Back to losing too fast...

Amandachanges

And it’s not on purpose. I had a majorly stressful life event, followed by continued health scares. My appetite has been dead. I have no support system in my life...no one to talk to. I’m in this life alone (except for my children, who don’t need to shoulder my burdens). Yesterday it was all I could do to force down some granola and a cup of yogurt. The weight is melting off. I feel empty, while I should be happy. I don’t want to lose this way. What is it about severe stress/anger/sadness/fear that kills your appetite and causes weight loss?

kommodevaran

A cocktail of hormones, basically adrenaline, kills your appetite. You can still eat. You must eat, for you, and for your children.

TavistockToad

Have you seen your doctor?

Amandachanges

I put in an email to my doctor on Friday. I’m having health symptoms that could point to pancreatic disease (scary), or gallbladder dysfunction (I’ve had every test but a HIDA scan). On top of that, my 18 year old son stole my only meaningful possessions (my camera equipment, worth about $2,800), and sold them all to buy stuff for him and his online girlfriend. I am poor, so it took me years to save up for that equipment. He sold it all for $200. I am heartbroken. I have memory problems, have for years. That equipment was used to document my children’s lives...so I can look back and remember bits and pieces. Now it’s gone. The person he sold it to turned around and sold it on eBay for over $2,000. It isn’t possible to get it back. I could sue my son, but he is unemployed, on probation, and insolvent. I have been going around the house doing a spring cleaning from hell. Throwing out everything...nothing matters to me anymore. I’m 38 years old and I have nothing but a cracked iPad, an old glitching iPhone, a camera lens he forgot to sell (the cheap one), and a car with engine problems. And to top it all off, I have ZERO appetite. Eating gags me. So I’m taking on the mentality of Fight Club “it’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything”. So that’s what I’m doing...throwing away all of it. I am Jack’s broken heart.

Amandachanges

Period be darned, every morning the scale goes down...down...down. So much for period weight gain.

JeromeBarry1

Stay away from WebMD. Just stay away from it.

100_PROOF_

I would call the police if my child did that to me but that's just my opinion. I wouldn't tolerate that in my home. He might need to be taught a lesson now while he's young. I know one thing for sure, he wouldn't continue to live in my home if he stole from me. Trust is earned not given. If he broke that trust, he'd have to rebuild it before coming back into my house.
Do you have any protein powder? Sometimes it's easier for me to drink shakes if my appetite is low and I don't feel like eating a lot. I also eat scoops of peanut butter when my appetite is low. This way I can keep my calories up. The last thing I want to do is lose muscle so it's very important to me not to undereat .

tulips_and_tea

OP. you have a LOT going on and smaller children to care for, if I remember correctly.

Have you taken precautions now so that your older son cannot access your home? If not, I'd do so ASAP. That's just terrible and I'm sorry that happened.

Are there any local community centers you can reach out to for some sort of support? You definitely do need other adults in your life that you can get support from.

psychod787

EAT! I understand your angst I believe. When I get stress, my hunger foes as well.

100_PROOF_

Could you ask your kids father financial help? I remember you said in your last thread that he takes care of the kids financially because you had to leave school to care for them. Maybe you should tell him about the stolen camera equipment and tell him that you need some financial help right now. I know I would call him.

Amandachanges

My children’s “father” that supports us financially isn’t my oldest son’s father. My oldest son was conceived through a non-consensual act...so there is no support there. The one who does support us financially has absolutely nothing to do with the kids. He’s remarried and has his new family now (thank God). My children and I had a pizza party when he finally left...the kids were so relieved! I kicked him out whilst pregnant with #4. He was a liar, and a cheater. I could go on and on, but won’t. As far as my oldest is concerned, I wanted so badly to call the police, but he’s on probation and that would be a violation...he’d go to jail. I don’t personally have a problem with that, but there are grandparents involved...and they do. It’s complicated. I wish he didn’t live here anymore.

TavistockToad

Amandachanges wrote: »

My children’s “father” that supports us financially isn’t my oldest son’s father. My oldest son was conceived through a non-consensual act...so there is no support there. The one who does support us financially has absolutely nothing to do with the kids. He’s remarried and has his new family now (thank God). My children and I had a pizza party when he finally left...the kids were so relieved! I kicked him out whilst pregnant with #4. He was a liar, and a cheater. I could go on and on, but won’t. As far as my oldest is concerned, I wanted so badly to call the police, but he’s on probation and that would be a violation...he’d go to jail. I don’t personally have a problem with that, but there are grandparents involved...and they do. It’s complicated. I wish he didn’t live here anymore.

tell the grandparents to look after him, or jail is the only other option.

nutmegoreo

TavistockToad wrote: »

Amandachanges wrote: »

My children’s “father” that supports us financially isn’t my oldest son’s father. My oldest son was conceived through a non-consensual act...so there is no support there. The one who does support us financially has absolutely nothing to do with the kids. He’s remarried and has his new family now (thank God). My children and I had a pizza party when he finally left...the kids were so relieved! I kicked him out whilst pregnant with #4. He was a liar, and a cheater. I could go on and on, but won’t. As far as my oldest is concerned, I wanted so badly to call the police, but he’s on probation and that would be a violation...he’d go to jail. I don’t personally have a problem with that, but there are grandparents involved...and they do. It’s complicated. I wish he didn’t live here anymore.

tell the grandparents to look after him, or jail is the only other option.

He could move in with the grandparents. They might feel differently when It's their stuff going missing. Or maybe they'll turn him around.

katytrail1

Amandachanges I empathize so much with trying to deal with so much. I'll support whenever you need. I'm also on fb.

VUA21

If you absolutely have no appetite, and know you should be eating more.... Weight gainer shakes! Extremely high calories. This is just a temporary fix, I do think you should seek a professional for help though.

missysippy930

You need professional help. The sooner the better.

happytree923

I know that depending on what your health coverage situation is like this might be a difficult expense to take on, but have you considered counseling? I know some people don’t understand how counseling could benefit them when their problems are very very real (like yours are!) but it really can help you feel like you’re not drowning and start making a plan to get things on track the way you want them to be. If childcare is a problem some insurances will cover teletherapy you could do from your house.

JeromeBarry1

Your oldest belongs in jail. Do the right thing now while you still have life.

Amandachanges

missysippy930 wrote: »

You need professional help. The sooner the better.

Not sure what you mean by this.

happytree923 wrote: »

I know that depending on what your health coverage situation is like this might be a difficult expense to take on, but have you considered counseling? I know some people don’t understand how counseling could benefit them when their problems are very very real (like yours are!) but it really can help you feel like you’re not drowning and start making a plan to get things on track the way you want them to be. If childcare is a problem some insurances will cover teletherapy you could do from your house.

I already see a therapist weekly. I need to change to a different one though. This one merely parrots back a reworded version of what I say to her, as if that method will help me come up with my own solutions. It doesn’t.

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

Your oldest belongs in jail. Do the right thing now while you still have life.

It’s not all black and white. Our home is in my name and my mother’s, whilst the mortgage is entirely in my mother’s name. I had to file bankruptcy back in December, and our only income is child support. I quite literally cannot afford to tick my mother off...and she has absolutely threatened fire and brimstone if I go to the police. My oldest is her favorite, even though he has a track record of stealing from family members, amongst other things. My other 3 she sees as mistakes, since she never liked their father. My life is like a soap opera 🤦🏻‍♀️

TavistockToad

Amandachanges wrote: »

It’s not all black and white. Our home is in my name and my mother’s, whilst the mortgage is entirely in my mother’s name. I had to file bankruptcy back in December, and our only income is child support. I quite literally cannot afford to tick my mother off...and she has absolutely threatened fire and brimstone if I go to the police. My oldest is her favorite, even though he has a track record of stealing from family members, amongst other things. My other 3 she sees as mistakes, since she never liked their father. My life is like a soap opera 🤦🏻‍♀️

people treat us the way we let them.

if she likes him that much, tell her to keep him.

tulips_and_tea

As an adult, being under complete control of someone else and not having financial independence is enough to drive anyone crazy. That, in addition to everything else, is FAR too stressful.

What can you do to start changing this situation? What can you do to start bringing in your own income? Depending on child support and someone else paying your mortgage is not a good long-term plan. Even with weight loss and improved health this type of situation will eventually take its toll.

thisPGHlife

I know you may not want to hear this, but @TavistockToad may be right. We don't live your life so we can't know what's best for you. That being said, based on what you've told us, the energy in your house is not good for yourself, your health, or your other kids. You aren't doing anyone any favors by not going to the police. If he continues to steal from you and family, it's you and your other kids that pay the price and it lets your son think that it's ok.

If your name is on the deed for the house it is still partially yours regardless of who is paying the mortgage. If your mother is threatening you, document it. Get the cops involved if you have to. This next part is important: THIS IS FOR THE SAFETY OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. There are social programs in place to help you with finances and housing if it comes to that especially since you are a mother to special needs children. Your other children know how they're grandmother feels about them whether she has said it out loud to them or not. By prioritizing your oldest and your mother's wishes, you are telling your other children through your actions that you either can't or won't prioritize their safety and well being.

Your health is important, but as @BZAH10 said, you need to start finding a way out of this situation. Part of caring for your health is caring for your mental health.

Amandachanges

BZAH10 wrote: »

As an adult, being under complete control of someone else and not having financial independence is enough to drive anyone crazy. That, in addition to everything else, is FAR too stressful.

What can you do to start changing this situation? What can you do to start bringing in your own income? Depending on child support and someone else paying your mortgage is not a good long-term plan. Even with weight loss and improved health this type of situation will eventually take its toll.

I homeschool and am planning on going for an MBA soon. I’m stuck relying on child support because my youngest son is autistic, and cannot tolerate a school setting. Nothing short of necessity would have torn me out of law school after a year of hard work. I really do wish I could come up with a means to make money on my own, rather than relying on child support to pay the mortgage. I’ve considered working part-time midnights at a gas station or pharmacy, but I just question how good of a homeschooler I’d be on only a few hours of sleep. Maybe the independence would make it worthwhile, maybe not. Either way, I need to get all of my medical testing out of the way before I start adding sleep deprivation to the mix. Thanks for caring!

Amandachanges

skram01 wrote: »

I know you may not want to hear this, but @TavistockToad may be right. We don't live your life so we can't know what's best for you. That being said, based on what you've told us, the energy in your house is not good for yourself, your health, or your other kids. You aren't doing anyone any favors by not going to the police. If he continues to steal from you and family, it's you and your other kids that pay the price and it lets your son think that it's ok.

If your name is on the deed for the house it is still partially yours regardless of who is paying the mortgage. If your mother is threatening you, document it. Get the cops involved if you have to. This next part is important: THIS IS FOR THE SAFETY OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. There are social programs in place to help you with finances and housing if it comes to that especially since you are a mother to special needs children. Your other children know how they're grandmother feels about them whether she has said it out loud to them or not. By prioritizing your oldest and your mother's wishes, you are telling your other children through your actions that you either can't or won't prioritize their safety and well being.

Your health is important, but as @BZAH10 said, you need to start finding a way out of this situation. Part of caring for your health is caring for your mental health.

Sometimes I dream about just throwing my youngest three in the backseat of my Durango and heading off to Tennessee. Away from our home...away from my oldest...away from my mother. Just leave it all behind and start fresh, somewhere new.

ChristianMomWifeFriend

You can add me . Send me a personal message too if you'd like. I go through the same stuff , we all kind of do cause we are human.