Okay to give up?

takesonetoknowone

I’ve been trying harder than I ever have for the past month to lose weight. I’ve been logging and exercising at least an hour every day, doing weights on alternate days, going out walking every day and my weight just fluctuates slightly, I’m not losing anything. Is there a point where you just have to concede that it won’t happen? I’ve tried incredibly hard and have nothing to show for it, other than a lot of time wasted on mindless exercise that I could have been doing something constructive.

TavistockToad

you don't think your health is important or something 'constructive' to work on?

kommodevaran

There is a point where you can decide it's good enough. When it comes to weight, it's usually a BMI within "normal" range. Are you there yet? What's your height and weight?

Work smart, don't try hard. To lose weight, you have to eat less than you burn, for real, consistently, and for a long time. That is something you do, not try. MFP gives you a calorie target to hit, you decide whether to stick to it or not.

eminater

I would suggest to focus on food first, and then slowly build the exercise in. Getting the food logging correct and sticking to the calorie goals will have an impact on the scales. Try that for a month and then gently add in exercise - also - try and stick to exercise you enjoy and can build into your normal day-to-day life.

Shimy777

It's never Okay to give up on your self
First of all you have to exclude endocrinal causes of weight gain
If excluded you have to do your best to eat (healthy) and exercise.
And the most important thing is that health is not only measured by the number on the scale you may have the same weight but not the same body composition.
And always remember the weight you gained through out years won't just drop in a month or so.

88olds

Exercise is vastly overrated as a weight loss strategy. If you aren’t losing it’s because you aren’t eating at a deficit. But a deficit is a fine line to walk with demanding workouts.

On one hand it’s not written anywhere that anybody has to lose weight. But I don’t like seeing people putting their lives at risk or living in isolation because of their weight. Losing weight can be liberating. At least that’s how it worked out for me.

All that said, and you don’t say where you are in the process, there was a time in my life when I needed fitness, but couldn’t get my mind off the scale. My failure to figure that out worked out badly.

amusedmonkey

It's okay to give up on the strategies that had you spinning your wheels. It's okay to decide that there is room for growth and learning. If there comes a point where you decide you would rather not lose weight, this is also okay and is entirely your decision to make, but wouldn't you want to make it because you consciously decide that weight loss isn't a priority instead of making it from a place of helplessness and giving up?

There are many ways to stop working so hard, to focus your energy on the things and behaviors that would generate most of your results instead of working yourself to the ground with unnecessary rules and restrictions. There are also ways to teach yourself to look at food management and activity as part of life. It doesn't happen overnight, but there are things you can do to facilitate that.

It's ultimately your decision, but I really urge you to tap into that curiosity inside you. "I wonder what would happen if I try that", "I wonder why I did this", "It's interesting that this food was so filling", "I wonder how I could make this activity more enjoyable"...etc. By focusing on what works and troubleshooting what doesn't, you can eventually find your best strategies if you're curious and willing.

takesonetoknowone

I remain eternally at the start of the process. I’ve never lost an appreciable amount of weight and likely never will. I was just a bit dismayed that my latest, most committed and sustained effort had the same result as all my previous half-hearted attempts and wondered if anyone had any perspective on admitting to oneself that it’s time to just stop as it’s never going to happen. I can think of much more enjoyable, fulfilling things to do for an hour each day than a cardio workout.

I do indeed want to be healthy, try the things I'm currently unable to do because of my weight and it would be interesting to be treated with something other than indifference and contempt by others. But is the cost too much? Is the constant disappointment and depression from failure just not worth it?

ACanadian22

I have upped my workouts this past month as well. My numbers have been going down just a bit but my inches have been really changing. I don't have much to lose so it is slow. Do you have much to lose?

takesonetoknowone

Oh yeah, more than I care to think about 🙂

amusedmonkey

let me put this for you into perspective. I have been at it for 6 years. Total weight loss: 110 pounds. That's an average of 1.5 pounds a month. How could I stay the course for this entire time? I measure my progress by my habit and strategy building, not by weight, this way I always have something to look forward to and every day I did at least one thing right is a success. I don't feel like I'm working hard, but i'm not not working.

There is little cost to me. I don't do an hour of cardio every day. I'm just more active in general in daily life. I didn't swear off social life and food rituals, I'm just more organized at jigsawing my calories. I didn't have to give up anything or commit to anything extreme, I just tried to make my life, in general, a better fit for health. When I regained weight I didn't feel I was failing, I felt it was a golden opportunity to learn why and how to potentially avoid the triggers that caused it. It's all about the mindset.

ACanadian22

Ok...I think the best right now would be to do what @eminater said. Focus on the foods first. Afterall, it is 80% food. Be kind to yourself. You will get there

Machka9

Have you tried entering your information into MFP, selecting sedentary as your activity level, and then eating that amount of calories determined by weighing your food with a food scale and logging it accurately?

88olds

Ok. Don’t miss out on living because of your weight.

If you aren’t losing, you’re eating too much. There, I said it, the words that are never to be spoken on a weight loss board. The way to keep yourself in check is a food diary.

This is what worked for me, and I think it will work for others- unrelenting tracking. A food dairy, logging, journal whatever you want to call it. Did someone already say this- work smart. You don’t need to work hard.

Oh, I went to the gym. I did between 30-40 min of moderate cardio 6X per week. And 2 Pilates classes. But my workout intensity was never more than moderate. It was recreation, stress reduction. It wasn’t much of a calorie burn, but it was, I guess, a calorie counting cushion. I never bought a Fitbit, I think it would just encourage me to eat more.

We only get one life. If you feel like it’s passing you by, fix this. It’s doable.

perkele69

If you’re logging correctly and a calorie defecit and not losing anything... you’ll be the first person in history that this happened to and your body is somehow not conforming to physics.

You need to eat less energy than surviving uses to lose weight. If you aren’t losing weight, it means you’re eating at or more than maintainance calories.

livingleanlivingclean

In the past month you have a number of days with no food logged, and some days with very little food logged. What happened on these days?

The other days you appear to be eating under your calorie goal before you include exercise cals - if this was all accurate, you'd be losing weight.

Are you being completely honest with yourself in your food log?

Millicent3015

If you don't like the exercises you're doing, find ones you do like. It sounds like you've been going full tilt, and, unless you're an athlete or used to that kind of strict regime, you might find it unsustainable. I don't know what your goals are; are you aiming for a long term lifestyle change, or is this a 'quick fix' thing for you? If you're going to get discouraged after only a month of hard work, maybe you need to manage your expectations. There's lots of factors that might be at play here, and a part of that is your own mindset. You're not seeing results on the scale so you think nothing is happening, but maybe your body is becoming healthy on the inside. Is your aim to be slim or to be healthy? The two don't necessarily go together. You need to give it time; everyone's different so you may not see visible results for a while. Do you need to tweak your eating habits or learn new ones? Do you need to go full tilt or settle into a pattern of slow, steady weight loss? If you lose weight fast without changing any behaviours you run the risk of ending up gaining it all back again. So maybe you need to think more about long term, sustainable weight loss goals, instead of going all out for a short period of time and then getting discouraged or giving up when change doesn't come quickly enough for you.

randielizabethwatts

First and foremost I would get your hormone levels checked. Once you can exclude that, you can KNOW that your logging is the issue. I’m having a rough day too. The scale is up and I’m pissed. But you have to keep going or else you just give in to a life of hating your body. Because you are resenting your workouts, why not focus all of your energy on the that you’re eating and consistently weighing your food? When you are ready, add in cardio etc. wishing you the best!

amusedmonkey

Practically, I would ignore everything and focus on logging food accurately. That's the skill to master if you want to lose weight and anything you tried in the past didn't work. You can add to that skill from there. If your mindset keeps sabotaging you or if you have issues that are beyond weight loss (you mentioned feeling depressed and that people are indifferent towards you) maybe therapy is not a bad idea, or at least some useful resources if you don't think therapy is a good option for you.

I bought the audio version of this because I was really interested in CBT:
https://www.thegreatcourses.com/courses/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-for-retraining-your-brain.html

I thought it was very well presented and organized. It offers a set of very useful skills for all kinds of situations, including how to handle the kind of self talk you're currently having. If you have access to something similar, it may help you understand your thoughts and tease them apart so you're not so hard on yourself when you don't see the results you want.

mulecanter

The fact that you posted here means you have not given up, you just want help. Perfect. Absorb the spot-on advice in this thread and Just Do It. When you get your intake calibrated and on plan you will see the weight come off as if by magic.

ladyhusker39

Sure, you can do whatever you want to do. You're the one who had to live with the consequences of your choices. Are you ok with that?