Fell Off The Wagon

Charlene____

Hi All,

I am back after taking a break from counting calories and entering.

I took a few pictures of myself today wearing the same pair of shorts and sports bra as I am in my profile picture. That picture was taken in June 2017. Since then, I have gained almost 20lbs.

I feel uncomfortable, my clothes are all too tight or don't fit at all including my uniforms I must wear for work and can only reorder in February. Psychologically I think I overeat trying to gain weight so I can feel successful when I lose it. I need to replace that mentality with becoming a more successful runner. My job, while a well-paying and flexible career, offers zero "goals" or incentives. I show up, do what I am supposed to do, go home. While it's stress free for the most part, it doesn't mentally challenge me. I think I yo-yo with my weight so I can create goals to accomplish.

I like to run but fall of the horse in the summer as a result of the high heat and humidity where I live. While I have zero excuses for not running on the treadmill, the whole thought of exercising when I am constantly hot is a major deterrent. I participate in races from late Winter to July.

In 2008-10 I gained almost 50lbs as a result of a new job and the traveling it requires of me, a lot of which takes me overseas with exciting new cuisines to try and jet-lag and interrupted sleep to fight. I started counting calories and exercising and lost all of that in about 1 year, 2011. I maintained that weight for 5 years then started gaining slowly until I hit the 145 mark in Oct 2016.

Between Oct 2016 and March 2017, I went from 145 to about 118-122 where I was happiest. Starting last winter, I gained back weight and finally topped out today at 138. I am 5'4" so still within a "healthy range" but heavier than what I prefer.

So over 10 years, I have gained 50, lost 50 and maintained, gained 25 and lost the 25, now I have gained about 20. Definitely a cycle. I know exactly how to lose weight, how to use a food scale, MFP, how to run, cross-train, what macros work great for me (50C/30F/20P), what a calorie is, how much to burn to lose a pound, etc. It's all mental for me. My only "struggle" per se is drinking water. I don't drink nearly enough and constantly feel dehydrated.

Please send me a friend's request if my story is similar to yours or you are interested in helping me or having help losing weight. I am not a health nut, and find myself having to eat out often as a result of my job. I also enjoy a good glass of Riesling. I do best with structure, such as planning out my day's meal in advance when I can, having a strict running plan to adhere too, and hitting goals, such a steps with my Fitbit.

Thanks for reading and best of luck to you as well.

kommodevaran

Welcome back! I found your reflections interesting - intriguing and actually adding new insight to my own personal challenges. You must be the first person I've met who openly admits to gaining weight on purpuse, just so you can lose it again. But I don't think you really "need" that to feel challenged - your job might be boring, but you have exciting and difficult athletic goals, and maintaining weight does indeed fit the bill of "important and difficult task". It's important to remind oneself, especially if we're good at something, that it's still hard work.

Charlene____

Thanks for your comment. I wrote out what I was feeling because sometimes when you can admit to what you’re doing wrong or where you’re going off the track with your thoughts, you can begin to fix it; at the very least understand and acknowledge it. This would certainly not be something I would talk about with my friends and it seems sort of a cross between silly and self-sabotage.

FitnTrimSteve

Welcome back. I too feel uncomfortable in my clothing since regaining a lot of weight. With a hectic schedule, eating out is often the norm for me, too. I tried the treadmill thing but walking in place is so boring. Sadly it's the only option with the humidity but once it drops, I love to hike. I have no doubt you'll drop the 20 pounds soon.