Attitude is everything

bigguyreed

The longer I live the more I realize that attitude is what keeps me motived. I've been dealing with a mate that has cancer. She got lung cancer last year and I try to keep a positive attitude so she don't give up fighting. But I find it hard to spend time on myself at the gym or away from her, although she wants me to keep myself up. I feel bad and have a hard time not being right there with her. When I'm away I feel guilty about leaving her, the Chemo has made her so sick. Any ideas on a positive way to not to feel guilty about doing my workouts without feeling guilty?

shaf238

Would she be happy knowing you feel guilty being away from her? Unlikely. You need to do things that are right for you as well as be there for your friend. Also, does she not have family with her for times when you might not be around?

bigguyreed

She would get mad if she knew I felt guilty, but I do. No, she is the only child, her mother is the only one left. Most of all her aunts and uncles have die from cancer.

88olds

Care givers have to spend some time taking care of themselves. It’s a fact.

Try an experiment. Set up a workout schedule and test it for 2 weeks. Can you fit in some at home work? There’s lots of stuff on YouTube. Very little or no equipment needed. But get in some gym sessions as well to test them out.

Exercise has lots of positive effects on brain chemistry. Look at the title of your post.

cmriverside

It's hard when someone we love is suffering. Probably the hardest thing there is.

It's okay to feel guilt for not being there 24/7. I felt every emotion there was when my loved ones were dying, and all of the emotions were appropriate.

A workout will help you be a calmer, stronger, healthier helpmate. :hug:

amgreenwell

You need time for yourself, even if just for mental health. Physical health is important b/c you need to be around to care for your mate and meet her needs. I'd hope she would want you to take care of yourself and make sure you are getting what you need during this time.
Guilt is a strange thing and we feel it when we aren't "there for someone" 24/7...but we HAVE to be there for ourselves too.

shaf238

There's a lot to be said for the energy you radiate. If you're not looking after yourself as well as you need to, your friend will pick up on that. Do what you need to for yourself. And be there when you can.

bigguyreed

Thank you all for the your input. In 46yrs of being married she has never been sick, until the cancer last Oct. She has nursed me from a stroke and being busted up from falling off my roof, now I just want to be there. I work part time, so I'm at work in the mornings. It's hard to separate my feeling about going to the gym after work or just going home with her. Before the cancer I didn't have any problem with going to gym from work.

sedj241

First off... Hat off to you, you're a great inspiration for me. Everyone is not built to be a caregiver and when times get hard they often leave or put it off on someone else. I would say that the time you spend to yourself will help you reset and keep doing the great job you're already doing. If that happen to be the working out then please take and hour and work out. Fact is you're no good to her or anyone if you're not metally and physically sound!

bigguyreed

Thank you that was well put.

mybattle2006

I completely understand. My mom fought for 18 months with brain cancer and lived in another state. I felt guilty every time I went home to try to care for my family for a bit. My mom would have been devastated if she knew I felt guilty. I had to try to take care of myself, as that is what she would have wanted. You should too.