Help :(

ZMG2015

I've always have had trouble with no self motivation or encouragment. Im married (4 1/2 years) and i'm feeling like a burdon to my husband and 3 year daughter. I nedd to lose weight and get in shape so i can help out with house work, and feel safe taking my daughter outside bymyself.. i cant even run after her if she takes off from me. Please any and all support could help.

88olds

Calculate a modest calorie deficit, start a food diary and try to hit your number. You will soon find that you have a better chance to hit your number if you have a plan. Plan for each day and week. Try to anticipate problems and plan around them.

Keep your diary no matter what, good, bad or ugly. Weight loss is a process, a skill set. Mostly problem solving. The process is more important than the numbers. Trust and defend the process and the process will see you through.

Set up a system of weekly weigh ins and track your progress. You are trying to establish a downward trend over time.

Long term weight loss requires two things. A downward trend at the scale. And the ability to live with it. A plan you won’t actually follow is not a good plan. But the good news is plans that are proving to be ineffective can be fixed.

Be patient and be kind to yourself. Excess weight is not a character flaw. The way out of your current dilemma is CICO and problem solving.

Have hope. CICO works. I can tell you it’s a fact. Beware your own brain. If you’re like most folks your brain is loaded with bad habits and old negative thinking. Push back.

If you have a significant amount to lose, it may seem overwhelming. Few people can set out to lose 100 lbs and stay focused. But almost anyone can lose 10lbs 10 times with patience.

Put any time driven goals out of your mind. Likewise radical diets, eating austerity programs and the idea that you need vast stores of willpower and discipline aimed at beating yourself into submission.

Spend your time planning, executing your plan, keeping your diary, and problem solving. Willpower is a limited resource, try to plan away from over reliance on it. Start a walking program when you’re able. Good luck. This can be done and you can do it.

hoppgeorge

^^^^^ Exactly that!!!!

I can’t stress “have hope” enough. It’s a slow process, way slower than anyone would like but just trust the process and have faith.

Celebrate little victories along the way. And give yourself some slack. Don’t beat yourself up over every little thing.

We are all pulling for you! Good luck!

SandyH2015

Great advice above. I will only add that I find support, inspiration and motivation from my friends on this site. I found my weightloss journey tribe. Feel free to friend me if you like.

countcurt

You also point out the one limitation to motivation: you don’t always have it. But you do have REASONS you want to lose weight. Just like you have reasons you want clean clothes for your daughter. In which case you do the laundry even when you’re not motivated to do it.

Think about the reasons you want to lose weight. No matter how big or small the reason, jot it down on a list. Then think about the reasons you don’t want to lose weight. There must be reasons or losing weight wouldn’t be so difficult. Jot them down on a separate list. Figure out which list is more important to you right now and you’ll have the guidance to follow through wiht all the tactics @88olds has outlined above.

Also, getting in shape is a journey that literally starts with a single step. Then another. Then another. Set modest goals and follow through.

I’d also suggest you carefully reassess your condition. If your weight and physical condition are such that you are truly a ‘burden’ to your husband and child, you may need some additional help beyond what this board can provide. If you are not truly a burden to them, the hyperbolic sentiment is probably not helpful to you.

cmriverside

Aww, honey. I remember how upset and depressed I was when I was at my highest weight.

I immediately started feeling better when I understood that I was in control of all of this, I just had to use the tools and be consistent.

I agree with everything above, I just started with the FOOD journal here. I read the forums. I studied that food journal to learn about macros and how to hit my GOALS regularly. There were many days I had the eff-its and just ate above my goals, but gradually I lost the weight and once I started it became my Project. I lost 70 pounds in about eight months - and I did set a goal date. I started this weight loss and scheduled a vacation trip that required a bathing suit. That was my motivation.

Read and reread Olds88's post above.

You can do this.

You can always get a leash for your toddler.

ZMG2015

Thank you all, and i will be doing my best to keep this diary on here. I've never had supportive words towards weight loss like this before. While reading this i was crying because of it. (Happy tears of course) 🙂

flippy1234

It sounds like you are really motivated. Just think how you will feel when you start losing weight. You will feel so much better and be even more motivated because you will see how good you feel. You can do this...you have your husband and child to do this for as well as feel great and be healthy for yourself. Best to you.

cmriverside

Walmart, about $8. Can I just say I love parents who use these...at the zoo little kids are dangerous for us older folks. They dart out with no warning. Thank you to all parents who have one of these. And it keeps Junior safe!

Win/win

AndThenIWoreIt

Surround yourself with positivity. Read the positive motivational threads here, listen to positive podcasts and meditations, speak positively with others and listen to your best self.

But above all, take positive action and more optimism will follow.

It’s tempting to think that just the right words and advice will put us into the mindset that will make it all “happen,” but positive change doesn’t happen because of how we feel or what we hear; it happens because of what we do.

Love yourself, do the right things for one day, love yourself, do it for the next day, rinse and repeat. And when people or situations try to get you down, smile enigmatically and think to yourself, “Oh yes I can. Oh yes I AM.”

Best of luck!

Pandemik14

What do YOU think would help you the most? Id be happy being a logging partner with you. It would make us both more accountable.

snowflake954

You can do it! Just start and be positive. Log your food and try to stay within the calorie goal that MFP gives you. That's enough for now. After you've got that going, start going for walks, even if it's 10 min, the next week do a little more--15 min, and keep on like that. Many people on MFP have been in your shoes and sometimes they tell their inspiring stories. Read those to keep you going when you feel down. Good luck!

emmamcgarity

It sounds like you have two different goals. One is weight loss. The other is gaining fitness. They both complement each other.

Your food diary is the biggest component to losing weight. For me it was liberating to start my food log. It helped me take charge of my own life. Know that most of us have had a bad day going over calories. If that happens, don’t beat yourself up. Log it as accurately as possible and move on. Don’t allow a bad day to let you get off track.

For fitness, start where you are. Walking is very accessible for most people. If mobility is an issue for you look at YouTube for chair aerobics as an option to help build your fitness. If you currently are able to only walk for 5 minutes, do it a few times a day. Soon you will be able to last 10 minutes. A few years ago a friend was unable to walk much and was scared she would get stranded if she tried to walk around the block. But she knew she could walk the distance of her driveway. She did that several times per day until she worked up enough endurance to make it around the block. Then later she was walking 3 miles daily! I don’t know where your fitness level is but small improvements each day will help you reach your goals.

ZMG2015

emmamcgarity wrote: »

It sounds like you have two different goals. One is weight loss. The other is gaining fitness. They both complement each other.

Your food diary is the biggest component to losing weight. For me it was liberating to start my food log. It helped me take charge of my own life. Know that most of us have had a bad day going over calories. If that happens, don’t beat yourself up. Log it as accurately as possible and move on. Don’t allow a bad day to let you get off track.

For fitness, start where you are. Walking is very accessible for most people. If mobility is an issue for you look at YouTube for chair aerobics as an option to help build your fitness. If you currently are able to only walk for 5 minutes, do it a few times a day. Soon you will be able to last 10 minutes. A few years ago a friend was unable to walk much and was scared she would get stranded if she tried to walk around the block. But she knew she could walk the distance of her driveway. She did that several times per day until she worked up enough endurance to make it around the block. Then later she was walking 3 miles daily! I don’t know where your fitness level is but small improvements each day will help you reach your goals.

The most i have walked lately on an average week day is around my house and the most steps have been almost 800 steps. I am able to push myself to a little 1000 steps on weekends when i have to go food shopping, but afterwords im pretty much useless for the rest of the day.
Back 8 years ago i had acl surgery twice on the same one and wasnt able to afford therapy the second time and haven't been able to runn since.
Have had alot of back pain after having the epedural 3 years ago when i had my kid.
Along with being overly big i'm highly self conchus and dont like populalted areas anymore because of it.
On a positive note i am almost to dinner meal time today and my dairy is telling me that ive still got about half of my daily intake still to go 😁. Im hoping to stay under it today.

ZMG2015

flippy1234 wrote: »

It sounds like you are really motivated. Just think how you will feel when you start losing weight. You will feel so much better and be even more motivated because you will see how good you feel. You can do this...you have your husband and child to do this for as well as feel great and be healthy for yourself. Best to you.

Each time i get a little motivated on my own my family on my side always seems to find a way to bring me "off my high horse" so to speak. Hince why i have had alot of issuses not being able to keep movitated, thats why im hoping this app and everyone on here will be enough to keep my hopes up when others try to bring me down 🙂

cmriverside

ZMG2015 wrote: »

flippy1234 wrote: »

It sounds like you are really motivated. Just think how you will feel when you start losing weight. You will feel so much better and be even more motivated because you will see how good you feel. You can do this...you have your husband and child to do this for as well as feel great and be healthy for yourself. Best to you.

Each time i get a little motivated on my own my family on my side always seems to find a way to bring me "off my high horse" so to speak. Hince why i have had alot of issuses not being able to keep movitated, thats why im hoping this app and everyone on here will be enough to keep my hopes up when others try to bring me down 🙂

Girl - we have input for that.

Or, I do at least.

People who aren't on my side aren't invited to comment on my weight, my "diet," my exercise, my food choices, my participation in this website/calorie counting or any other aspect of my life. That includes family. I had to pull way back from my domineering controlling mother and I stayed as far away from her as I could for a very long time, until I had gained enough strength to shut her down when she would start in on me about anything. It's not easy, but it is part of growing up and making our own way in the world and it is good to stay away and/or not get into it with people who are judgey or not supportive. They don't have a right to treat me poorly, no matter who they are.

I walked away, hung up the phone, left the room/building/state. I would say, "We're not having this discussion," and I'd be gone.

It's an important part of owning my own emotions - if my family of origin can't be civil and kind and protective, I'll find people who are.

You're a grown woman with your own family now. You don't deserve that and you certainly don't have to put up with it but on the other hand, don't give away your power.