How to emotionally handle hubs losing 60lbs but you’re struggling.

kelsjohnst

My hard working husband lost 60lbs and is now building muscle. He looks amazing. I’m proud of him...but I’m currently struggling to even lose just 10lbs and hearing friends and family compliment him EVERY DAY is really starting to make me feel bad about myself.
It seems easy to say “use it to motivate yourself!” But instead I just feel depressed and beat myself down with thoughts like he is so fit and shouldn’t be with an obese wife. Ugh! Anyone in a similar position?

emmamcgarity

Men and women are different. Men tend to burn more calories and lose weight a bit faster. They also don't have the same hormonal issues that women do. So, it's a bit unfair to yourself to compare your progress to his. His weight loss is unrelated to yours just like any other person's journey.

That said, it sounds like you are struggling. Is there anything in particular you are struggling with related to your own plan that you need help with?

kelsjohnst

Just that I’m an emotional eater. I stay at home with 3 kids so if they overwhelm me I find comfort in food. 😞

TavistockToad

Comparrison is the thief of joy

emmamcgarity

Ok, emotional eating. There is something you can look at. Do you track the food when you eat emotionally? (Not casting stones here, I've cried my way into a one pound bag of M&Ms) How are you doing on your plan so far for today?

AKTipsyCat

I started dating a man who was WAY more physically fit than me and easily 40 pounds leaner... then I gained even more weight. *sigh* and was almost 60 pounds heavier than him. It really did a number on me, and rather than it encouraging me to exercise more, I actually did it even LESS, because I didn't feel I could keep up with him. I didn't want him to see me at the gym and come to the realization that he was with a fat, unhealthy woman. However at the beginning of the year, I really committed to a healthier way of eating (Whole 30 then transitioned to a lazy Keto) - and he did the Whole 30 part with me which was a HUGE help; and while he did a slightly different version because his needs are more athletic, being a team, not drinking and finding healthier ways to spend our evenings (including going on nice walks after dinner instead of just sitting down to Netflix) brought us closer together. He's still skinnier than me, LOL - but now the difference is only 15 pounds and shrinking! So all I can say is don't beat yourself up too bad, acknowledge that the struggle to lose weight is real and woman do seem to typically lose weight slower than men, and that every few pounds is a victory. I'm sure he loves you for the person you are, so let him enjoy his new body (make sure you enjoy it too - lol) and you keep working on you at your own pace.

88olds

Unfair comparison as pointed out above. Start by sticking up for yourself and push back against the idea you’re in some sort of competition with your husband. It’s not only not fair, it’s not helpful.

Do you want to lose weight? Or do you think you should lose weight or think you should want to lose weight? Should driven weight loss isn’t going to prove helpful either.

If you decide you want to lose weight, get involved in the weight loss process. Calculate a modest calorie deficit, start a food diary, plan a menu and start to crunch numbers. If your husband isn’t doing any of that, all the better. He can do his thing, you do yours. Say nothing. Don’t talk about your intentions, plans, methods or progress. Not to your husband, best friend or anyone. Work alone, stealthy. Keep posting here.

Be careful around the kids. Chew sugar free gum during food prep if you have to. Food prep isn’t snack time. Food that’s left behind by the kids is either leftovers or garbage. Not for you unless you want to count it.

Btw everything always gets recorded in your food diary no matter what. Going over your number is not a reason to quit the food diary. Use pen and paper if you’re busy. Get and use a food scale. 10 lbs is a great goal. Get started before it becomes 20. Can happen in what seems like the blink of an eye. Good luck.

walking2running

Also, keep in mind that most people who lose weight gain it back. If you lose weight slowly and consistently, you might end up ahead of him! (Not that I wish a regain on your husband!)

You had mentioned that you feel overwhelmed being at home with 3 kids. Maybe the issue is that you're not getting enough me-time to go to the gym and get healthy, while your husband's getting out to the gym? Is that sparking the resentment more so than the weight loss?

I also used to stress-eat with my kids. From the time I came home around 5 pm to the time the kids went to bed at 8 pm, I snacked constantly to deal with that feeling of being pulled in different directions. I made a choice NOT to snack. First week was hell, and then it felt like second nature, and now I feel more present with the kids.