Upset that I was shamed by a *family* member about food

Fithealthyforlife

Make sure you hug her...often.

Oliviamarie05

Yes, I've thought about what's been said here, and I understand what you're saying. I appreciate all of the insight and feedback.

I'm willing to chalk it up as a mis-communication and a mis-reading of intentions.

I do cut my mom a lot of slack because she's lost her husband of nearly 30 years. It was very hard for the family, but she's lost her partner and she's clearly a depressed and tired woman. In fact, I've seen how exhausted and, sadly, miserable she looks at the end of the day. But having a conversation with her only seems to make her more tired.

I'd have to estimate that 90% of her free time is spent listening to the 24 hour news from MSNBC while playing Zuma's Revenge on her computer. She's doing a lot of day-care equivalent stuff for my brother's children. She's mostly retired but still teaching an online class every term for the community college here.

I know that she doesn't know what to do with her free time besides tune herself out as completely as she can. Its unfortunate. I would at least hope that my brother would not come home and add to her troubles, but he quite clearly hates his day job and is also very stressed and busy from life with 3 kids and a very unstable biological mom of his first kid with shared custody.

So everyone is generally stressed, on-edge, incredibly busy, and constantly trying to be the "good example" to the kids.

I was leaning towards deciding not to have children myself. After seeing the every-day lives of my brother and mother, I'm more certain now than ever that I really do not want to have kids of my own.

I do appreciate all the wisdom that has been shared here. It's made me reconsider my reaction to the situation. Regardless of how individual events may seem right now, I'll try to keep in mind the good counsel here that basically stresses the fact that my mom is going through a difficult time and needs patience and understanding when she's not her best.

I do seriously worry at times that she may one day become a suicide risk. She seems that depressed in her life. I would at least like it if my brother didn't come home to pick up his kids and start yelling about situations that arise during his work day. His children are too young to understand that he is angry about an exchange with his secretary earlier that day, or whatever. I was annoyed once about some unexpected banking fees I had that came up through the extremely fine print in my banking agreement. She immediately responded that she "can only put up with so much "Metcalf" rage in a day. She was referring to my brother, who was coming home angry all the time.

This is very mature, and I'm glad you can take an all-around view of the situation.

One thing, don't knock having kids because of what you see. I must say, my little girl has been nothing but a joy. I have three nieces all that are a year to 17 months. It sounds like your brother can't handle stress from outside situations, not his children. Don't perceive the children as the issue here.

As to your mom, like Fithealth said, hug her often. If she is watching children, lost her husband, is depressed and then is being yelled at by your brother simply because he can't handle his stress, then it could very well progress to suicidal risks. Tell her you love her often and that despite any conflict that may arise, you still and will always need her. As a mother, this is the most beautiful thing to hear.

Bernadette60614

Make sure you hug her...often.

This!

tamadrummer001

I only read the first post here but as an RN I never give patients the CR form of ambien. The hospital does not stock it!! It is dangerous. Obviously you are experiencing the most dangerous side effect. Sleep walking, eating and GOD forbid you get behind the wheel and hurt someone. You will not be given any leniency, you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for DUI.

Please stop taking the CR form of ambien, it is going to hurt you!! I highly recommend you speak candidly to your MD and let them know you need a sleeping pill that will keep you in the bed.

In the meantime, DO NOT ever ever ever take Ambien until you are laying in the bed head on the pillow ready to close your eyes and go to sleep. If you take it while awake and just chilling out it will cause you to be up and about eating and only God knows what else.

As far as mom shaming you, screw that. Don't even give it a second thought. You are bigger than any name anyone can call you! You have a huge support group here and need to concentrate of caring for #1. Just blow off the name and keep on cruising. Just please do not take that medicine unless you are in the bed and ready to sleep!!!!!!!! And please change to maybe Restoril 7.5mg when you talk to your MD.

tomteboda

I totally get where you're coming from. At 35, I'm living a home and caring for my disabled mother. Re-negotiating the "rules" in our relationship has taken a lot of work... love, and forgiveness.

Bernadette60614

Also, I do staffing for a living and I suggest you post your resume on indeed.com and register for alerts.

Charter schools can have different academic requirements and you might want to cast a wider net geographically.

And, finally, if you are 30 and the youngest that means her kids are adults. May I suggest you have a heart to heart with your siblings when mom isn't around. Your mother has had a terrible loss. You are close enough to her to live at home, your brother is close enough to her to entrust her with his kids and to come to her with his stress. Whatever she says, there is a bond there.

She needs you all to support her and to help her and since you're living with her, you could take the lead on that. When was the last time she enjoyed herself...and how can all of you help her enjoy some of her life again?

slim4health56

Lots of good advice already posted here; familial issues are difficult to understand unless you're in the circle, so to speak! What "mom" means to one person has a completely different meaning to the next person. Too, when we're really close to the problems, it's so hard to be objective because we bring in lots of baggage from our histories with family members. That you were the youngest has its own set of issues that usually go along with sibling order. I digress...

You will always be the baby to your mother, regardless of your age. That's just the way it works. And, with you moving back in with your mom, there are some old issues popping up (a natural reaction). Add in a Rx that creates behaviors that your mother may not understand (oh, and get off that stuff - find a gym and work it until you're ready to drop - you'll sleep better), you're in the soup!

Your mom sounds depressed. She's lost her husband and is still grieving AND she's dealing with her own issues of aging (a whole different set of emotions) AND her baby just moved back home. Do you take her out for dinner or to a movie or invite her for a walk around the neighborhood? Also, another reason to nix the Ambian - it's messing with the chemicals in YOUR brain, too!

I don't know where you live, but part-time teaching gigs are available all over the place - vocational colleges are always looking for adjunct instructors and (depending on where you live) pay considerably more than what you're making now. Get out of the house with work and working out...when you're home, maybe you can engage your mom and get to know her all over again. Might be good for the both of you.

Good luck (and I'll say this one more time...get off the Ambian!)