I lost my sister and motivation

BoxerBrawler

This is why I don't believe in motivation.
Motivation is fleeting and if it's the only thing you rely on, when it goes, and it does go, you're left with nothing. Luckily, there's discipline and routine.

I haven't posted here in a long time nor have I logged here for a very long time. I haven't been weighing or measuring my foods. By now I'm good with eyeballing, but it's certainly not an exact science. I can think about motivational quotes all day long. The one that is SO true - "You can't keep doing the same thing but expecting different results". That's fine, and I get it, but I have no desire to change. In fact, somewhere deep in my brain I'm thinking "Wouldn't it be nice to just give up. Just stop. Just relax. Just get up at a normal hour in the morning, go to work, eat whatever the *kitten* I want, go home and lay on the couch?" Yup... sure would be nice. It would be nice to sleep it all away... that's depression talking right there!

I lost my sister in the most terrible way to the most terrible disease on June 30th. It was a complete and total shock. We lost our mother three years ago and had become very close, it was nice. Life will never be the same.

Since then I've been going through the motions, keeping the pace and intensity, working my *kitten* off and keeping that game face on. Always, always on my A game.

I'm so tired.

mgrThiagoSilva

I'm really sorry to hear that, I can't even imagine how hard is this to you.

Take your time, try get professional help, depression is not easy, I know.

Keep fighting!

lizziebeth1028

I'm so sorry for your loss!! I lost my sister 7 years ago and my Dad 8 years ago. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of them. That first year of grief, definitely just moving through the motions, doing what you're supposed to do without any passion for it. Life feels so 'flat'. But you will get through, one day at a time, eventually life finds the 'new normal', you catch yourself laughing more, looking forward to things to come, and you don't feel so empty inside or exhausted. You never ever forget or 'move on' but it gets easier with time. Stay your tough bad *kitten* self in honor of those who are no longer here Feel free to send me a friend request - I miss my sis too

evergreenlakegirl

Cushman- I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
There are many things in my life that have caused me to loose motivation- but one thing is constant- the sun always rises..... I’ve had to pick myself up, push myself on, put the happy face on- even when I wasn’t happy
All I can say is give yourself what you need- if it’s a pint of ice cream or a binge on your most favorite foods- it doesn’t define you-
If it comforts you -allow yourself that sometimes- it feels good

JeromeBarry1

Seriously, if you are tired, rest.

BoxerBrawler

@lizziebeth1028 thanks so much for the nice words. Yeah, life feels so flat, I couldn't have said it better. And I'm sorry you lost yours too. Yup, just going through the motions being the strong one for everyone around me, always. Every day I wake up and think "I need to make some changes". Nothing huge mind you, maybe a schedule change or something in my workout or routine or work. Just something. But every day I just go about the same old routine, can't seem to break out. I've lost my desire for just about everything. Everyday I box (heavy-bag), training, I lift weights, I teach boxing at a local gym 4x per week. People love my class, I am tough and fun and I give them SO much energy they can't believe it. Meanwhile inside my head I'm just asleep. Anyway, thanks again so much!

BoxerBrawler

@mgrThiagoSilva thank you

Millicent3015

I'm really sorry for your loss. It sounds like you're on autopilot, and that's understandable, since you're still going through the shock, pain and grief of losing your sister. Is there anyone close to you, like a good friend, who you can talk to? Would you consider talking with a grief counsellor? Sometimes we put on our game faces because we're scared that if we really confront what's going on, we'll crumble and fall and never be able to get up again. But if you keep the game face on, you might get to a point where you can't do that anymore, and carrying on as you are becomes impossible, because something's got to give. That's what worries me-- that you're not giving yourself time to process everything that's going on. You're tired, and it's okay to allow yourself to rest. That's not giving up. It's giving yourself space to take off the game face and let go for a bit, until you can pick up where you left off. Try not to push yourself too hard, and take care of your mental and emotional health as well as your physical health.

elisa123gal

dieting does seem beside the point when you compare it to a life ended too soon and a beloved sister too. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

We all understand how your energy to lose weight and focus on yourself changes when your mind goes to the loss of your sister.

God bless you. It seems the good habits you established before all this tragedy are carrying you through. It sounds trite, but your sister would lovingly want you to take care of your health. I hope your grief lightens with each day ..and we are all glad you reached out for support.

StarBright147

I’m sorry you lost your mother and sister. I lost my mother 2 years ago. Everyday is a struggle. I hope you have supportive people in your life to help you through it.

helene4

When I lost a family member it made me feel like the world wasn’t a safe place for me anymore
It’s traumatic
And I started emotionally eating more

I’m seeing a psychotherapist now and it instantly changed my life for the better

It’s not the solution for everyone, but it was my solution and if my experience can help anyone else, sweet

Sending many warm hugs your way

Shan0Marie

This hit hard. I truly want to reach out and hug you.
Depression is a real B, and it's hard to keep your game face on when all you want is to eat a brownie in bed and then go to sleep.
But I'm super proud of you for putting your game face on, because whether you realize it or not your game face is what's keeping you sane. What you keep telling yourself is what you'll believe, I'm a true believer of that, so if you can keep your game face up you'll believe it more and more over time. If you eat brownies while crying in bed and telling yourself you're worthless you'll believe that in time too. Eating well and taking care of your body will make you feel a lot better than caving into your want to be lazy, I promise. I know it's hard, but you can do it. Keep reaching out to the community when you need to. I wish you all the best!

BoxerBrawler

Thanks everyone for the support. I appreciate it.

girlwithcurls2

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I don't really have advice beyond what was offered here. I just want you to know that your post touched me. I hope you can make a small change that will allow you some peace. Give yourself time. You need time

TexasTallchick

I lost my husband unexpectedly last year. We were together half my life. Loss and subsequent grief are absolutely life-altering. Nothing is the same afterwards. I hope you have friends or family that you can express your grief and feelings to without having to hide them. Grieving is very necessary and is unpredictable and often times messy. Maybe you even want to seek out a grief counselor for specific treatment surrounding your immense losses. Cut yourself a lot of slack and give yourself a lot of time. ❤️❤️

keodell1966

So sorry for your loss. Just make it through the next hour, or minute, don't worry about losing weight. Take care of you. Hugs to you...

snowyne

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're still feeling emotionally raw and that's completely understandable. Try to be gentle with yourself...do what you can and banish the guilt. I know it's hard to press on when all you want to do is stop. Grief is unpredictable and so exhausting - be kind to yourself. In the meantime, maybe long walks and reaching out to friends would be a good way to help clear the fog. Also, keep easy to prepare & nutritious food options at hand if cooking seems overwhelming (cooking is the last thing I wanted to do when I experienced 2 family deaths in 7 months). You don't have to be on your A game right now - take each day as it comes. Hug for you.

eminater

I am really glad you have posted to this community and that you are allowing yourself this safe place to vent and to get support. Please keep being open. People will listen to you and you are valued. I hope you get a good sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow that little bit more rested. Be kind to yourself. And that does mean looking after your self - health and well-being are crucial right now. So stay active, and eat well but be easy on yourself as well. Please reach out when you need to talk. People will listen.

BoxerBrawler

I keep saying "Thanks" but I really mean it. It's nice to be heard. Last Friday I took the day off, went out and had breakfast with my brother-in-law and nephew, then I cleaned out my sisters bedroom dresser and closet. My brother-in-law couldn't really handle doing it but he wanted it done. I am strong... I got it done, had some laughs and some cries along the way. In a few weeks I'll have to go back and clean out the rest. Funny because when we lost my mom a few years ago, me and my sister cleaned everything out for my dad. Now I lost my sister and I had to clean everything out for her. I guess that'll be it. I keep thinking maybe there's a time-limit to grieving. Is there? I am stubborn and want to allow myself only so much time to grieve and that's it. But I know that's not realistic. Me and her were very close and although I do reach out to a friend or two here and there, I am the strong one in my tribe, always have been. I always have so many people relying on me for things that I guess I don't want to let them down you know? If I crumble, who would be there for them? I think I'm probably sounding irrational. Anyway, I am not trying to lose weight, just maintaining at my current. I box and I teach boxing so that's a really good outlet. Have to drag myself there these days but once I'm there it makes me happy. I dunno... it's either keep doing what I'm doing or just go to sleep for the next several weeks.

BoxerBrawler

And I too am sorry for those of you who have experienced loss. It really sucks