Staying focused when you can't change your environment?
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Dove0804
Posts: 213 Member
Hi everyone!
I'm feeling so defeated and need some help/encouragement/friendly advice right now.
Some background info:
I live with my parents. I make a decent income but am crippled by student loan debt, so that's going to be the situation for a while as it has been the last 2 years.
When living on my own, I lost 100 lbs. Honestly, I didn't struggle too much. I only bought what I knew I was going to eat, and that's all I kept in my apartment. I planned everything, I didn't have excess anything and it was smooth sailing.
I'm the type of person, however, who will eat uncontrollably if there IS extra food around. I can't explain it. I grew up an obese child in a very unhealthy food environment and while I know everything I eat is a choice I make, it's SO SO SO much harder for me when surrounded by excess. I've gained back 25 lbs since moving back here and I don't know how to control myself.
We had family members visit the last couple of days. They were here for only 2 days- 2 adults. As usual, my mother went overboard with the food- donuts, sweet rolls, kielbasa, breakfast sausages, bags of chips, bags of candy, a tub of cookies, and a massive bowl of fruit, cereal, peanut butter crackers- that was ALL laid out by breakfast time. I'm not even going into lunch and dinner. Obviously 2 people did not eat everything so we have insane leftovers- this happens quite often. At this point even after several attempted discussions it is clear that my parents are not interested in changing the habit of stocking their house for an apocolypse, and I'm so frustrated I can only cry. I know I have to re-learn my approach to food with only myself for support.
What are some tips and tricks you all have for staying focused when it feels like the world is against you?
Am I crazy? Why is it that I can't stop eating when I'm not hungry when there's so much food around? It doesn't make sense to me. It's so easy if the food isn't there, but when it's there I can't stop.
We live in a culture of excess and I don't know how to combat it. ANY advice (aside from talking to my parents- it's their home and I've tried it for years now- they don't see a problem with their approach to food).
I'm feeling a bit down, frustrated, and emotional right now so I apologize for the long post.
Thanks so much if you've stuck this far.
I'm feeling so defeated and need some help/encouragement/friendly advice right now.
Some background info:
I live with my parents. I make a decent income but am crippled by student loan debt, so that's going to be the situation for a while as it has been the last 2 years.
When living on my own, I lost 100 lbs. Honestly, I didn't struggle too much. I only bought what I knew I was going to eat, and that's all I kept in my apartment. I planned everything, I didn't have excess anything and it was smooth sailing.
I'm the type of person, however, who will eat uncontrollably if there IS extra food around. I can't explain it. I grew up an obese child in a very unhealthy food environment and while I know everything I eat is a choice I make, it's SO SO SO much harder for me when surrounded by excess. I've gained back 25 lbs since moving back here and I don't know how to control myself.
We had family members visit the last couple of days. They were here for only 2 days- 2 adults. As usual, my mother went overboard with the food- donuts, sweet rolls, kielbasa, breakfast sausages, bags of chips, bags of candy, a tub of cookies, and a massive bowl of fruit, cereal, peanut butter crackers- that was ALL laid out by breakfast time. I'm not even going into lunch and dinner. Obviously 2 people did not eat everything so we have insane leftovers- this happens quite often. At this point even after several attempted discussions it is clear that my parents are not interested in changing the habit of stocking their house for an apocolypse, and I'm so frustrated I can only cry. I know I have to re-learn my approach to food with only myself for support.
What are some tips and tricks you all have for staying focused when it feels like the world is against you?
Am I crazy? Why is it that I can't stop eating when I'm not hungry when there's so much food around? It doesn't make sense to me. It's so easy if the food isn't there, but when it's there I can't stop.
We live in a culture of excess and I don't know how to combat it. ANY advice (aside from talking to my parents- it's their home and I've tried it for years now- they don't see a problem with their approach to food).
I'm feeling a bit down, frustrated, and emotional right now so I apologize for the long post.
Thanks so much if you've stuck this far.
18
Replies
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Is there something about the home environment that has you reaching for the comfort food?
Have you considered speaking with someone about your relationship with food?
The only real tip I can think of that might help is to pre-log everything before you eat it. If you reach for a something to eat don't put it in your mouth until you've logged it in your diary. Speaking for myself nothing makes it easier to put down that donut or cookie or sausage or whatnot than seeing that huge number take a crazy big chunk out of your daily calorie target.11 -
Is there something about the home environment that has you reaching for the comfort food?
Have you considered speaking with someone about your relationship with food?
The only real tip I can think of that might help is to pre-log everything before you eat it. If you reach for a something to eat don't put it in your mouth until you've logged it in your diary. Speaking for myself nothing makes it easier to put down that donut or cookie or sausage or whatnot than seeing that huge number take a crazy big chunk out of your daily calorie target.
This. Getting into the habit of pre-logging literally changed my life. Reaching for food is a habit, head it off with a different habit, popping open the app and logging what you are about to eat. It forces you to eat mindfully and make a conscious decision.
Hang in there!7 -
study and practice mindful eating. also research into habits and how to change them. like me, you need to fix your head before you can fix your body.
4 -
I third pre-logging. I have similar issues as you in regards to just eating food that is around regardless of my hunger. Pre-logging doesn't solve that problem but it helps tremendously. Even I still grab more than allotted, I tend to eat less of it than I otherwise would.3
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Try to make a mental shift for yourself where certain of the foods around are just not for you, not yours, not available, non-food, not existing in your food world. Normally I would say of course you can enjoy some of the things you love some of the time but it seems like you are having an all or nothing problem.4
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You have to just say no... it's really that simple.7
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MelanieCN77 wrote: »Try to make a mental shift for yourself where certain of the foods around are just not for you, not yours, not available, non-food, not existing in your food world. Normally I would say of course you can enjoy some of the things you love some of the time but it seems like you are having an all or nothing problem.
This is a good idea. Look at it as your parent's food, not yours, and not to be touched because it doesn't belong to you. My husband and I keep food for backpacking that is off limits the rest of the time. I know the Oreos and chocolate are in the cupboard, but it doesn't belong to my everyday diet, so I don't touch it unless we are packing our backpacks. I don't even think about it.7 -
Hi everyone!
I'm feeling so defeated and need some help/encouragement/friendly advice right now.
Some background info:
I live with my parents. I make a decent income but am crippled by student loan debt, so that's going to be the situation for a while as it has been the last 2 years.
When living on my own, I lost 100 lbs. Honestly, I didn't struggle too much. I only bought what I knew I was going to eat, and that's all I kept in my apartment. I planned everything, I didn't have excess anything and it was smooth sailing.
I'm the type of person, however, who will eat uncontrollably if there IS extra food around. I can't explain it. I grew up an obese child in a very unhealthy food environment and while I know everything I eat is a choice I make, it's SO SO SO much harder for me when surrounded by excess. I've gained back 25 lbs since moving back here and I don't know how to control myself.
We had family members visit the last couple of days. They were here for only 2 days- 2 adults. As usual, my mother went overboard with the food- donuts, sweet rolls, kielbasa, breakfast sausages, bags of chips, bags of candy, a tub of cookies, and a massive bowl of fruit, cereal, peanut butter crackers- that was ALL laid out by breakfast time. I'm not even going into lunch and dinner. Obviously 2 people did not eat everything so we have insane leftovers- this happens quite often. At this point even after several attempted discussions it is clear that my parents are not interested in changing the habit of stocking their house for an apocolypse, and I'm so frustrated I can only cry. I know I have to re-learn my approach to food with only myself for support.
What are some tips and tricks you all have for staying focused when it feels like the world is against you?
Am I crazy? Why is it that I can't stop eating when I'm not hungry when there's so much food around? It doesn't make sense to me. It's so easy if the food isn't there, but when it's there I can't stop.
We live in a culture of excess and I don't know how to combat it. ANY advice (aside from talking to my parents- it's their home and I've tried it for years now- they don't see a problem with their approach to food).
I'm feeling a bit down, frustrated, and emotional right now so I apologize for the long post.
Thanks so much if you've stuck this far.
I turn the cards around and it becomes me against the world. Edited to add: I am control freak.4 -
TavistockToad wrote: »You have to just say no... it's really that simple.
Yep. I have teenagers, so you can imagine what my pantry, fridge and freezer look like. There is always something (donuts, pop tarts, fun size candy, etc) available at my office pretty much all the time. I lost ~65 pounds in this environment. The odd thing is that it is almost easier if it is constant as compared to just sometimes. There is nothing special about it unless a coworker brings in something unusual that's home made. That happens rarely enough for it to be okay to sample it, though that will get a little dicey the next couple of months.
Pre-logging can help make it easier to say no but the best answer is to learn to say no and stick to it. Getting healthy is important.2 -
I cannot agree enough with the pre-logging. It has gotten me through some very trying times.
Also, speak with your parents. Tell them what having the food in the house is doing to you. There are two reasons for this. The first reason being, maybe your parents will lessen the amount of food they buy for the guest. This will also save them money in the long run. The other reason being, they can help support your efforts. For example, my sister bought a couple bags of chocolate for the house. Both candies being my weakness. My whole family is aware of me trying to lose weight and so when I get an urge for those chocolates I let them know "Hey guys, I really want that chocolate even though I shouldn't have it." My sister will then take the food out of my sight and hide it somewhere. She will also proceed to remind me of my goals. My craving will then usually pass in the next hour.0 -
Are you dependent on your parents for food?
If you can afford to buy your own then do so and keep things seperate from theirs. Cook your own meals. Don't eat food you did not buy. It is not yours. That thinking may help.
Ask to put food away in cupboards, refrigerator or on shelves. Freeze leftovers right away or ask to share them with family, friends, neighbors, co-workers.
If you need to share food maybe offer to do meal planning, shopping and cooking. You might be able to influence the amount or type of food more if you are more involved with it.
Spend less time inside at home. Go do yard work. Go for walks. Go to the library. Go to a friend's house. Volunteer somewhere. You can't eat the food if you are not there.6 -
I'm less prone to the munchies when I get sufficient protein, sleep, and exercise, but I still wouldn't want to have to look at trigger food.
Would they at least be willing to keep it out of site?
Share this with them: https://foodpsychology.cornell.edu/research/how-visibility-and-convenience-influence-candy-consumption2 -
TavistockToad wrote: »You have to just say no... it's really that simple.
I am hoping you meant well with this comment, but no: it's not that simple for many people or obesity wouldn't be the complex and widespread problem it is today. As a future suggestion this is not, on its own, helpful advice for anyone who is struggling.
Thanks for the replies- I do much better when I have a plan so I like the ideas of pre-logging and thinking of any food my parents buy as "off limits". That could help- I do buy my own food, so I like the idea of pretending everything else does not exist. It'll unfortunately have to be all or nothing for me in that regard, but it might work if I can be strict about it.
As I mentioned, I've had several conversations with my parents but they haven't amounted to any change or understanding. I'll continue to try and be patient and understanding for them as well.
Thank you again for the support
3 -
One thing I did that helped me. Was on Sundays I would bag all of my snacks for the whole week in snack bags. I know this sounds odd, but I bought a plastic box to put them in. Everyone knew this was mine. I view this as my box of treats and I only take snacks from here. Such as granola, and nuts. I have fresh fruit in refrig. But even for that at first I would have a note in snack baggie, 1/2 cup raspberries or strawberries, or 3 oz fresh apple. It made it easier on me to only take what I had for the day.
And I pre-logged snacks pretty much for the week. As that was a long time problem for me.
You explained the issue so well obese child grows to obese adult. So when you are at home, your parents think that is what they are supposed to do. And no matter what you say or how you say it. A different story is running through their heads. Be tough you can do it.
4 -
Another vote for pre-logging. Plan your day in advance and do your best to stick to it. I do this all the time and have even gotten pretty good at adjusting on the fly. It keeps my nose out of the candy dish, too.
Look at it this way: the food is no more wasted if it goes into the garbage than if you ate it without needing it. You are not a human garbage can, and you deserve to be treated better than that. That doesn't make it any less tempting, but try to think of it from the viewpoint of being kinder to future you by not letting present you go completely off the rails.7 -
Look at it this way: the food is no more wasted if it goes into the garbage than if you ate it without needing it. You are not a human garbage can, and you deserve to be treated better than that.
A lot of great things were said in this thread, but I particularly love this. Thank you- it's fitting since I do have issues with wasting food and it does bother me when I see it go to waste, but that is a GREAT way to look at it.
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I'll third the vote for pre-logging. Also, use a food scale to weigh everything before you log it. I know for me, those actions alone make me rethink whether I really want to eat "that."
On another note, I'm sure you've already explored your options, but have you looked into and applied for something like the income-driven repayment plans for your student loans (if they are federal loans)? I know that was the only way my loans weren't going to crush me (the standard payment was outrageous!). The process was a bit of a pain, but made my loan payments manageable - not easy, but manageable. Just an idea.2 -
I find it quite useful to pre-pack my food for the day.
I have a fairly large lunchbox with compartments, and I pack my lunch and snacks in it. So instead of going into the kitchen or eating whatever I find when I get hungry, I reach for the lunchbox. It also helps keep my portions consistent as it has to fit in the compartments. It also made me learn to space my food out - I used to eat most of what was in there by morning tea time! Now I manage it better knowing that it's all I have until dinner.3 -
I live with my parents as well. I feel like it’s a little bit of a strange set up sometimes where you can mentally go back to feeling like a kid & it can be difficult to assert yourself as a separate person with a life. (As an adult who has a curfew of 10pm... this can be hard to negotiate effectively & I don’t know how it’s done. I also text them when I get somewhere, meet my friend, when I leave, if my friend is travelling with me, typically get a “where are you now” text 20min after work ends, etc. It’s uh, a process I guess.)
I second the “it’s theirs, not yours” mentality.
It may also help to have food that is yours, not theirs. My foods at home are Greek yogurt, protein bars (I keep in my office), peanuts, all bran, and the lunches I pre-make for when I’m working, and a dark chocolate bar. Shared foods are: veggies & fruit, eggs & milk, coffee & tea, and dinner. I tried to separate dinner too but it’s honestly just nice to not have to cook dinner because I suck at cooking.
I find it easier to eat healthier if I’m pre-making my snacks, weighing & putting in baggies. Focusing on my macros too so a lil baggie of peanuts is better than something carb heavy.
It makes a big difference to go out of the house. So if I have coffee at home, pack my breakfast, lunch & snacks, then come home & it’s just dinner - and only dinner, or dinner and a pre-made snack I chose like peanuts or dark chocolate & a tea - it’s easier to manage. Rather than a day I sit around home around all the food, and if my mom is eating chips and chatting with me I’ll go for the chips too. (I’ve been off work with a concussion so this has happened more now. It’s harder for sure just being at home).
Good luck!!
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I feel your pain. I don't live at home of course but I have a hubby who is constantly eating snacks. Chips, cheesies, peanuts etc. I have my own snacks - light popcorn that I eat and I try to stay away from his stuff. I have a routine of what I can eat each day so it has become a bit easier. I think preparing your own meals is probably the best idea and prelogging is a great idea as well. I also agree with getting outside as much as you can. I often find a walk in the park reduces my hunger. Good luck and don't let living with your folks ruin all the hard work you did. It's alot easier to lose 25 than 100!3
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