're still losing..they will get used to the new healthy you.

BMI is definitely not top notch medical advice. A weight can fall in the heathly range and be underweight for some people, and other weights (especially for people with larger frames or more muscle mass) fall in overweight on the BMI scale. BMI is a reference, but not the end-all-be-all.

I'm 5'8" on a large frame and muscular - at 60k I would look ill. But that's me. I think you are on the right track with checking with your doctor, especially after such an amazing change (congratulations on your accomplishment!). I would not pay too much attention to your family telling you to stop losing weight, as long as you feel it is right for you and your doctor agrees.