Discrimination--Weight/Age/Hotness/NotSoHotness ???

Scubanana7

Have YOU been treated differently because of your weight, or not-20something age, or being totally HOT, or maybe being
Not-s0-HOT???

Please respond with your observations on yourself, your friends or family, or maybe a stranger or co-worker.

I am asking this because....On another thread about Work Place Attire and compliance I wrote the following:

" I despise this simple fact.> There is age discrimination, weight discrimination, and ugly discrimination. and those particular discriminations also apply to men, but to women even more. If the 'other offenders' are younger, prettier, or skinnier, it is a plain and simple fact that they will get by with things an older, not so perfectly skinny, not so 'hot' woman will not. Fact of life. "

I was responded to with the following:

" TOTALLY and inequivocally untrue. I guess if you've never been young and hot you might not know so let me explain. Once when I was young and hot I was spoken by a manager who said even though it looks SO awesome how you wear your uniform with no pantyhose, and they are silly to be worn with something so revealing and with tennis shoes and socks, they ARE the dress code and you MUST wear them or be written up. Another time I was told at a totally different kind of job, even though those shoes are incredibly wonderful to look at and your pedicure with the different color toes is extremely fun to watch those shoes are outside our dress code as being "open toe" and so you must comply with dress code by tomorrow or be in violation and I will have to write you up.

Both male bosses. Both clearly impressed with my looks/attractiveness. Both to the point and by the book. Young and hot has nothing to do with it. If you're ugly, that's your problem."


I was pretty shocked at her 'attack'??? and replied with:

"Excuse ME -- THAT was rather RUde AND UNnecessary.......And 'ugly' can be deeper than skin deep. and your response was Not HOT. Have a cup of coffee and chill out. The rudeness was UNnecessary "

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So folks, tell me your story. Was I crazy, wrong, and off-base about the discrimination issue? And please, let's try to be kind to each other. There is enough meanness in this world. Thanks.

Carnivor0us

The person responding to you has clearly never had employers that discriminate.

Lucky them. Maybe when they grow up, they'll experience what it's like.

mamamudbug

I was refered to as "that big gal" by someone giving directions in the neighborhood this morning. Appearance based bias happens all the time. For some reason people think that if it's never happened to them then it doesn't exist.

I_Will_End_You

Oh it definitely happens. My boyfriend was just talking about this the other day....they hire hot, thin bartenders at their restaurant, because attractive, smaller women sell more beer. It's not right, but it's the way it is.

bwogilvie

Translation: "My bosses didn't let me wear anything I want, even though I'm hot, so they were discriminating against me." Apparently she can't tell the difference between *discrimination* and *enforcing the dress code*. Sheesh.

Scubanana7

In some professions, like bartenders, Hooters waitresses, etc., most people realize looks are important--it's what sells the job. I think most overweight people would not apply for that position. Of course, everyone is not right for every job. At my heavy weight, I wouldn't have applied for Abercrombie...but maybe at Lane Bryant.

I guess I'm just trying to say Thanks for the comment, but I was also getting at jobs that don't need just a certain 'look' to sell the business.

nomeejerome

umm...this thread might get locked.

KarlyK929

This happens the other way too. People are shocked when I tell them I'm a tax accountant because of the way I look. They assume that I'm a dumb blond bimbo. I've actually had to show people my business cards to get them to believe me.

*le sigh

nyrina4life

I understand what you are saying, and have been discriminated against because of my weight. I did not get several positions due to my size, and found out that after they had hired the gorgeous lady or man after me they were looking for a replacement shortly after. It is sad that looks are so much more important then people who know what they're doing and actually work.

I have been judged as stupid, and slow and yet I could run circles around my 'hot' and 'skinny' counterparts in some jobs. Oh well. [shrug]

Dropping weight now so I won't be judged as horribly...not just by employers but co-workers too.

Ed98043

Being now 47 and overweight only for about the past 10 years of my life, I can absolutely confirm that the world treats women differently based on level of attractiveness. Any younger person who doesn't think so will find out for themselves soon enough. When I worked in the corporate world from age 18 to 33 I can look back now and see that I was treated as "special" by my male bosses, but at the time I didn't know it because I had no frame of reference to compare.

I have to admit though, I'm curious to see if getting slim again will reverse my increasing invisibility or the general apathy with which I'm treated. People were just so much more friendly and helpful when I was younger and thinner. For instance about 3 years ago my car got a flat tire on a public street with plenty of traffic...I changed it myself (took about an 45 minutes) and not one person stopped to offer help. Somehow I don't think that would have happened had I been young and cute.

VeganLexi

Being now 47

:noway: You look fabulous!

PepperWorm

umm...this thread might get locked.

This.

Being butthurt over what someone said over the internet post #23123543568568789...

Reneeisfat

Translation: "My bosses didn't let me wear anything I want, even though I'm hot, so they were discriminating against me." Apparently she can't tell the difference between *discrimination* and *enforcing the dress code*. Sheesh.

Hahahaha! This^^^^
my thoughts exactly!

jedgarner11

all of the above at one time or another

mmouse90

There was an article done on how people who are overweight tend to get passed over for jobs for someone who is persevered as being smaller and better looking. Can't recall the articles name though and it did include a study that was done on this. I have had people assume that I got my job, etc "because of being a small attractive female" (this was told directly to me several times in the past) when in reality I have worked for what I have. I have also seen where some people have been discriminated because they were not the ideal image of what a person should be.

Brige2269

Yep, seen it many, many times. Men will hold the door for better looking women, smile and say hi in the halls, and help without asking. I say hi to everyone in the halls, especially the ones who look straight ahead or at the wall avoiding eye contact. I give them a loud, HI! How are you?? They usually look at me in surprise, smile and say hi. Love it!

Brige2269

There was an article done on how people who are overweight tend to get passed over for jobs for someone who is persevered as being smaller and better looking. Can't recall the articles name though and it did include a study that was done on this. I have had people assume that I got my job, etc "because of being a small attractive female" (this was told directly to me several times in the past) when in reality I have worked for what I have. I have also seen where some people have been discriminated because they were not the ideal image of what a person should be.

A woman did a report on this on some news segment years back. She did various things like carry groceries, break a heel and what not. Guys of all ages were falling all over themselves to help her. She did the exact same things again, wearing the same thing, same hair, make-up, etc. Only wearing a fat suit. NO one offered to help her. She even asked in the same way, same tone of voice. That was an interesting segment.

ldrosophila

LOL BWHahahahahahahahaha! :laugh:

Violating work place dress code is NOT discrimination.

And saying you've never been young...pfffft!

Brush it off dont take it personal

ItsCasey

I think people should stop wishing for the world to be different than it is.

I get treated differently in work situations because I'm young and female, and it's usually not in a good way. You have no idea how many times I've been told "Whoa, you don't look like any accountant I've ever met" or how many times I've walked into an important meeting and been asked if I was lost. People think I'm stupid because I'm not old and fat and I don't look like Shrek. How's that for discrimination?

Has someone violated the law or company policy in their treatment of you? If so, report it through HR or your chain of command. Otherwise, it is what it is.

TheRealParisLove

I was fired from a job when I was 19 because the owner's wife thought I was too pretty to work alone with her husband.

I was sexually harassed by male co-workers on multiple occasions (and various different jobs) in my early 20's.

I was passed over on assignments and promotions because I was considered "window dressing" and not an actual part of the team or worthy of more responsibility.

Eventually I just said **** it, and got a job as a bartender when I was 27. It was a good way to monetize my looks.

TheRealParisLove

I think people should stop wishing for the world to be different than it is.

I get treated differently in work situations because I'm young and female, and it's usually not in a good way. You have no idea how many times I've been told "Whoa, you don't look like any accountant I've ever met" or how many times I've walked into an important meeting and been asked if I was lost. People think I'm stupid because I'm not old and fat and I don't look like Shrek. How's that for discrimination?

Has someone violated the law or company policy in their treatment of you? If so, report it through HR or your chain of command. Otherwise, it is what it is.

This is a terrible attitude. What if everyone had that feeling about Hitler, about slavery in the US, about legal rape (yes, even in my lifetime rape was legal in a handful of US states under certain circumstances)?

Discrimination is a waste of human capital. People who would otherwise be able to contribute to society are marginalized, and this helps absolutely no one except those who are unwilling to work harder at getting beyond the status quo.

If someone is discriminated against for whatever reason, but that person really does have an idea as to how to cure cancer or produce renewable energy or make clean water in the desert, he/she will never get the chance to test his/her idea due to race/size/gender/sexual preference etc. Why would you be ok with the lack of advancement for the betterment of the human race?

Carnivor0us

I think people should stop wishing for the world to be different than it is.

I get treated differently in work situations because I'm young and female, and it's usually not in a good way. You have no idea how many times I've been told "Whoa, you don't look like any accountant I've ever met" or how many times I've walked into an important meeting and been asked if I was lost. People think I'm stupid because I'm not old and fat and I don't look like Shrek. How's that for discrimination?

Has someone violated the law or company policy in their treatment of you? If so, report it through HR or your chain of command. Otherwise, it is what it is.

Thankfully there are enough people wishing for the world to be different so it could possibly one day be a better place for you AND that old fat woman that didn't get hired because she's too old; you know, that woman you called "Shrek".

winelover18

I can sympathize with some of the stories on here.

I've had former employers, bosses of mine whom I greatly respect, tell me long after I'd been hired that they originally thought I'd be somewhat of an "airhead" because I have an extremely "high pitched, cute" little girl voice and look like I'm 17. I'm 23 years old, for the record. Oh, also people have doubted my knowledge and opinions because of my physical appearance, too. They assume because I'm young and have this "girl next door" thing going on that I'm not authoritative, etc.

Drives me absolutely nuts. Right now, I'm having a difficult time with my outside sales position. I sell wine wholesale to restaurants/bars, etc. People assume that just because I'm barely over the legal age to drink, that I know NOTHING about wine. Sorry, sir, I actually have a wine education certificate... the same one YOU do. So, let's cut the crap and talk about this Cabernet Sauvignon like adults, okay?

It's hard to overcome, but if you kill people with kindness, and believe in yourself, they'll realize they're idiots for forming a preconceived notion about you in the first place. Luckily, nothing I've experienced is illegal or completely awful, so it's a fairly easy thing to overcome for me. A huge annoyance, though.

BurningAway

When i was in school yes i had looks discrimination i was not thin, pretty, or popular so the teachers were often *kitten* to me LOL that and my mom was labeled the town *kitten* but aside from that i have never had look discrimination in getting a job or keeping a job. One thing i can NOT stand is "friend" discrimination, oh you deserve this promotion because we have been friends for so long! Or age discrimination "oh no you cant be a manager your only 19 who cares if your over qualified and had out standing job performancr your younger then me so im hiring outside the company."

I used to get that all the damn time, friend, family, age, ect looks noo not so much i wouldnt compromise my job trying to get around the dress code though so i suppose i never gave the opportunity for that kind of discrimination.

luckyshilling

When i was in school yes i had looks discrimination i was not thin, pretty, or popular so the teachers were often *kitten* to me LOL that and my mom was labeled the town *kitten* but aside from that i have never had look discrimination in getting a job or keeping a job. One thing i can NOT stand is "friend" discrimination, oh you deserve this promotion because we have been friends for so long! Or age discrimination "oh no you cant be a manager your only 19 who cares if your over qualified and had out standing job performancr your younger then me so im hiring outside the company."

I used to get that all the damn time, friend, family, age, ect looks noo not so much i wouldnt compromise my job trying to get around the dress code though so i suppose i never gave the opportunity for that kind of discrimination.

One of my bosses got burned bad by friend discrimination. She became really close with an underling of hers, the girl with the least seniority in the entire office, hanging out after work at bars and such. New girl was 22 and boss was 42. Well, when a coveted position opened up she gave it to her new buddy, thoughly pissing off all the more qualified employees that had been there longer. The position the girl had gotten was HR manager, our company spent a whole year sending her to HR courses and teaching her the job and as soon as she was certified in everthing she walked out (not even 2 weeks notice) to work for a company that had headhunted her during her training (told her when she was done training give them a call, which she did). My boss got chewed out by her boss so so bad "How dare you let your mid-life crisis affect your judgement at work" and such.

It was epic

jwdieter

Security guards don't follow me around while I'm shopping because nobody thinks I'm trying to steal stuff.

CWonder003

Yes, there is such a thing as being treated better because you look friendly, pretty, and confident. However, in places I have worked the coworkers and managers did not treat the "ugly" or "less desirable" people any worse, by ignoring, dismissing, talking down, or treating as a lower position. I have found the discrimination goes both ways, and often prettier people have to be EXTRA nice/outgoing/helpful to others before they are trusted or liked. As a fairly reserved person, people often assume I am stuck up for no good reason.

Also, looking "young and pretty" is not really a good thing in most careers. You are treated like a naive, airhead, or spoiled kid at first glance, in many cases.

I look very young for my age, and am very short, and average-to-pretty (depending on how much effort I put into my outfit/makeup/hair), and have been thin-t0-average weight all my life. I have been the object of other FEMALE (almost never male) coworkers gossip, scorn, and patronization in nearly every job I have had since college. I have found that both men and women will treat me as a child or dumb unless I work VERY hard to show them I'm a responsible adult and expect to be treated as such.

I am consistently treated as a teenager, when I am getting darn close to 30! At my last job, I was accused of being an incompetent, young, spoiled "girl" (not woman) just because I had a college degree and was willing to stand up for my rights as an employee with our manipulative, questionable manager. The older women thought I would be a young, easily-controlled coworker, and they refused to treat me as an equal even once they found out how old I really was (mid-20's). Mind you, most of them had not been with the company much longer than I had (2-4 months tops). They said me as "spoiled" and a "princess" because I made it clear to them and the manager that I would not be taken advantage of, and for example, work off the clock at an hourly job. Clients sometimes questioned my ability to do my job because I looked so young. At my current job, people constantly ask me how old I am, and loudly proclaim astonishment when they hear the answer (if I decide to tell).

In general, I think that the real discrimination is against introverted, reserved, or shy people (three separate types of people, btw), and the bias is toward super-outgoing, ambitious, friendly people who dare to ask or demand what they want. And, attractive people have probably experienced a lot more positive interaction with people/society from birth, so they have less reservations asking/demanding things from others.

slim4health56

Uh, ever eaten at Hooters? Too job specific? It's ALL job specific. Most recruiters, supervisors, and CEOs evaluate applicants and/or employees on how they look, not just how they perform. Looks don't always "win," but they certainly impact how people initially perceive us. You don't have to go beyond the virtual walls of MFP to know this...

I'm not saying it's right, only that it's human nature. Yes, OP, you are correct.

pju234

violating a dress code and getting called on it is not discrimination. Age discrimination in the workplace is common, but difficult to prove. I think attractive people tend to push the envelope when it comes to breaking rules. It is learned behavior...a sense of entitlement. They do it because experience has shown that they will get special treatment. I am generalizing

roxweb

Well I'm new to this site, but your comments struck a nerve. Certainly it is not ALL about looks, age or hotness, but there is certainly bias. The fact that the respondents comments to you regarded her dress (which sounded to me like reasonable requests from a manager) indicates that she hasn't been in a situation in which she even understands what you are referring to. The discrimination doesn't have to do with HOW you look specifically (who cares if this 20-something had to wear closed-toe shoes which she probably despised) but has to do with getting the promotion, being given a pass when you show up late from lunch, or being included in conversations that help your career for reasons other than intelligence or usefulness.

But the reality is, that is the reality! WE encourage it. You, me, everyone, by purchasing products that airbrush their models until they look like sticks. By watching commercials that enforce stereotypes (would you like a new toaster for Christmas gals?), and use sex appeal as the end-all be-all selling tool. Sex appeal, youth and "good looks" are shoved down our throats but we willingly allow it each and every day, by allowing big corporations to get our money every time they advertise a product unrelated to looks with sexy models and unrealistic looking "users" of their products.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying "life is all unfair". Of course it isn't ALL unfair, but unfairness IS part of life, no? We are NOT all created equally (if we were I wouldn't be on this site trying to lose 100lbs!).

But, I am trying hard, in my middle age years, to focus on the positive in MY life. I don't care what those barbie's do/get/are/have over me. Why should I? So a skinny cute blond gets the job I wanted? Let me find another. Every day I struggle financially, but I do it because I'd rather be MY own boss, than deal with the stupidity of corporate America.

Essentially life is full of rotten grapes, I just prefer to choose which rotten ones I have to eat.
(sorry, that rant got a little long LOL)

roxweb

jwdieter: Security guards don't follow me around while I'm shopping because nobody thinks I'm trying to steal stuff.

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haha! yes, old age has its perks.