Round 2!

LadyFartFace

Hey everyone!

In 2014/2015 I lost 100 lbs with MFP and exercise. I did do it in a largely disordered way and I thought that eating more healthy and working out was a punishment. I for the first time in my life started to binge eat and then I got stuck in a binge and restrict cycle, losing and gaining the same 40 pounds for a long time.

(I have pretty much always been fat but its from over eating, I don't have issues with binge eating outside of that time.)

Anyway, I have regained 90 pounds by basically going back to the way I have always ate. I have been "intuitively eating" these last 8 months and while I have learned SO MUCH (for example, I never knew what feeling full was like because I always ate to the fullness level of pain. I used to think I was always hungry, but a lot of the time I am mentally hungry not physically hungry. I also learned what foods I actually like and what ones I don't.)

I have been steadily gaining weight because I am just not good at actually stopping when I am full, if you want the truth. While I'm being honest a huge reason that I don't like the idea of counting calories, or even weighing less is simply because I can't eat everything I want and in the amounts I want. When I dig deeper though, I don't like feeling sick after I eat, or being tired all the time. I often don't even enjoy the things I eat because I just eat them so quickly. I want to enjoy food. I know from my IE work that I am often happy with an amount, and then I'm full, but I just keep going. All the enjoyment becomes lost since I don't stop when I am happy with the meal.

I know how I feel in my 300 pound body and how I used to feel in my 200 pound body. I know what went wrong last time (not really making a change in habits, viewing everything I was doing as a punishment, going too low on calories, working out too much, hating myself.) and I know what to do (simply be in a calorie deficit, eat things I enjoy but also start trying to shift the old eating habits into sustainable new ones that will serve me for life, workout because it makes me strong and I enjoy it, not to use a fitness tracker and use TDEE rather than "earn" calories, etc.)

I am not using motivation or simply wanting to be skinny. I'm not punishing myself anymore. I just want to be fit and be a good example and enjoy every step along the way.

So thats that! Don't be ashamed if you are like me and you lost a large amount of weight and regained it. It just means what you can reflect and learn and grow.

Heres to round 2!