Someone smacked my butt today...

LenGray

Hey guys. So, a bit of background. I've struggled with my weight for most of my life. A large part of the gain was ignorance, which I fixed, but another part is that I hate having random people hit on/harass me. There are very few situations in which I don't feel extremely uncomfortable with that kind of attention (It's only been within the last 3 years that I don't have panic attacks because of it)

The last time I was on here, I lost 35 lbs and was really happy...but then I started getting a lot of attention and people harassing me. I was so uncomfortable with this that I went into depression and gained most of the weight back. After a year or so of working on my mental state, I decided to try again.

Today, I was at the grocery store and had both hands full+ keys in my mouth and this random scruffy dude standing in the door smacked my butt and said 'whoops' with a huge grin. I glared at him (couldn't speak because of keys) and he told me that I 'should consider it a compliment'. I dropped my groceries off at my car and turned back to give him a piece of my mind, but he was already gone.

I know that jerks are going to be jerks, but it really threw me for a loop. I'm supposed to do a weight lifting workout today and now I just feel really gross and like giving up on getting healthier. I have a really important reason to lose weight, but I'm really afraid that this behavior is just going to get worse as I progress...

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here, except maybe some advice and support. Thanks and sorry for the long post.

TavistockToad

Have you thought about seeing a therapist?

While he needed a kick to the balls and was obviously a kitten, it shouldn't make you give up.

cmriverside

hm.

I used to get that kind of attention when I was younger, it's uncomfortable. It's not because you're thinner, though. It's because he is an @ss.

It's more uncomfortable being fat.

And it's more uncomfortable letting idiots control what I think.



Maybe learn kick-boxing?

Katiebear_81

You're not responsible for him harassing you. This is fully a HIM problem.

I agree that perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist just to talk stuff like this out.

I feel better when I'm stronger, like I'm willing to confront people who treat me badly. So maybe if you keep working out, you'll become less likely to get messed with, and the harassment will be easier to deal with.

pinuplove

Ugh. That's completely gross and unacceptable, and if you had done this to him, it's nothing less than he deserved:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vowxhp03O1Q

cmriverside

heh.

I used to work at a bar/restaurant. We didn't even dress in a revealing way. Polo shirts and knee-length (for me) skirts or trousers. Thankfully I wore tights and underwear under my skirts.

A guy put his hand under my skirt when I was delivering food to the bar.

I went back with a pitcher of water and poured it on his lap - and then I went and told my manager. I didn't want to get in trouble! (and I didn't.) Ya gotta be feisty in the food industry, guys try this stuff all the time. Sometimes it's even the manager.

I didn't know quite what to do with that manager situation.

amgreenwell

It's awful and hopefully one day someone will punch him in the throat for it.

BUT you don't need to give up all your progress b/c other people don't react well. Try to get some therapy for your issues but realize that if you are the only one that can make you happy, then you are the only one that can make yourself miserable too.
Don't let other people deter the progress you've made. Go lift weights and kick some *ss tonight!!!

pinuplove

cmriverside wrote: »

heh.

I used to work at a bar/restaurant. We didn't even dress in a revealing way. Polo shirts and skirts or trousers. Thankfully I wore tights and underwear under my skirts.

A guy put his hand under my skirt when I was delivering food to the bar.

I went back with a pitcher of water and poured it on his lap - and then I went and told my manager. I didn't want to get in trouble! (and I didn't.) Ya gotta be feisty in the food industry, guys try this stuff all the time. Sometimes it's even the manager.

I didn't know quite what to do with that one.

I must have a don't *kitten* with me attitude. No random guy has ever grabbed my butt, regardless of my weight. Not quite sure how I'd react, but probably not well.

I hope it was a pitcher of ice water

quiksylver296

Katiebear_81 wrote: »

You're not responsible for him harassing you. This is fully a HIM problem.

I agree that perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist just to talk stuff like this out.

I feel better when I'm stronger, like I'm willing to confront people who treat me badly. So maybe if you keep working out, you'll become *kitten* with, and the harassment will be easier to deal with.

I agree with ALL of this.

LenGray

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a bit better now that I finished my workout and got some lunch.

@TavistockToad, I used to see a therapist. They assured me that this sort of thing would get easier with time. Maybe I should go for a few sessions though, since it's obviously messing with me still. I like to think that a jerk like that wouldn't make me give up, but it just hit my motivation when I was feeling a bit low to begin with, and made me worried that I might derail again.

@cmriverside, You're right The dude was a total *kitten* and I shouldn't let him get to me. I have too many great reasons to keep going. I've been thinking about self-defense classes for a while now...maybe I need to start looking into it a bit more seriously.

@Katiebear_81, Thanks I really needed to hear that. Lifting has helped me a lot with my confidence and ability to confront people. I think today just caught me by surprise, is all.

@pinuplove, That lady is one of my heroes

@amgreenwell, You're 100% right. All I can do is affect my own behavior. I did my workout and have a tasty dinner planned...maybe I should rent an inspirational fitness movie and make up some ginger green tea while I paint my nails? Or at least do something to treat myself extraordinarily well for the bad behavior I had to put up with today

psychod787

I have a rule. I tend to treat women like being in a glass shop. Look, but don't touch. I am not saying women are just objects, just something my granny taught me as a kid.

Iamnotasenior

You received some great ideas here today. Let me add just one. Take a self defense class for women. Not that you need to attack anyone, but the knowledge that you could if you wanted/need to, is empowering. The great thing that they teach you that anyone of any fitness level can achieve is to be vocal, very, very vocal with people who get in your personal space or even think about touching you. A glare is a great thing to practice (I personally have adopted the resting *kitten* face whenever I'm out and about) but even better is being able to look someone in the eye and yell at the top of your lungs "BACK OFF!". Make noise, attract attention to yourself and to the slimeball who dared to touch you. It feels good and it is a great way to make yourself feel safer.

kchapman588

That sounds really rude, who would just DO that.

saragd012

Iamnotasenior wrote: »

You received some great ideas here today. Let me add just one. Take a self defense class for women. Not that you need to attack anyone, but the knowledge that you could if you wanted/need to, is empowering. The great thing that they teach you that anyone of any fitness level can achieve is to be vocal, very, very vocal with people who get in your personal space or even think about touching you. A glare is a great thing to practice (I personally have adopted the resting *kitten* face whenever I'm out and about) but even better is being able to look someone in the eye and yell at the top of your lungs "BACK OFF!". Make noise, attract attention to yourself and to the slimeball who dared to touch you. It feels good and it is a great way to make yourself feel safer.

This for sure. I grew up thinking being groped/harassed by creepy men/boys was a part of life as a woman. Until I got older and realized I didn't have to just accept anything, and I learned how to better protect myself. Self defense classes help, but I've found the most effective method is usually to get loud. I'm not a loud person by nature, and I do not like too much attention, but I wont hesitate to make a scene and embarrass someone into reconsidering ever doing it again. People wouldn't behave that way if they believed there were consequences, they are too used to US feeling embarrassed and quietly taking it. Nope, I'll loudly say something like "I don't know you, why would you think you can grab by *kitten* like that?" or "what kind of man gropes strangers in a grocery store? Get away from me". 9/10 they high tail it out of there, and if not I've made enough of a scene that people are watching and I know I can get away without him being able to follow me without drawing extra attention to himself.

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this, but please don't let it deter you. Creeps are creeps, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything you did. You are not responsible for his disgusting behavior.

dsboohead

No we cannot escape idiots but be ready with a good swift kick!
Do not let idiots derail you. There are a lot of good guys out there too!

mjrc2

saragd012 wrote: »

Iamnotasenior wrote: »

You received some great ideas here today. Let me add just one. Take a self defense class for women. Not that you need to attack anyone, but the knowledge that you could if you wanted/need to, is empowering. The great thing that they teach you that anyone of any fitness level can achieve is to be vocal, very, very vocal with people who get in your personal space or even think about touching you. A glare is a great thing to practice (I personally have adopted the resting *kitten* face whenever I'm out and about) but even better is being able to look someone in the eye and yell at the top of your lungs "BACK OFF!". Make noise, attract attention to yourself and to the slimeball who dared to touch you. It feels good and it is a great way to make yourself feel safer.

This for sure. I grew up thinking being groped/harassed by creepy men/boys was a part of life as a woman. Until I got older and realized I didn't have to just accept anything, and I learned how to better protect myself. Self defense classes help, but I've found the most effective method is usually to get loud. I'm not a loud person by nature, and I do not like too much attention, but I wont hesitate to make a scene and embarrass someone into reconsidering ever doing it again. People wouldn't behave that way if they believed there were consequences, they are too used to US feeling embarrassed and quietly taking it. Nope, I'll loudly say something like "I don't know you, why would you think you can grab by *kitten* like that?" or "what kind of man gropes strangers in a grocery store? Get away from me". 9/10 they high tail it out of there, and if not I've made enough of a scene that people are watching and I know I can get away without him being able to follow me without drawing extra attention to himself.

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this, but please don't let it deter you. Creeps are creeps, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything you did. You are not responsible for his disgusting behavior.

All of the responses are great, but especially ^^^these two^^^

To piggy back on what has already been said, When someone touches or invades your space, always yell and be loud, and lets also hope that others will help out. I would hope that everyone on here, if they heard someone yell, DON'T GRAB ME THAT IS NOT OKAY that we would stop and get involved!!! Don't just think, someone else will intervene. We need to start being a culture that will not tolerate such behavior and stand up for each other!!