Getting tired, worried I will ‘relapse’ in my habits

kiela64

I’ve been doing well with MFP since April, and I’ve lost 44lbs to date. I’ve been wanting to lose weight since 2015, when I first got this app. It took until April for it to stick - and I spent months not believing it was real. Now I’ve dropped 2 sizes, had my new clothes taken in, my saved old small clothes fit now, I find myself feeling very anxious about moving forward and if I am capable- and worse, if I want to.

The last time I was this size was 2011, the year I graduated high school & started university. (Freshman 15 sophomore 20, etc anyone? Lol). I am really happy with my progress and I love how I look in clothes now. My body still feels like mine, still soft and chubby but smaller and more shapely. I still feel like me when I look in the mirror, just nicer/better to my eyes. It’s nice.

I’m a size 14 (new clothes)/16 (old smaller clothes) right now. At my highest weight I was an 18. It’s not very dramatic. But the difference is 44lbs and I’m officially no longer obese, which is nice. It makes me feel a little safer, health-wise.

Health is my main reason for losing. I’ve been having bad knee issues among other health issues that have been at least partially attributed to increased strain from my obesity. Being out of that range makes me feel a bit more relaxed. Maybe falsely.

I’ve also started slowing down on my loss. I was (unintentionally) losing around 1.8lbs/week, and I’ve managed to get it closer to 0.9lbs now. Now my loss is slower I’m not having the same speedy scale/clothes fit feedback telling me it’s working and it feels like a stall even if it isn’t. Now my calories are higher it is very easy to go over into maintenance or gaining territory, also. Whereas before 100cal over goal was still losing.

I have this dread of not recognizing myself in the mirror. I feel if I drop below a size 12 or so I will be a different person. I don’t know who that is. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this?

My goal has been to be normal BMI for my height at 130lbs. But it feels unrealistic or strange for me. My body has never been that small since I was maybe 12 and still growing, I have no memory of myself at that weight. Where this weight/size is safe/comfortable for me, it’s uncharted territory to be smaller. It makes me nervous.

It also seems like a different social role to be in the “straight size” crowd. I’m used to being L-1X, the cusp where not all stores make my size. I’ve felt like my size has given me a fair bit of invisibility in public, letting me avoid the experiences lots of my friends have of cat calls and stalking and street harassment. I’m not sure I’m prepared for that. I don’t know that it would happen of course, but it seems to be so common that I feel anxious about that.

Idk, I see a lot of encouraging things and struggles to lose but I don’t know if I’m just way too in my head about this. I’m worried if I don’t have a set plan for being smaller I’ll go back to my old habits and I do not want to regain. 😐

Evelyn_Gorfram

Maybe a "diet break" would be a good idea, maintaining at your current level and taking some time to let your body and your brain get used to being the new you.

I worry about the same things - will I regain it all, how will I deal with uninvited male attention, etc. I will have to redefine myself a lot as my weight loss progresses. I expect it will be better than my current worries about if/when the heart disease and/or diabetes will catch up with me, and how fast my heavy body is is wearing out my shoes and bra and bed and chairs. But by the time I'm lighter, I will probably have forgotten the immediacy of my heavy worries, and be giving all my emotional freight to my "lighter" worries.

It's definitely a problem. When you get it all figured out, let me know.

pinuplove

You're worrying about a lot of theoreticals. Try not to borrow trouble Tomorrow will likely have its own set of issues that you'll never think to consider right now.

A maintenance break might be beneficial to you. It'll give you a chance to see what maintenance is like (newsflash: it's not much different than losing, toward the end when it's slow). Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the ride. I'll share my fortune cookie message from last weekend

kiela64

pinuplove wrote: »

You're worrying about a lot of theoreticals. Try not to borrow trouble Tomorrow will likely have its own set of issues that you'll never think to consider right now.

A maintenance break might be beneficial to you. It'll give you a chance to see what maintenance is like (newsflash: it's not much different than losing, toward the end when it's slow). Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the ride. I'll share my fortune cookie message from last weekend

Thank you ❤️

divalynnea

What if you feel great? What if you look amazing? Whst if no one is rude, but lots of people compliment you in a sweet, positive way? If its happening too fast for you, slow it down! Its YOUR life, YOUR body and YOUR journey. You can do it however you like and don't need to be quite so scared! (((Hugs))) to you there from here!

jgnatca

You don’t need to justify to anyone. I understand that maintenance is a whole new ball game and you might just enjoy figuring out the new rules.

elisa123gal

Why not just maintain for now and then start losing when you feel more comfortable and decide that is for sure what you want to do.
I'm in the middle of my BMI..and I know I could go lower in weight..but I feel the same.. that it may be too much of a change. But I may reproach the idea in a few months after I adjust.

kiela64

elisa123gal wrote: »

Why not just maintain for now and then start losing when you feel more comfortable and decide that is for sure what you want to do.
I'm in the middle of my BMI..and I know I could go lower in weight..but I feel the same.. that it may be too much of a change. But I may reproach the idea in a few months after I adjust.

Maybe, but it seems silly to maintain at the high end of the overweight category. And it does seem to be challenging- I’ve been unintentionally sort of maintaining the past couple weeks but I’ve still gained 1lb that doesn’t appear to be water or waste because it’s consistent. So that isn’t really maintaining if I’m gaining.

Evelyn_Gorfram

kiela64 wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

Why not just maintain for now and then start losing when you feel more comfortable and decide that is for sure what you want to do.
I'm in the middle of my BMI..and I know I could go lower in weight..but I feel the same.. that it may be too much of a change. But I may reproach the idea in a few months after I adjust.

Maybe, but it seems silly to maintain at the high end of the overweight category. And it does seem to be challenging- I’ve been unintentionally sort of maintaining the past couple weeks but I’ve still gained 1lb that doesn’t appear to be water or waste because it’s consistent. So that isn’t really maintaining if I’m gaining.

If the high end of the overweight category is where you are when you need to pause and retrench with a diet break, then it's not silly to maintain there. -- And it beats the heck out of maintaining at 44 lbs higher than that - congrats on your weight loss!

Your weight loss rate will, of course, be slowing down as you get closer to goal. I think this is a great time to try eating at maintenance, tinker with your calorie goals, and see what works for you now. Maybe you'll maintain for a while, or maybe you'll transition to losing at a slower rate than you have been. It's not like there's one "right" way. There's finding the way that works for you.

And I am confident that you can, and will, do just that.

Running2Fit

It can be tough when weight loss slows and we aren’t getting as much immediate gratification from our hard work. It can be helpful to set smaller goals and to set non-scale related goals. This helps you see your progress in others way.

As for the anxiety about when you do reach your goal weight - I’m a firm believer in not worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. And you are a lot more than your weight. Just because you lose weight, that won’t make you a different person. Weight does not have that much power over you.