Take Time to be Kind to Yourself - Share the Inner Thoughts You've had Along the Way

jillstreett

I thought this would be a good thread to start because I have been dieting and exercising for 48 weeks and have had many nice, but also not so nice, thoughts run through my head about my journey. I think (know) we all do, but after this past weekend, I decided it came down to being more kind to myself.

Background: I started with the goal of losing 30 pounds from 195.3 to 165.3. (I am 5' 6", pear shape for reference.) I gave myself 30 weeks from October 24th, 2017 after a family vacation. I crushed it. Lost the 30 in 28 weeks and went through the holidays, my birthday in January, lots of traveling and events for family and work and still did so well. After week 28, I decided to lose another 20 pounds. Hopefully in 20 weeks, but at that time, I wasn't making it a hard and fast goal for 20 lbs in 20 weeks. As the weeks progressed, I made small weight loss goals to meet by certain event dates and hit them all about 1.5 weeks early so going into each event I was down 1-2 pounds more than my original goal! Yay! About halfway through the 20 weeks I decided to officially make the end goal 20lbs in 20 weeks! I have 2 weeks left and my lowest weight thus far has been 146.7 so to get to 145.3 it's only 1.4lbs!!! Overall, I can do it, but the negative thoughts were creeping up.

One more point for reference: I don't know my real starting weight, that would truly be in accordance to how I weigh in daily. My weight at my doctor last November 7th was 197.3. That was with jeans and a long sleeve on at 4pm in the afternoon. I had eaten breakfast and lunch and drank a good amount of water that day. Also, I had started working out and watching my calories closely for 2 weeks before this doctor's appointment. My NORMAL weigh in's since that day are every morning, after using the restroom, no clothes and 95% of the time after a 12 hour fast overnight. So I took 2 pounds off the doctor's weight to make a nice number on the 5's.

Negative thought 1: I should have never gained that much to begin with. I KNOW better and why am I celebrating a loss that I just should have known better not to let my weight get that high in the first place?

Negative thought 2: Can I really lose the last little bit in 2 weeks? What if I don't? Well then I will be left disappointed and I can't verbalize, "I lost 50lbs in 50 weeks."

Negative thought 3: If someone asks how much you've lost, don't "lie" and say you've lost 50lbs and use a round number when it's really only 48.6! You're NOT there yet.

Negative thought 4: I said I want to live in a world under 150lbs, and I am doing that right now!, but it's not 145, so I can't celebrate yet.

Here's where and when my thought process changed for the better!

I went to and was in my best friends wedding this past weekend. I looked great, like really freaking great in every photo, not just the ones with good angles or filters. I ate. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I drank. I drank mimosas with the bride and beer with the boys. I watched my portions. Most importantly, all four mornings, while everyone else was sleeping in, hungover or gorging on biscuits and gravy, I was out running, walking or lifting weights and I WANTED to be doing that. I wanted to be in the fresh air breaking a sweat. I wanted to be able to go to the pool that afternoon in a bikini knowing I put in the work already! I felt great and beyond proud of myself for making that commitment for 45 minutes to an hour each morning. The best part was how my weigh in's are going this week. Tuesday morning 151.3 - while it is over 150, it showed me that my thought process of having my goal be 145.3 and being able to vacation and still live in a world under 150 is correct and a good goal for me. (146.7 to 151.3 is 4.6lbs, so when I hit that 145.3 I know that even with variations and water weight, I can still live in that world under 150 (literally by .1lbs, but still awesome!) Shows me I'm right on track as far as how to maintain when I'm ready. Wednesday morning I was 149.3, Thursday and Friday mornings I was 148, so most of the water weight is gone and I'm feeling good!

Here's where it gets even better. I took off working out Tues, Wed and Thurs. I needed it and I felt great about it. I needed to get rest and all I ever want to do after a vacation is spend time with my dog since he has to be at a kennel when I'm away. When I skipped my workout last night, Thursday, I felt so happy about my decision because I was being kind to myself. I always listen to my body, never deprive myself and never overdo it to the point of regret at the gym or in my dance classes. But this time it was different. I took the 148 as a success for ONCE. I started this journey at a little under 200lbs and I am now a little under 150. It's 50lbs gone. It is. And I let myself relish in that for the past three days.

I will get down to 145.3 in 2 weeks and I will have days where that number is 147 and I may even have days where it is 144 and I will go on vacations and have ALL the FUN there is to have. I know that weight loss is not linear, I know that I will have variations day to day and maintenance will be another bear to tackle to figure out my real comfort range. But now I also know that I kicked *kitten* this weekend and for the past 48 weeks, and I have no reason to not call it a 50 pound loss and be so proud of sticking it out, and making and crushing every single goal I set!

So my long winded message is, be kind to yourself. And I hope this thread helps others who has had all kinds of crazy thoughts to find a place to express them and find the kind support they need.

You all are awesome!

NSthingoldline

Very well written. We often don't realize how much negative self talk is really going on in our head.
Well done on your emotional well being and your physical journey! *hugs*

VUA21

Awesome!

You forgot one:

Societal negativity: You can't....*insert random health/strength/body BS* because *more BS*

Positive response: Say nothing, prove them wrong with your actions. Followed by giving yourself a high five for your success.

mling84

Tonight, I had this self talk:

"I need to push and force myself to have a 100 calorie deficit. At least i will have a deficit."

That thought didn't feel good at all. Scrambling over small calorie deficits make me feel crazy. The next thought:

"I can have a cup of warm unsweetened soymilk that will give me the calcium that I need. I will just about break even, but feeling full and nourished is just as important in the long run."

and

"Kiss my a__, number obsession" to top off the positive self talk!

Candyspun

I was exercising in front of the tv today and wanted to do an hour.

A few times, I got the idea to stop, even though I was handling the workout just fine.

Then I remembered a quote I’d read, about how a one hour workout is only 4% of your day. So, every time that voice told me I should stop, I repeated that quote like a mantra. Proud to say, I did the full hour.

jillstreett

I wanted to update that I did in fact hit that 145.3 to the decimal point on Sunday 9/23!!!! 50lbs officially gone and still going to try and drop just a few more for comfort, but maintenance is about to be my next big challenge! I can do it!

amgreenwell

Great post and so well written. I'm so proud of all you've accomplished in 50 weeks! Don't let those negative thoughts creep back in. Keep up the great work and know that you are WORTH it! Every bit of it!