Are we obsessed? Friday night musings :)

irisheyes7177

So...here I sit after going to the gym on a Friday night - proud of myself that I burned 645 calories, eating dinner and having a glass of wine. As I eat - I am reading posts and logging everything that goes into my mouth. I have been on and off this site for over a year. I have my good and bad days/weeks/months like most people. I feel as if I have been obsessed with food in one way or another my entire life. Growing up I was a competitive dancer, gymnast and diver for years. So my body was on display for all the world to see. My obsession started as an early teen. I went through periods of unhealthy under-eating and then had 3 kids (periods of definite over-eatering). I am a single mom now, work full time, try to eat healthy for the most part -and work out when I can. I have done half marathons and can probably out-Zumba any of you (if that's a word). Why am I so worried about how I look in a bathing suit? Is it vanity? How do we get rid of those thoughts? Are we all obsessed? Because we spend quite a bit of time on here - logging, posting, reading? I don't know - I really don't have a question for anyone to answer and maybe I will get slammed for being vain and sounding like an idiot - but it's just is exhausting sometimes - all the planning what I'm going to eat, keeping on track, logging everything? Again...not sure if you all have the same feelings or if I'm just being overly analytical at this point. Anyway...musings for a Friday night. Hope you all are having a great night! (And I just had 1/2 glass of wine, so it's not the wine talking).

tomteboda

I was thinking about this earlier today (which actually resulted in my very first blog post). I think our society has deeply ingrained self-hatred into the psyche of many women, based on our weight and appearance... and a lot of us buy into it (consciously and unconsciously). This leads to destructive cycles of either apathy and depression or obesession with exercise/food... neither of which is really healthy or desirable.

Right now I'm taking care of my mom, who is handicapped and recently had a stroke. Her limitations have opened my eyes to the wonderful gift I have that I can move about freely; that I can decide to go for a walk or not, I have the physical ability to swim in the lake, or spend a half hour biking, or use gym equipment as I desire and see fit. I really want to continue enjoying that gift, so I've decided that my primary goal is fitness, not the number on the scale, and that taking care of myself is an important role in life... but only one of many!

I am trying to cultivate an attitude of joy in life. I realized that I can choose to put myself down, view exercise as a "punishment" for "being bad". I can approach nutrition as "self-denial". Or I can enjoy the things I life, and also celebrate my amazing body by caring for it through a general habit of healthy eating and regular exercise.

I guess, I think if we approach our acts of caring for our bodies as a celebration instead of a chore or punishment, and we allow ourselves to enjoy life and not just become slaves to rules, we would be a lot happier. When the rules take over your life, then you've become the slave to them, instead of using them as guides to help you enjoy your life.