So called friends.

Options
KayakerJoe
KayakerJoe Posts: 80 Member
in Motivation and Support
So over the last 3 months I’ve lost a staggering 38lbs. I’ve worked so hard and am very proud of myself. I’m now 189 :-).

I’ve had to replace my entire wardrobe and have got somethings that are slightly too tight but that’s on purpose as i am still losing.

I wore a T-shirt today and a friend just put me down and it really hurts. I’m so sensitive about weight now as it’s easy to think you are not achieving results.

Maybe it was a little too tight but I’m a man, I’m trying to show off my new body. It’s not all muscle yet, but at 6’ I do look a lot better!
«1

Replies

  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,710 Member
    Options
    What did they say? If it's too hurtful and you'd rather not repeat it, I understand. Just sometimes we take things the wrong way when we're sensitive to a topic. Maybe they thought they were being funny or complimentary?

    Unfortunately, most of the time people say things without thinking how it affects the other person. Just ignore it and do NOT let it get you down or affect you negatively. Not worth your energy.

    Great job on your success!
  • Running2Fit
    Running2Fit Posts: 702 Member
    Options
    Some people just suck. Try not to give anyone else’s opinons/comments too much weight (I know easier said than done!). And if you find that some people in your life are consistently being negative and bringing you down you may want to consider if it’s worth keeping them around.
  • tuddy315
    tuddy315 Posts: 11,331 Member
    Options
    First, congrats! That's amazing for only 3 months! I think I would have said, "I'm sorry. I don't recall asking for your opinion."
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    Options
    My husband is 6' and 185 he wears tight tshirts he is just a normal body shape no abs or anything and he looks fine. Maybe they have been used to seeing you in looser stuff. Often people don't realise how insensitive their comments can be or how sensitive we can be to what they say.

    Shrug it off and continue doing what your are doing.
  • 73CL350
    73CL350 Posts: 259 Member
    Options
    38 lbs is a legendary achievement ... I would assume he was being careless, or just teasing/ribbing you as men often do.

    I have 38 lbs to lose myself (I've lost 13) .. so I can deeply respect how you had to grind it out ... but that dude ... probably doesn't get it. I would assume it's more oblivious than malicious... I wouldn't write him off over it.

    My friend took some embarrassing photos of me at their pool ... sent them to me and laughed and laughed. I blew it off. He then posted them on my facebook wall... that felt to be too much.

    Context and audience is everything.
  • MsBaz2018
    MsBaz2018 Posts: 384 Member
    Options
    You admit the shirt was a little too tight as you are still trying to lose weight. Maybe your friend was really being friendly in suggesting you wait a little before wearing it.
    Some people are just not tactful. It's your friend you know him/her and you know how they usually talk. And we don't have the whole context of the conversation.
  • 2020yesyouwill2020
    2020yesyouwill2020 Posts: 115 Member
    Options
    Context. It's all context. If you're feeling off about the comment there's a reason. This friend may have not been good in the past and you ignored it for what ever reason. I used to surround myself with negative friendships because they offered some small pieces of positivity in my life when that was scarce. I think as we go on this fitness journey we are changing ourselves and start to catch inappropriate behavior as a result. I don't know your age but it's possible you are simply and finally realizing that this fake friend is indeed just that, a toxic fake friend! You don't need our opinion to know that, but on your journey, you haven't began to trust your own opinion yet.
    We can argue context all day but I think you know if this person is a jerk or not.
    I hope you surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed. Negativity can wreck a good thing quick.
    Also, just a side note, taking a break from toxic people is okay. I've come back to my toxic friends years later and turns out, they were just going through a thing. They're much better people now!
  • PAFC84
    PAFC84 Posts: 1,871 Member
    Options
    The things people say are always a reflection of them, how they are feeling, what's happening in their lives etc. Try not to let it get you down. If it really bothers you, have a conversation with your friend about it; he could just have been "bantering".

    As an aside, your reaction to what was said should give you an insight into an insecurity of your own so try to address that and work on yourself. At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is what you do, how you respond etc.
  • jhilkene
    jhilkene Posts: 104 Member
    edited November 2018
    Options
    You said two things that matter;
    I'm very proud of myself.
    I do look a lot better.

    There will ALWAYS be critics out there, no matter what you weigh, how you look, or dress (Many of them are insecure themselves, which is why they make comments about others).
    Even when it does bother you, try to focus on those positives above.

    All that really matters is how you feel about yourself.

    Nice job on the weight loss so far!
  • ImSoSquishy
    ImSoSquishy Posts: 57 Member
    Options
    i went through something similar as you. so i do kind of understand how it feels. i had a friend for many years, he was always like the leader of our social circle kind of guy, the fit looking one, and more successful one in the group. when i started getting into gym to lift weights, my body started changing. the fat was disappearing, my chest, shoulders, lats, glutes, and quads were just bulging out even though i'm not that fit yet. but it was obvious to people i've been lifting. we haven't hung out for a while because of things going on in our own life, but when we did arrange something and finally hung out again and he saw my body changing that's also when our friendship started to change as well. he would constantly call/text on every friday to invite me out to drink beer/liquor, pick the most unhealthy restaurants to eat at, offers me cigarettes, and when ever i try to refuse he would do his pressure trick. he would say things like oh, you change, you were never like this in the past, you were such a fun person before, now you probably think you're too good for us, and etc., sometimes when we hang out as a bigger group with more than 5 people, he would start bringing up old stories about me and not anyone else, it's always me. he would be like oh he use to be fat, he had boobies and a belly, so clumsy and klutzy, everyone would start to laugh at me and tease me, asking if my boobies are still there, and i just feel like he was doing it on purpose, trying to make me look bad, he would always trying to put me on the spot to make me look stupid, put me down, make me feel bad/negative. he has never treated me like that in the past until my body started to change.

    but seriously though, no matter what we do, there will always be haters and lovers out there. over time i started to realized, i did change, and i changed for the better mentally and physically. we just can't be friends anymore, although it's been a long friendship, we had ride or die moments, been through deep and thin for years, and etc. but sadly i felt that it is time to end it because you know what they say, you become those you hang out with, and i don't want to become like them anymore by going back to the "smoking and drinking, getting home drunk at 3am every night" days. some people can't handle changes, some people are jealous, ignorant, arrogant, some people just dislike you when they don't even know you just by judging you by the way your look, and there's just nothing that can be done, there's just no helping these kind of people and it's better to not associate with them either.
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    Options
    I never understand threads like this. How can strangers comment on something like how you should take a real life comment without:
    1). Knowing what the comment was
    2) Knowing the relationship you have with the person who said it
    3) Knowing the personality of the person who said it
    4). Knowing the tone of voice the person used

    Meaning.... we can’t ever sufficiently comment on what someone’s intention was and how you should have perceived the comment.

    Congrats on the loss. Good job on the new clothes.

Categories