Stuck in a mental rut

Shan0Marie

Full disclosure, I have pretty severe anxiety and can get stuck in my brain a lot.
Here's the thing, I'm down 21lbs in a month and a half. Don't worry, I have a lot more to lose. Anyway, lately I'm getting caught in 2 pretty severe and discouraging mental traps. They are 1. getting worried about loose/excess skin when I do lose weight. I'll look up videos and pictures and such and freak myself out with what could happen to my body. 2. I will step on the scale and be excited for another pound down, but immediately get mad at myself for being excited to be 100 pounds overweight. I try to tell myself "but you're not 120 pounds overweight anymore" but I still can't help but berate myself anyway.
What are some mental pitfalls you've had during your journey and how do you get over them?

ApolloDj2018

Everything takes time and think 1lbs a week in 2 years you'll be at your goal weight and what's 2 years in 80+ year life and you'll be alot healthier inside :-)

Running2Fit

You should be excited about any progress you’ve made! It’s not about being excited to be overweight, it’s being excited that you’ve made so much progress toward your goal. If you don’t let yourself celebrate the small victories, it’s going to be a hard hard journey.

As for excess skin, everyone’s body is different. Some people end up with excess skin and others don’t. I know this is hard with anxiety but there’s no point in worrying about something that doesn’t exist now.

JeromeBarry1

You look young. Young people can lose weight and enjoy the fact that their loose skin eventually conforms to the body they have if it's a healthy weight.

88olds

I think our brains hate weight loss.

I put the loose skin thought in the general category of “not good enough.” As in, “I’m going to go to all this trouble and the result will not be good enough.” Fact is, you don’t know what’s going to happen. The future is unknown.

But your brain is trying to trick you into thinking it can see the future, and things don’t look good. This is just junk thinking. Ignore it.

Push back against negativity. My push backs work for me. Keep working. Effective push backs have to seem true to you. I think I was able to lose weight because I learned how to argue with myself and win.

As to the regret. Regret is tough and destructive. Fight back. Does this work for you? - I looked on losses, even .2 lbs as points crossed of my list. Every fraction of a lb was a place I had to go through to get to goal.

Also, are you seeing benefits from your losses so far? How are your feet and knees? How well do you sleep? I started rewarding myself with clothes that fit properly. It was a big help.

As a long time maintainer I rarely think of the old 285 lb me. I’m too busy being surprised at my life now.

Keep working. I think I read on the Mayo Clinic website that a big problem in weight loss is coping when discouraged. Surprised to see medical people stating it in those terms. I think they are right. But this cloud will pass. Weight loss is liberation.

kathleenford04

My own mind is my biggest enemy, so I understand! I fluctuate between two extremes...“I hate how I look and feel and I need to fix it now” or “I just need to accept myself and the fact that I can’t change.” That kind of all or nothing thinking is part of the disorder, I think. Therapy and medication are the things that have helped me reach a better place, but I never got help until a few months ago. Recently I’ve been trying to practice radical acceptance of myself while at the same time working to improve my mind and body. You can do both at the same time (might sound obvious to some, but has been hard for my anxiety riddled mind to embrace!)

JeromeBarry1

I'll add: There are more health problems with excess fat than with excess skin. I choose excess skin.

Millicent3015

If you don't deal with your anxiety while you're losing weight, you'll go from being a fat person with anxiety to a thin person with anxiety. Your weight can affect your mindset and self esteem whatever weight you are. You could end up looking like a twig and still feel anxious and unhappy with yourself. So work on losing some psychological weight while you lose the physical weight, and try not to focus too much on the skin thing. Stop looking up videos and pictures of loose skin and psyching yourself out. It's your choice to google those things, why do you keep doing it? It's like grabbing a hot poker to prove it burns. Google self esteem, coping strategies, maybe contact numbers of therapists or mental health peer groups in your area instead. Stop grabbing the hot poker. You already know it's gonna burn you. Concentrate on celebrating every ounce you lose, recognise when you're catastrophising and having black and white thinking, catch those thoughts and work to dismiss them. They don't represent the reality you're living.

Evelyn_Gorfram

smjohnson1315 wrote: »

Full disclosure, I have pretty severe anxiety and can get stuck in my brain a lot.
Here's the thing, I'm down 21lbs in a month and a half. Don't worry, I have a lot more to lose. Anyway, lately I'm getting caught in 2 pretty severe and discouraging mental traps. They are 1. getting worried about loose/excess skin when I do lose weight. I'll look up videos and pictures and such and freak myself out with what could happen to my body. 2. I will step on the scale and be excited for another pound down, but immediately get mad at myself for being excited to be 100 pounds overweight. I try to tell myself "but you're not 120 pounds overweight anymore" but I still can't help but berate myself anyway.
What are some mental pitfalls you've had during your journey and how do you get over them?

Congratulations on your weight loss!

(I'm assuming that some of that was water weight in the first week or two, and that you've slowed down to a safe and reasonable rate of weight loss.)

1. I suggest that you stop looking at videos and pictures of people with excess skin after weight loss. Those are the exceptional examples, the things unusual enough to attract interest. You're much more likely to have a perfectly ordinary experience that would bore people to tears.

How boring your experience will be seems to depend on age, genetics, and how fast you lose the weight (one of the many good reason to take your weight loss slow). Also, the skin in some of those extreme pictures may still tighten up in the first year or two of maintenance - it can take skin a while to "catch up."

Also, looking at people with excess loose skin at the beginning of your weight loss seems a little like looking at pictures of people caught in hurricanes and hailstorms before you leave the house and go outside. I wouldn't recommend that you do either.

2. I stepped on the scale this morning, and saw that I had lost a pound. Would you get mad at me for being excited that I'll still 109 pounds overweight? If I tried to point out that I'm not 125 pounds overweight anymore, would you berate me anyway?

I'm going to guess that you wouldn't.

So then the question becomes: can you be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you can to some stranger on the internet?

I've spent a lot of time berating myself for a lot of things. Some of those things were indeed truly worthy of self-reproach, but many of them were not. Sometimes I just have to stop and ask myself: "Would I treat any other human being this way? ...Well then, how can I justify treating myself so much worse than I would treat anyone else?"

Even when asking myself that doesn't stop me from berating myself, knowing that my Inner Self-Berater is in the wrong can be weirdly helpful.

newbody2019newme

To not have loose skin you must not lose weight too fast. A pound or two a week is best. Also focus on some strength training. You are doing great! Don’t be down😊You have to try and remember that even though you aren’t happy with where you are, you are doing something to get there!

Shan0Marie

Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate all of you, especially those who get anxiety and how its irrational and makes you do things you know aren't in your best interest.
And to be clear, yes I lost about 6lbs my first week, probably mostly water weight from reduced carbs and processed food/sodium, and have slowed down to about 2lbs a week and I do Crossfit 4x a week for cardio and strength training to help and I feel a LOT better. My plantar fasciitis is a TON better, still having issues with my knees but working on that next.
I keep trying to see those positives and most days that's where I'm at, but somedays my brain gets stuck looking at how far I have to go and its tough. But I'm looking forward to the journey and love the support folks like you at MFP give!!

Basilin

smjohnson1315 wrote: »

Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate all of you, especially those who get anxiety and how its irrational and makes you do things you know aren't in your best interest.
And to be clear, yes I lost about 6lbs my first week, probably mostly water weight from reduced carbs and processed food/sodium, and have slowed down to about 2lbs a week and I do Crossfit 4x a week for cardio and strength training to help and I feel a LOT better. My plantar fasciitis is a TON better, still having issues with my knees but working on that next.
I keep trying to see those positives and most days that's where I'm at, but somedays my brain gets stuck looking at how far I have to go and its tough. But I'm looking forward to the journey and love the support folks like you at MFP give!!

CrossFit is hard. Congrats on how much you have done so far!

When these anxious thoughts that foresee a bad outcome for your efforts start getting out of control, find someone to talk to who is good to listen and provides positive support - like you are doing here - it will help bring you out of your head.

People with high anxiety also tend to be very self-reflective. My guess is that you are better equipped to understand what you need to overcome to accomplish your goals more than the average person, and while that is a huge asset, it can also be somewhat paralyzing.

Starfish1125

Anxiety is a beyotch. I hate her.

cmriverside

I agree with Starfish1125. I usually have an answer to whatever junk my inner critic throws up. Some days are better than others, but I try to love myself through it all. Human Condition, whatchagonnado? Smile and keep swimming.

I actively practice letting go of destructive thoughts. "I see you there. Begone."

frameloss

Hi!!!! I just sent you a friend request! You know your brain will actually begin to believe your thoughts! So if you say things to your self- like I. And I it- you will believe it, and it will happen for you! Go and get it! 😊

elisa123gal

exercise, and eating right helped to reduce and end my anxiety. I hope you find the trick to cure yours.. I suggest googling the clam clinic for advice and things to look at the trigger anxiety.

As for your fear of losing weight and heightened self criticism ... that is partly being young and partly bad habit. Losing weight has to be more about self love than self loathing. It has to be more about your health than your beauty. The habit of self criticism is often what motivates one to lose weight.. then a person will criticize themselves during the entire process. I get amazed when I read post from people who are disappointed and still unsatisfied with themselves after a huge weight loss journey.

I guess you have to decide what your attitude will be.

alyssa_6481

An exercise for reducing anxiety: talk all the way through the worst case scenario situation.
Example - anxious over loose skin
You're getting healthier and losing weight but worried about the potential for lose skin. What happens if you end up with a lot of lose skin? Well, you could surgically have it fixed. Not an option? You could cover those areas with clothing. Hot out? You could embrace the work you have done and choose to accept that more change is to come and be patient as your skin continues to adapt to your smaller body. It'll catch up eventually and likely faster than you think. If someone makes a comment, you might feel bad for a bit but you'll get over it and move on with your life. And potentially become stronger by learning to surround yourself with people that don't care and are happy you're healthy.
I hope that helps.