Weight loss self esteem and dating?

SummerTwentyOne
SummerTwentyOne Posts: 521 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi guys,

Kind of a dumb post to make but I feel like you guys might have some helpful words of wisdom.

So growing up I was always the “big girl” and I still consider myself to be one. My heaviest was a couple of years ago almost hitting 280lbs and I was always considered undesirable to guys which is understandable, I don’t blame them at all. But I never dated due to my low self esteem and I felt like I needed to work on myself a little bit more mentally and physically.

Now I’m 20lbs from losing 100lbs and I’ve noticed I’m getting a tiny bit more attention than I used to. I’m seeing all of my friends settle down or get into relationships and I’m like “oh, ok that sounds like something I would like to find someone hella rad too” but I’m still terrified of putting myself out there as I feel like I’m not at my GW or that I’m not as pretty as my other friends and that I should wait. Im scared that I’ll never “be ready” in a sense anytime soon.

Replies

  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
    It's all in your head.
    You're ready when you decide you are ready. Let the confidence do the talking. Own the fact that you have dropped an amazing 80 lbs! Don't sell your progress short because you aren't at your goal yet.
    We will always be a work in progress at basically every stage. Probably the most fit people out there have something they still want to work on.
    Work on how you see your amazing self. <3<3
  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    Dating sucks, no matter what you look like.

    BAHAHA this is very true..... I prefer not to cuz I don't want to deal with it.



    But being "ready" is a mental thing.... IMO, anyway...
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited August 2018
    In my experience... if your idea of being ready is tied to an ideal look or a number on the scale, you'll never be ready. At some point, you have to let good enough be good enough. Easier said than done, though.
  • SummerTwentyOne
    SummerTwentyOne Posts: 521 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    In my experience... if your idea of being ready is tied to an ideal look or a number on the scale, you'll never be ready. At some point, you have to let good enough be good enough. Easier said than done, though.

    See I know even posting this 50% of me was like “you’re clearly not comfortable and ready” but I’m worried I’ll never be
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  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited August 2018
    SummerTwentyOne wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    In my experience... if your idea of being ready is tied to an ideal look or a number on the scale, you'll never be ready. At some point, you have to let good enough be good enough. Easier said than done, though.

    See I know even posting this 50% of me was like “you’re clearly not comfortable and ready” but I’m worried I’ll never be

    For me, the goal was to get most of the way there, then find people who complemented the stuff I felt good about rather than the stuff I wasn't (even if they were good-intentioned).
  • SouthernMamaUnderConsruction
    SouthernMamaUnderConsruction Posts: 2,724 Member
    I'm kinda there with you. Just a bit opposite. I was small growing up. After I had my child I gained more and more weight. That was 8 years ago. I got down to a size four in 2016 but after 2 injuries I'm up to an 8. My biggest size was about a 16/18. I have felt particularly unattractive and haven't dated in a very long time. I understand were you are coming from.
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    i figure when you get to your goal weight its going to feel like it happened pretty quickly for you honestly. you might even look back and find it hard to believe that you were once worried about even reaching your goal to begin with.

    so while you could "wait" until you're at your own personal goal before really trying to date, i'd just like to say "why".

    i mean we all have a limited shelf life here on earth in the end. and for all you know the perfect guy for you is out there right now, just waiting for you to walk into his life. be a shame to miss out on the possibility of something like that because of insecurity. you've already lost near 100 pounds on your own. that's pretty awesome. just keep on being awesome and the rest will follow.
  • amwbox
    amwbox Posts: 576 Member
    You don't have to hold out to make yourself appealing to people who wouldn't otherwise date you. You're supposed to be filtering those people out, not catering to them. Lose the weight for you. If you are trying to fit a mold for others, there will always be something someone isn't into.
  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,545 Member
    I could write a novel here but I'll keep it simple and say... Don't force it. Focus on yourself and feeling the best you can in your own skin, for you and you alone. Happiness won't be found in someone else if you can't find it in yourself. Once you stop focusing on your friends and what everyone else thinks, including potential dates... it will all fall into place as it should. Promise <3

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