When you're going it alone
sadiebrawl
Posts: 863 Member
There has to be people out there with spouses or significant others who don't care at all about their physical appearance.
So, knowing that, what motivates you to keep in good shape? I think that is partly what throws me off on my dieting/fitness routine. When it gets hard juggling working, kids, fitness, eating healthy, I let the fact that my husband doesn't care get into my head. I know it's all mental. He's not stopping me from working out, he helps and buys good choices for me in the fridge. He's not sabotaging me in any way.
I've tried to include him, asking him to go running, work out with me in the living room, got him membership to my gym, but I don't think he wants to work out or get in better shape.
I want to not care about what he does/doesn't do, but I can't help it... is that normal? Why does my brain say stuff like "why bother with all this stuff Sadie, your husband doesn't care why should you??"
sigh... i don't know anymore... (sips wine)
So, knowing that, what motivates you to keep in good shape? I think that is partly what throws me off on my dieting/fitness routine. When it gets hard juggling working, kids, fitness, eating healthy, I let the fact that my husband doesn't care get into my head. I know it's all mental. He's not stopping me from working out, he helps and buys good choices for me in the fridge. He's not sabotaging me in any way.
I've tried to include him, asking him to go running, work out with me in the living room, got him membership to my gym, but I don't think he wants to work out or get in better shape.
I want to not care about what he does/doesn't do, but I can't help it... is that normal? Why does my brain say stuff like "why bother with all this stuff Sadie, your husband doesn't care why should you??"
sigh... i don't know anymore... (sips wine)
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Replies
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the problem is you seem to equate someone other than yourself to be responsible for motivation of your goals...0
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i know.. it's crazy.
i know i'm not the type to sit and give up on myself.. he is. so i wonder, why should i care sometimes... part of me would love to just eat whatever i want, gain weight, not care about my appearance, etc. so maybe i'm jealous that he is that way?
I don't know.0 -
sorry thought this was something different entirely…0
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I'm in the same boat. My boyfriend of 6+ years buys all kinds of crap for himself and doesn't seem to want to change, while I'm working hard to lose the weight I've put on in the last several years. I gained over 40 while he's gained about 100. It's hard and very frustrating. I try to gently encourage him to drink water instead of soda and have chicken instead of McDonalds, however I've decided to give up. I canceled the membership I bought for him to my gym because he never used it.
It's my life I'm living, and he's going to have to live his own.
I say we do what we need to do for our health.
That being said, I again reiterate that it's hell watching someone you care about becoming more and more unhealthy. Feel free to add me, and we can spur each other on.
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You are looking for excuses...You should be doing it for you, not for anybody elses approval....0
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I have to disagree, if I were looking for excuses I wouldn't have lost 30lbs already and run 10-12 miles a week.
I'm not going to give up on my own goals. I'm just frustrated that the man I'm spending my life with has none.0 -
He simply has different goals/perception for himself than you have. That's why you're two different people
My husband doesn't work out either, at least not now. He's more of a weights kind of guy (from the past). It's like having different interests. I might be into walking/running, but he's into gaming. No biggie. We're different.
Just keep doing what you're doing.0 -
When I look in the mirror, I see myself.
When I plan my workouts for the week, they're my workouts.
When I want to be healthy to see my daughter grow old, I'm planning for my own health.
My wife looks in the mirror and sees herself. She's in charge of her workouts. She controls what food she eats.
We're together, but also "alone" in that we're each in charge of our own bodies and health.
I'm happy that she chooses to be fit and healthy too. She doesn't work out with me. I don't get up at 5am to walk the dog and hit the rowing machine with her. I often eat 800+ more calories per day than she does, because duh.
Sorry your guy doesn't take care of himself. Hopefully he comes around. Keep on keepin on. Good luck.0 -
maybe a support group would help ultimately staying healthy is for you but i understand why his lack of concern would make you a little less motivated to succeed ive been there i was in relationships where i was told i was just fine and i let myself gain until i was 246lbs i wish someone had said i wasnt fine cuz i wasnt healthy are you in any support groups cuz im in one that helps me stay on track and motivated0
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my fiance will walk with me and go to the gym with me but he eats whatever he wants but he supports me.0
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I hate having to go it alone.0
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I have to disagree, if I were looking for excuses I wouldn't have lost 30lbs already and run 10-12 miles a week.
I'm not going to give up on my own goals. I'm just frustrated that the man I'm spending my life with has none.
Either get marriage counseling or divorce. It's really that simple0 -
the problem is you seem to equate someone other than yourself to be responsible for motivation of your goals...
^This right here....
/endthread0 -
I want to not care about what he does/doesn't do, but I can't help it... is that normal? Why does my brain say stuff like "why bother with all this stuff Sadie, your husband doesn't care why should you??"
sigh... i don't know anymore... (sips wine)
I have no family whatsover and live by myself. That has it's pros and cons, but as far as weight loss, general health & fitness are concerned I kind of like it. Everyone I know tends to blame their family, spouses and circumstances for why they cannot do certain things. I don't have that excuse. I either do something, or I don't and no matter what I need to take responsibility for it. Maybe you need to train yourself to think that what you do is for your body, your life and your life's circumstances. While yes, it would be great for you if your husband would actively support you, you still have to do whatever it is and you might as well do it alone instead of not at all. It's your life after all.
Good luck !0 -
My husband isn't at all interested in fitness and found me perfectly attractive before I lost weight. I did/do this for me. Originally so I wouldn't be embarrassed by getting out of breath walking with coworkers and feel self conscious about my appearance and to hopefully be able to walk when I'm old. Now I do it because I love it too :happy:
I wish my husband shared my passion but he ha s interests I don't share (world of Warcraft, baseball) and we still have a great time together and love each other without having all the same hobbies. I do worry about his health but obviously that doesn't stop me from going for my goals 0 -
story of my life...0
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Does he eat the healthy foods you and he both buy rather than junk crap? If so maybe focus on the fact that he's doing the nutrition thing right and maybe he'll come around on the fitness side someday. After all, a lot of people just exclusively focus on nutrition and not so much the exercise part of getting healthy0
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I completely understand where you're coming from.
My husband is one of the most loving and accepting people I've ever met, and he has never once in 12 years hinted that he cares about my weight, what I wear, my makeup...anything. Obviously he has preferences, but I've never gone to any extreme so he's ok. I've always had atrociously low self-esteem, so he's way more concerned with me being happy with myself as I am, rather than changing.
So anyway, as with everything there are definitely downsides. While he might be cheering me on, it's definitely from the sidelines, and if I say "to hell with it all" he wouldn't bat an eye, or push me when I need a push. He's not going to join the gym or start counting calories or go on runs with me.
I had to summon a lot of strength up to decide to make such drastic changes in my life without someone there doing it with me. Even more to stick it out during the times when I don't really want to, knowing I could stop with pretty much zero accountability. But it's such a growth for me - there's so much more to be proud of than pounds lost, you know? It's something that I'm doing ONLY for me, only through my own strength.0 -
My husband doesn't care weather I loose weight or not ... he is however very supportive. It isn't really that he doesn't care, he is proud of the progress I've made. He will help me get time for my workouts. He will go watch my races and drive across the state to pick me up from the end of my bike tour. So to say he doesn't care isn't quite right ... It is that the weight loss isn't a requirement for his love and dedication to me. He won't bike with me, he won't hike more than a mile and a half with me, and he won't go swimming with me. What he does is fish, and he doesn't want company when he fishes. When people ask him if he bikes with me he says "She rides, and I fish." :happy:0
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Thank you all.. especially the last two posters.... Made me think a lot about my own feelings towards this.0
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The point is, it's not how your husband feels about you or himself that matters, it's how you feel about you.
My partner doesn't care whatsoever what I look like, he loves me for who I am and is no less attracted to me now than he was 6 years and 4 stone lighter ago. But I'M not happy with me, so that's what spurs me on.
Your husband, much like mine, would no doubt be happy as long as you are happy, so make yourself happy. It's your journey, no-one elses.0 -
I can relate to you very much. My husband says he supports me but temps me too and I have caught on. Here is the latest....."I don't want you to lose too much". REALLY? I weigh 223 lbs. I use to be a size 12 and over the years through "life" I have gained up to this. I am going to do it because of my health (which hasn't been good) and I want to look in the mirror and not freak out anymore because of the person I have let myself become. I was weak but now I am strong. WE WILL DO IT!0
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the problem is you seem to equate someone other than yourself to be responsible for motivation of your goals...
^This right here....
/endthread
Agree. You either want it or you don't. NO one else can motivate you - like you.0 -
My husband supports me and we go to the gym together, but when we go we rarely talk to each other. Simply because he has different goals. So unless I go to a fitness class I basically am by myself. I'm not sure for you, but I didn't want to go alone because I was afraid I'd look like an idiot trying to figure some things out. You may just have to get over it. Sometimes the best support is to let you do your own thing because it's then you realize you can do this and it gets to the point where you would rather do gym time solo.0
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First off it's not a "diet", diet denotes a temporary state.
It's a lifestyle change.
I do it to make myself feel better physically and emotionally.
Ther is no better feeling than shriking out of those "fat pants".
Watch Forks over Knives and Hungry for a Change, bothon Netflix.0 -
what she saidYou are looking for excuses...You should be doing it for you, not for anybody elses approval....0 -
sorry thought this was something different entirely…
Naughty!
My partner started the journey with me, then went a little off track, eventually qutting. I'm now smaller than her and she knows how much I go to the gym and if we eat together, we try to eat healthy stuff. Eventually she just gave in and she lets me get on with it. We either eat the same thing, or we eat differently. You have to kinda just take responsibility for yourself and if he likes it, great, if he doesn't... Oh well. It's YOUR journey. You can't blame others.0 -
I'm in the same same situation.
I train alone....My wife doesn't want to have anything to do with it (which i respect).
We only see each others on dinner so...She eats healthy at dinner with me and eat whatever she wants after.
It's just harder when she doesn't understand all the work and dedication i'm doing.....
The trick is to put yourself in a bubble and do it..... you're doing it for yourself first anyway...I do it for my kids too, so I can be healthier and live longer etc...0 -
sorry thought this was something different entirely…
^^^^^ exactly where many mind was...backs out of the room...0 -
You don't have to go it alone. I am sure you have friends that care and that would love to workout, run, etc with you. If not you will meet new friends at the gym. I don't workout to look a certain way, I workout because I enjoy the way it makes me feel , I enjoy the extra energy level, I enjoy the way my mind is sharper and quicker when I am active, I enjoy looking back at the end of the day and seeing everything I accomplished, I enjoy the people I meet on the track, in the spin class, at the pool, I enjoy the fact that when I workout I pay more attention to what I eat, and I enjoy that fact that working out may be a positive influence on a family member or a friends.0
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