Depressing Insults

jenane
jenane Posts: 25 Member
edited September 21 in Motivation and Support
So I am going about my days dieting and feeling good and now TWICE in a month I have been insulted behind my back for no reason (and once to me over Facebook) by my ex-boyfriend's friends about looking like a dude or being able to benchpress more than them. (Me and my ex are still really good friends and have been broken up 1.5 years, btw).

This makes me so angry because I am overweight but not anymore than some other girls they know. I just happen to be 6'0 tall. I am not sure how to alleviate this other than becoming a stick figure. It makes me really sad and depressed.

Replies

  • jrich1
    jrich1 Posts: 2,408 Member
    I dont think you should have to change anything about yourself because of what people say.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    Can you talk to your ex and ask him to talk to them for you since you both are still friends? If the "boy(s)" are on your friend list, I would delete them. As you get older, you realize that you don't need people in your life that are going to intentionally hurt you. You look beautiful and they are just immature. They are acting like Junior High!!
  • PixieGoddess
    PixieGoddess Posts: 1,833 Member
    Forget them. Especially if they're talking about the fact that you can bench more than them? Honey, that's jealousy and them feeling de-masculinized (or whatever) b/c a girl can kick their butts. :glasses:

    Keep your head high and don't pay any attention to negativity, regardless of gender!
  • StarryEyedGirl
    StarryEyedGirl Posts: 585
    JEALOUS! they see you improving yourself and they don't like it!!
  • Galathea
    Galathea Posts: 420 Member
    Take the sadness and the depressing mood and use it as an energy boost. You know what you do is right and it will help you to become a healthier person. I agree with starry, they are just jealous. Don't let it drag you down. You are doing great.
  • vicidoesstuff
    vicidoesstuff Posts: 214 Member
    Wow, that's harsh.

    I think you're beautiful and would do some pretty illegal things to get your figure!

    Are those guys an active part of your life? If they are, why? What value do they give you? Have you tried a quiet chat with your ex-boyf to at least make him aware of how idiotic and childish they're being?

    And if you can benchpress more than they can, that's only something to work in your favour, right? Anything they can do, you can do better.
  • Rita47
    Rita47 Posts: 4
    Alot of people tell you to just let it go and dont listen to the insults but words do hurt and sometimes last a long time. But over the years I have found that the only reason people insult others is because they themselves have issues. Deep down inside they must be supressing something and think it makes them feel good to belittle others. I have news for those people.............I AM A GREAT PERSON AND YOU CANT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME. Just because I might not be a size 2 dont mean I dont have feelings. You keep doing the best you can do and dont let them people get to you. You are a great person and no one will ever take that from you. Keep on doing the great job you are doing and remember to tell yourself this every day.........I AM MORE THAN WORTH IT. Best of luck.
  • Stepmom1
    Stepmom1 Posts: 155 Member
    Be proud, hon! Take it as a compliment!! If you can do more bench presses than them, kudos to you, girl!! I would love to do more pullups or pushups than any guy any day!! :P I always tried to do more than my husband, but couldn't. We also have a friendly competition going on. It motivates each other.

    But don't worry... be proud of being stronger and more fit!! If anyone says anything about this making you look like a "dude" ask them what century they are living on? Fit women are IN!!

    Keep doing what you are doing!

    Good luck

    Stepmom1
    www.teambeachbody.com/Stepmom1
    Independent Team Beachbody Coach
  • MrsSki
    MrsSki Posts: 196
    I'm sorry. I am really tall too, so sometimes people make me feel like an ogre with the comments they make. If you aren't really friends with these guys, I would remove them from your FB friends list and just ignore them as much as you can. You are beautiful, and nothing these guys say can diminish that.
  • elmct57
    elmct57 Posts: 594 Member
    there are all kinds of sabotage that will crop up during this time. so these guys have tiny minds and other parts. don't let their remarks make you lose focus or let up--you've done great so far! try and avoid negativity if possible--including whoever so helpfully relayed their remarks to you. or confront them, give em what for if that's your style and move on. if everybody else's opinion was so important, none of us would get out of bed in the morning.
    Hang in there, shrug it off and keep going--you're the winner here!
  • Vipecap
    Vipecap Posts: 166 Member
    Well, I think you need to look at the source of said insults. Your ex's friends which presumably are guys, are not the best source of things to worry about. What I mean is, as a guy, my friends and I will make fun of each other over anything and everything. Doesn't matter the topic, we will joke about it. That said, those insults are more directed at belittling him than you. By saying you bench press more than your ex, they are basically calling him weak and a pansy. To be quite honest, you should feel proud and emboldened that they noticed your physique and training. I mean being able to bench more than a guy shouldn't be an insult in my mind at least? The "you look like a guy" comment is pretty silly in general. Nothing about you looks manish and again is just them trying to get under his skin and poke and prod him. I would be willing to wager a good deal of money that the same person saying you "looked like a guy"; would also be the first to jump at a date with you.
  • gailosborne
    gailosborne Posts: 435
    They are idiots and I agree with what everyone else has said about them.:noway:

    I just wanted to say that my personal trainer is 6ft, she is obviously super fit, super strong and super toned but not super skinny - she is slim and healthy looking. She looks nothing like a man at all - she looks gorgeous and so do you.

    Why would any decent man want a woman to be stick thin, unhealthy and weak to be feminine?

    Keep going with your exercise and being healthy, toned, strong, fit and lovely!!!

    Love Gail xx
  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
    They're totally jealous, hon! I was in the weight room today watching a young woman workout. I'm pretty sure she was only in high school. She was about my height, but I was so impressed by her tone & muscles. I would watch them flex and pump as she did her weight training & thought "That's so cool! I want to be like that". So just keep plugging along, ignore the hosers and know that at least one person in the weight room the same time you are probably thinks you're pretty awesome :)
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
    So I am going about my days dieting and feeling good and now TWICE in a month I have been insulted behind my back for no reason (and once to me over Facebook) by my ex-boyfriend's friends about looking like a dude or being able to benchpress more than them. (Me and my ex are still really good friends and have been broken up 1.5 years, btw).

    This makes me so angry because I am overweight but not anymore than some other girls they know. I just happen to be 6'0 tall. I am not sure how to alleviate this other than becoming a stick figure. It makes me really sad and depressed.

    Jenane:
    I looked at your profle pics, just so I could give an honest response to what these folks might be seeing and frankly - you're beautiful, very femm and have an awesome figure. So, I would suggest that these folks are insecure (whether that means jealousy or not is moot) and they are unquestionably trying to undermine your confidence. Don't let them. Unfriend those folks on facebook, do not engage those who are not being supporting in conversation and stay away from the negativity in general.

    This is something you CAN control. You can't control what they say, but you can control how/if you receive the information in some contexts and you can grow your self-esteem by avoiding such blatant insecurities. These are what we call "bullies" - putting others down to make themselves feel better

    Oh, and don't become a stick - you'd lose your curves and you really don't want that. In the long run, you have the power to be far happier than these sad excuses for "friends" ever will be.
  • jenane
    jenane Posts: 25 Member
    The thing is, I can't actually bench more than them and neither one of them have even seen me in a year! It is absurd!
    I did talk to my ex and he stood up for me. He was telling me, "Obviously I don't feel that way." Clearly, because he dated me for a long time, but he likes tall girls. It just makes me angry but I remind myself that I do get hit on and neither one of them ever do haha.
  • msciccone1
    msciccone1 Posts: 288 Member
    Misery loves company. Really delete them from Facebook or just block them altogether. Those people don't deserve to have you as their punching bag. You are beautiful and don't doubt yourself for some idiots that have too much time on their hands and are clearly not happy with themselves :flowerforyou:
  • Learning2LoveMe
    Learning2LoveMe Posts: 1,430 Member
    Sounds to me like they are jealous... and your hurting their "manly ego" because you are stronger than them. :laugh:
  • surlydave
    surlydave Posts: 512 Member
    You look great. They are boys, not men.
  • balfonso
    balfonso Posts: 370 Member
    Tell them to stop being " b i t c h e s". They just feel emasculated that you can do more push ups than them! Just laugh it off and know that you're doing really well! Should be proud! Chin up luv! :wink: :laugh:
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    Consider the source and move on. Are they friends of yours? If not why let it bother you, you are working on you for you right? Not for anyone else! Block them if that helps, there will always be some that will be unkind for any number of reasons, who knows why and why waste energy trying to guess. When you get healthy, it's likely they'll still have something to say.

    This is for you Hon, it's about you now!
    Keep your mind focused and look to the prize of getting fit and learning much along the way. Becoming a 'stick' for someone you don't care for or that only makes fun of you, makes no rational sense at all. Think of it like that.:wink:

    Becca:flowerforyou:
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    Well, I think you need to look at the source of said insults. Your ex's friends which presumably are guys, are not the best source of things to worry about. What I mean is, as a guy, my friends and I will make fun of each other over anything and everything. Doesn't matter the topic, we will joke about it. That said, those insults are more directed at belittling him than you. By saying you bench press more than your ex, they are basically calling him weak and a pansy. To be quite honest, you should feel proud and emboldened that they noticed your physique and training. I mean being able to bench more than a guy shouldn't be an insult in my mind at least? The "you look like a guy" comment is pretty silly in general. Nothing about you looks manish and again is just them trying to get under his skin and poke and prod him. I would be willing to wager a good deal of money that the same person saying you "looked like a guy"; would also be the first to jump at a date with you.
    Always great to hear a guys point of view :drinker: :wink:
  • Kath15
    Kath15 Posts: 165 Member
    Girl, you look fabulous and need to ignore these lame, immature boys. I don't think this is really about you as much as it is about razzing their friend in any way possible. Don't let them feed into any insecurities that you have and make you depressed. A lot of women would kill to look like you -wear it proud!
  • SayRah
    SayRah Posts: 104
    I dont think you should have to change anything about yourself because of what people say.
  • LotusF1ower
    LotusF1ower Posts: 1,259 Member
    So I am going about my days dieting and feeling good and now TWICE in a month I have been insulted behind my back for no reason (and once to me over Facebook) by my ex-boyfriend's friends about looking like a dude or being able to benchpress more than them. (Me and my ex are still really good friends and have been broken up 1.5 years, btw).

    This makes me so angry because I am overweight but not anymore than some other girls they know. I just happen to be 6'0 tall. I am not sure how to alleviate this other than becoming a stick figure. It makes me really sad and depressed.

    They are *kitten*. If you have them on your buddy list, delete and block them. If they ever say anything like that to you again, mention that if you can lift more than them, they should be ashamed of themselves as they must have the strength of a woman and are big-girl's blouses!

    Jealousy has been mentioned in other posts and I totally agree with that, they are like whiny little brats who haven't got any get-up-and-go because it has all got-up-and-gone!

    That's the trouble with blokes that like to think they are alpha-males, they can't handle anything or anyone that is doing better!

    You can't do anything about your height and unless you want to look like a stick-insect, you need to keep a level head on your shoulders and realise that you can't please everybody all of the time, therefore, don't bother trying. Walk tall, walk proud and forget those poor excuses for blokes as they do not even deserve any time or thought on your part xxx
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