4.5 years later and back at square one... and that's okay.

Jericha1992

Hey everyone! I suppose I'm here to re-introduce myself. Like a lot of people, I've lost a bunch of weight before, and then gained it back. I joined MFP in 2013 and lost 50 pounds over the 2013-14 school year. I was 21 years old and a college senior. I had put on all of those 50 pounds my sophomore and junior years. On the first day of class, I was 240 pounds. I graduated at 190 and looked pretty good in my graduation photos. I even posted my before and after photos in on "Success Stories" board (they're still there if you feel like looking). I was so proud of myself.

I was sitting here last night, at 247 pounds, wondering what the hell happened. Then I remembered... life happened. A LOT of life happened.

In the last 4.5 years, I have graduated college, held four different jobs (one of which was an incredibly intense public service job from which I developed PTSD and ended up in a mental hospital), moved to four different cities. I got engaged, planned a wedding and got married, was pregnant and had a baby. My husband went back to school right after I graduated, and he earned his degree just this last May. He is still suffering unemployment. We have a seven month old who juuuussssttt started sleeping in stretches longer than three hours.

Of COURSE somewhere in all of that, I slowly gained a bunch of weight (and honestly, most of it happened before I even got pregnant, so I wish I could blame that, but I can't lol). I could probably blame the most recent 10 pounds on the constant ravenous hunger of breastfeeding though.

My first inclination is to be mad at myself. But then I ask if I would treat a friend that way. Of course not! I would tell them that with all they've been through, it's understandable and that they are not a failure. So I've decided to show myself some grace.

That said, the benefit of having done this before is that I am still armed with all the things I learned the first time around, and know them from the get-go. I already know how to monitor my macros. I know how to measure my food. I know how to monitor my heart rate to help me optimize my running and I know about proper running posture and stride. I know how to use the MFP app very well. I know that I can calorie cycle to help myself break a plateau. I know how much is a safe and healthy amount to lose in a week, and what is dangerous for my body.

So while it doesn't seem like it, I am in a much better starting place than I was five years ago.

There is one thing I am doing differently this time around. Earlier this week, I signed up for HealthyWage. I gave myself six months to lose 50 pounds. I did this because I KNOW I work better under a deadline. If I don't have a deadline (not just for weight loss, but literally for anything), things don't get done. I am hoping that the promise of $540 is enough to get me through those days when I feel like *well eating a ton just ONE day won't hurt*.

If I am successful in my first HealthyWage, I plan to immediately follow it with another one. (Also if anyone else wants to do it, PM me. We can both get an extra $40 tacked on to our prize by using a referral link. ).

So anyway, here I am. Starting over. And that's okay.