Pride tainted by bitter regret with a touch of self loathing.

bjdw_1977

Ten months or so ago I made a change. I cut 95% of my drinking. I cut 95% of my junk eating. I started (again) with the exercise, running, riding, randomly swing around bits of steel here and there. Lost 20 odd kg. Look better than I have in years, feel good. Probably fitter and healthier now than I have ever been.

I just can't help feeling a deep bitter regret, a disappointment with myself, for not getting into this *kitten* earlier.

If I can do what I can do now after two decades of neglect how good could I have been if..................................................................................

seska422

You can't change the past, only the present. Changing the present can change the future.

You aren't ready until you are ready. Be glad that it didn't take you two additional decades to be ready. Some people are never ready.

LivingtheLeanDream

Hey don't beat yourself up! you have made the changes now and good on ya!! you've turned it around.

88olds

Beware. Take it from an old guy, regret is insidious and destructive.

Try this. The past does not actually exist. The only thing that is real, is now. What you are dealing with is a current idea in your head about an alternative reality. But for the neglect, can you say with certainty that you would be doing what you’re doing now? How can you say for sure?

There are a truckload of life lessons that I wish I had figured out earlier. But I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Regret is just longing for a world that doesn’t exist.

And this- because our brains can’t shut up, a lot of what they pump out is junk. Brains also have habits, many of them bad habits.
Seems like you have an old negative neural pathway looking for a way to give you a kick. Finding nothing in the present, your brain is kicking you about the past. Tell it to pipe down and work on something real.

riverrobin

I've been struggling with these emotions, too. About twenty years ago, I lost 75 lbs and then gained it all back again. Over the last ten years, I've tried unsuccessfully to manage my weight (as well as some health issues). Then something clicked, and since March, I've lost 50 lbs and I'm still shedding the weight.

For me, it's the difference between feeling shame (about who I am) or guilt (about my behavior). I'm finding that learning how to forgive myself for not taking better care of my body is just as important as eating well and exercising, because it motivates me to keep going.

bjdw_1977

88olds wrote: »

Beware. Take it from an old guy, regret is insidious and destructive.

Try this. The past does not actually exist. The only thing that is real, is now. What you are dealing with is a current idea in your head about an alternative reality. But for the neglect, can you say with certainty that you would be doing what you’re doing now? How can you say for sure?

There are a truckload of life lessons that I wish I had figured out earlier. But I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Regret is just longing for a world that doesn’t exist.

And this- because our brains can’t shut up, a lot of what they pump out is junk. Brains also have habits, many of them bad habits.
Seems like you have an old negative neural pathway looking for a way to give you a kick. Finding nothing in the present, your brain is kicking you about the past. Tell it to pipe down and work on something real.

I need to read this again,
and again.