Dating while still losing weight

happytree923 Posts: 463 Member
edited August 2018 in Motivation and Support
What are your experiences dating while still in the process of losing weight? I broke up with my partner of three years at the beginning of this year, I'm just now starting to think about dating again but I'm kind of nervous to try to meet people while still at a much higher weight than I'd like to be. Realistically I know I probably won't be at my goal weight until next year and I can't stop living in the meantime, but the fear of being rejected over weight when I'm getting close to my ideal weight is creating a real block. Experiences/advice?


  • MsHarryWinston
    MsHarryWinston Posts: 1,027 Member
    lorrpb wrote: »
    Do you even want to be with someone who would accept the thin you but reject the overweight you based solely on weight? Go ahead and get out there now!

    Ditto this!
  • tirowow12385
    tirowow12385 Posts: 698 Member
    edited August 2018
    it doesn't matter, your weight doesn't define who you are, whoever accepts you as you are and does not mind the lower weight you in the future is probably a keeper lol. And anyone on a quest for health improvement or maintaining it is definitely worth getting to know, embrace who you are now. Good luck.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    but the fear of being rejected over weight when I'm getting close to my ideal weight is creating a real block. Experiences/advice?

    That's the real issue that you need to address, no?

    I think the fear of something is ordinarily greater than the actual experience of it. Being rejected isn't great but it's also a learning opportunity which can make you a stronger more resilient person, you won't die (well, maybe only on the inside) and it can also be unexpectedly hilarious.

    Put yourself out there. Good things may come.

  • AnnMarieThomas91
    AnnMarieThomas91 Posts: 119 Member
    I think no matter the size of a person once your confidence is knocked the fear of rejection is a huge thing, and putting what we weigh aside you want to be with some one that loves you for you, gets you as a person, and most importantly values you.

    An important thing to remember is your self worth and dont let a number on the scale define that!!! go out there and get them, be confident and always be you !!!
  • happytree923
    happytree923 Posts: 463 Member
    Thanks everyone!! Rationally I know people who wouldn’t date me over weight probably won’t be great partners but I feel like the early stages of dating are just inherently so shallow, lol.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    I can understand your fear. The early stages of dating ARE shallow. It's almost entirely based on whether you're physically attracted to that person or not. I think you should go ahead and go for it. You wouldn't want to be with someone who would reject you as you are now, but date you at a lower weight.
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    Yep, just go for it. Sure, the early stages of dating are shallow, but here’s the thing: it’s better to find out a potential partner is shallow regarding weight and body composition now than a few years down the road. Assuming your idea of dating is geared towards finding a new long-term partner, the chances of your body changing again are there (pregnancies, illness, aging etc). Wouldn’t you want to have a partner who is attracted to all versions of you?

    Besides, Marilyn said it best (hopefully the link works):
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,262 Member
    You are losing weight but you're not doing it in a vacuum. Life is still going on, same as it will even after you hit your weight goal. I think it's best to just go with the flow. You might meet someone who turns you down because of your weight. Or you might meet someone you turn down because you hate his hair or job or the way he repeats lines when you watch TV together. Who knows! Plus, it's very common for weight to fluctuate throughout life. We can't put everything else on hold while working on that. So just keep living and see how it goes.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    No guarantees in life.
    Rejection can come from a lot of other aspects than weight.
    It's been a very long time since I have dated (43 years married at the end of September) so take my advice for what it is worth, but do not limit yourself by waiting to lose more weight. There are a lot of people out there that are not shallow, you may be missing a great person.
    Best of luck to you, because you are worth it!
  • sarahlucindac
    sarahlucindac Posts: 235 Member
    I had the same dilemma a few years ago. I came to the conclusion that many have already pointed out— time will pass anyway and the right person isn’t going to care if you’re heavy.
    I met a great guy while I was still much heavier than I am now and even gained an additional 20 pounds about a year into our relationship.
    I am almost 40 lbs lighter and he loves me just as much now as he did then.
    If I had held myself back from dating just because of my extra weight, I never would have met him.
    Just go for it, life is too short!!
  • thisPGHlife
    thisPGHlife Posts: 440 Member
    If you wait until things are perfect to start living, you'll never start living. Plus, if you start dating before you've gotten to goal you have the benefit of knowing that you just get better from here. You've got the personality and your just going to get hope!!

    Really though, if you get rejected for real reasons like personality clashes or lifestyles that don't sync, those things suck no matter what weight you are. If they reject you because of your weight they either did it without getting to know you in which case why would you want to be with someone so superficial, or they did get to know you, saw how you are working to improve yourself and didn't care or felt threatened by it. Either way, it's not something you want in a partner. If you don't end up meeting the right person until you're at goal anyway, you will have had plenty of practice kissing frogs that you'll know what you do and don't want and be ready for the right one.

    I know it is hard putting yourself out there and maybe taking some time to remember how to love yourself is a good idea. But you deserve to be happy and you shouldn't have to wait for other people to be comfortable to start finding your happiness.
  • shunggie
    shunggie Posts: 1,036 Member
    edited August 2018
    I have dated while dieting. It can be challenging because a lot of dates involve eating out. The men I dated had lots of opinions on what I should or shouldn't do, rather I should even lose weight etc. It was frustrating but I will say I started dating my current boyfriend while dieting and he got it. He has been with me while my weight fluctuated 70 pounds over the years. He prefers me a little heavy but understands it's a health issue and supports me completely. Be patient with them, they know not what they do :)
  • LumberJacck
    LumberJacck Posts: 559 Member
    I was put off dating while dieting after having two girlfriends who didn't like me losing weight when I weighed less than them. Fortunately my current girlfriend is short and not overweight so it doesn't bother her, it's pretty much impossible for me to weigh less than her.
  • Erinloveable
    Erinloveable Posts: 46 Member
    Guys tell me I don't need to lose weight too, it can be very discouraging how they go about it. It discourages me from dating them, not from dieting lol, and I will tell you why. I was 204 and I got the feeling they told me that they like me for how I am now because they wanted a biscuit and a pat on the head, but they never considered my health or how I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT or how unattractive I felt or how it's not about them. And a lot of guys will not celebrate my weekly weigh in with me and instead tell me that I don't have to be dieting. Like all my hard work is a fool's errand.