Uni Student and dieting.

JackGW69999

Over the course of my 1st year of university I survived on take outs and candy almost every single day. I spent around £1500 on takeout and successfully managed to gain 28 pounds resulting in me being 1 pound away from obese. I weighed over 200 pounds which is the heaviest I have ever weighed. Over the summer I have dieted the only way which has ever worked for me. Counting Calories. I have almost lost 40 pounds which is the most I have ever lost. I still have a long way to go. I have now moved into my second year accommodation with new people. One of my flat mates is very dependent on social interaction. She suggested that each week we have a takeout each weekend and a movie night. I tend to order a plain burger and fries from a takeout which tends to be around 1000 calories depending on the portion size. I understand that this is within my caloric goal for the day and i will still lose weight but I want to avoid getting back into the habit of eating this type of foods and wasting money. Now of course the girl who is demanding of the social interaction seems to have the inability to hide any of her emotions. If she is annoyed it is visible. I know for a fact that if I say that I’ll sit and watch the movie with her and not have a takeout she will still find a problem with it and give me the glare and the silent judgement. I never really mention my diet to her but she does see me record my meals into my fitness pal which results in her shaking her head with the occasional glare of judgement. Despite not knowing much about my diet she knows how important losing weight is to me, yet she just seems annoyed or overly concerned with what I eat. I don’t really know what to say to this girl and I don’t want to create tension in the house.

Running2Fit

Your health is more important than her wanting you to eat take-out. Just tell her you are trying to save some money and will watch the movie with her but are going to make something homemade instead of ordering take-out. Who cares if she gives you a judgemental look, why do you care more about her than yourself and your health?

livingleanlivingclean

Why not have a shared cooking night and enjoy a dinner together that you've prepared that better fits your calorie goals?

Make it fun - theme it around a certain cuisine, or to suit the movie you plan on watching?

apullum

I get that maintaining good relationships with housemates is important, but you need to set your own boundaries and not let her dictate so many terms of the relationship. She doesn’t get to choose what you eat, and her annoyance shouldn’t pressure you into eating food you don’t want. It sounds to me that she is the one creating tension in the house.

countcurt

These points are all well taken. Deciding what you’re going to eat is a personal decision. It’s one thing if you’re talking about a special or rare occasion and there needs to be some compromise. But if you’re talking about regularly occurring events such as a weekly movie night then it’s most definitely something you should feel no discomfort exertion control over.


Nevertheless, there are a couple of other issues you’ll need to consider here...

First, is it your plan to never eat a burgers and fries takeout again? Is so, it’s perfectly reasonable to forgo ordering such items. If you feel it’s likely you’ll want to be incorporating them into a healthy eating plan long term, you may wish to consider how you plan to ‘reintroduce’ them. There’s an old adage that one should never give up anything to lose weight that they aren’t willing to give up for the rest of their lives. If your plan is ‘once at my goal weight I can just tweak what I was doing before’ you’re sort of wasting your time now.

Second, (and I don’t know this because it appears you and I live in different countries) are there no other options at the take out besides burger and fries? Perhaps there are other take outs besides the burger joint.

Honestly, though, it sounds like you’ve got bigger flatmate (another clue we’re living in different countries!) troubles if roomie is this bent out of shape over what you’re going to eat on movie night. If you’re stuck with her for awhile, time to pick your battles. Carefully.

firlena227

Hmm do you think she's being funny about it cos it's kinda reflecting on poor food choices she's making maybe? Like she can't get a takeaway on her own without using you to justify it? (Don't think I'm explaining myself very well here but hopefully that makes sense!) I'd say the cash side of things alone is a good enough reason not to order food every week, let alone the calorie bombs... £1500 on takeaways sounds like a lot to me. I get that she wants to be sociable but as others have said, this doesnt always have to revolve around takeaway food... sounds like she likes everything on her own terms a bit too much!

tk2222

livingleanlivingclean wrote: »

Why not have a shared cooking night and enjoy a dinner together that you've prepared that better fits your calorie goals?

Make it fun - theme it around a certain cuisine, or to suit the movie you plan on watching?

This strikes me as a good potential solution - my rich and often catastrophic roommating experience has taught me that it doesn't serve house dynamic well to be an overly accommodating roommate as much as is doesn't to be a difficult and picky one. If you're happy to participate in this kind of level of social interaction - which I think is a good idea, especially if you don't have anything against movie nights in principle - bring something of yourself to it, so its a genuine mutual social activity, don't just say yes to whatever she's into. Proposing making it new-homecooked-recipe-experimentation and movie night, rather than takeout and movie night, could be a good move. You can explain that you're trying to eat healthy and save money, but you don't have to. If she has a problem or an unwillingness to participate in any of that, well, that suggests some deeper issues.

PAV8888

tk2222 wrote: »

my rich and often catastrophic roommating experience has taught me that it doesn't serve house dynamic well to be an overly accommodating roommate as much as is doesn't to be a difficult and picky one.

QFT.
Boundaries are good.

Don't know if you're sweet on her etc; but would you give a **flying kitten** if one of your other gender flat mates opined about your food choices, or appeared to be butt-hurt about them?

ghudson92

I think when it comes to your health and the food you put in your body, you have to be firm. This girl is just a temporary presence in your life, your health is not.

NovusDies

No one respects a pushover. No one. Some people may enjoy having one around so they can always get what they want but they don't respect them.

ETA: Since your profile says you are male being a pushover is also a guarantee to be stuck in the friend zone which is no good if you have any romantic interest in this girl.

confidenceinrain

This roommate sounds exhausting. However it is early in the term. In my experience most students are going to run out of money for takeaways soon...can you wait it out until then?

LKArgh

If the roommate wants to complain about something, she will find something to complain about, so do not worry about that.
If you do want to eat take away, aren't there lower calorie options? I do not like burgers, I do not even eat them once a year, I still find things to order

VUA21

As far as take-aways go, start looking up the best options at various places. By simple choosing the meals that have (often substantially) fewer calories, you can still enjoy take-aways.

Quit eating food that you don't want to eat simply because someone else is eating it and wants you to eat it. That's not okay. Eat what you want to eat. If they argue, are upset, or anything else, that's thier problem, don't make it yours.

SarahLascelles1

Social eating is nice, but that doesn't mean she gets to dictate *what* you eat. Either order something healthier from a different takeaway or cook for yourself and time it to be ready when hers arrives.

thisPGHlife

Really, honesty and directness are to your benefit. You don't have to be mean with her but direct. Tell her that you appreciate that she wants to do a social activity with you and you will gladly alternate a cooking night and a takeaway night every other weekend. Or cooking together most weekends with takeaway once a month. If she has an issue with this, you can nicely but firmly tell her that you won't be getting takeaway every weekend regardless of what she does but you will happily join her for a movie. That your situation doesn't lend itself to takeaway every weekend. At that point if she tries to pry, it is none of her business. It literally doesn't matter to her if it's financial, nutritional, or because your cult leader doesn't allow it. What is important for her to know is that you want to be social work get but takeaway every weekend is off the table.

This comes down to the fact that you'll need to keep the peace because your living with this person but this is your home as well. It won't be easy but this is a good time to start learning how to kindly but firmly stand up for your needs. This is an issue that comes up in life. There are times to compromise and there are times too give in. But every time you deserve to have yourself be heard. It can be a subtle art and you have to learn to balance being direct, clear, and firm with being respectful and not tearing the other person down.

Also, you can always their out other options. One weekend you can pack a picnic lunch and go for a hike together. One weekend can be putting together a dinner of better for you snacks as your dinner (veggies with hummus, popcorn, mini caramel rice cakes, fruit platter) and Minch in those while playing board games or cards. You can try combining the higher calorie nights with something that's active. Go it to eat somewhere and go roller skating or dancing or bowling. There are ways to be social that don't always involve eating. There are also wats to be social without combing a high calorie meal and inactivity. Regardless, I think it's also important to take advantage of having another person who you can do activities with.