I know I have hit rock bottom

Hannah1442

Please. I have fluctuated in weight my whole life. I have tried every single diet out there. Some worked. I gained right back. Some didn’t. I gained a few out of disappointment. I have found myself looking up “how to make myself vomit” more than one time. I have tried and all I got was a headache. I binge until my skin it literally hurting because it’s stretched from my stomach. I KNOW I need to straighten up but I feel almost out of control. I have suffered from depression but I am on medication for it. I have a family and a husband that I love. I love the Lord and trust him. That’s why it’s so discouraging that I fail at this each and every day. -Hannah

Fchy97

Hey girl! Just letting you know that I know exactly how you feel and that you're not alone. We can beat this together!

2020yesyouwill2020

Depression and stress are a nasty combo to defeat. It's not a quick quiet battle. Keep fighting anyway! Here for you.

kam26001

You are not failing every day. You are fighting your hardest every day. It takes a strong person to open up on a public forum with the hardships they're going through.
I would discuss these thoughts with your doctor and perhaps look into some cognitive therapy. Sometimes medication, faith, family are not enough and you must pull out more stops. CBT has been shown to be effective in dealing with eating disorders and depression.

jdubois5351

First of all, take a deep breath! You are not a failure, you are human. Dieting never works in the long run. As you've experienced, you can lose lots of weight fast, but at leat 90% of all people re-gain the lost weight (and then some) almost as fast. You have to really understand that you'll have to make a change in your lifestyle, if you want to lose the pounds AND keep them off. This may sound overwhelming in the beginning, but it's really not. Take it one day at a time. Start with small changes. Eat three cookies instead of five, drink one soda less, ask yourself if you REALLY want that second helping - whatever your downfall may be, try to take baby steps.

You didn't gain all the weight in a few weeks, you certainly won't lose it, either. But lose it you can, IF you really put your mind to it - and are honest to yourself.

smolmaus

You're not failing at anything, you're just unwell. Depression makes your brain tell you lies, that you're a failure, that you will feel this way forever, that you're just not good enough. All lies. Nobody binges until it hurts because they enjoy it or love food too much, it's because you're hurting already and that's an easier pain to deal with.

I agree that therapy, on top of continuing to deal with your depression is probably the way forward. Find the things you're trying to smother with food and deal with it at the source. Panicking about weightloss right now is pointless, you need to heal your mind and then your body will follow. A healthy brain makes healthy decisions for your body.

snowflake954

You'll find many people on here battling depression and weight. Try not to change too much too fast. Get your calorie goal and a digital food scale and just try logging a typical day. If you can do that, keep going. You are under a specialist's care and need to continue that foremost. You might want to try walking everyday. Many have said that exercising helps their moods. Good luck to you and never give up. Keep trying.

88olds

Along with therapy, when you’re ready, try weight loss.

Weight loss is a long term process. Weight loss is a set of things to do. You can start weight loss by starting a food diary. Figure on keeping your diary going until you reach goal and beyond. I initially kept mine for 5 years. Have gone back to it several times when needed. Has worked every time I’ve tried it. It might seem like a burden, but like a lot of things, once it becomes a habit, its pretty easy.

I tracked with pen and paper. I find the computer a needless complication. The computer is great for research and number crunching. But either way, you need to start making a list of everything you eat and drink that has calories. Use a food scale for everything except liquids. When you’re ready, calculate a modest calorie deficit and try to hit your number. You’ll soon find that you have a better chance to hit your number if you have a plan. Plan for each day and week, try to anticipate potential problems. If your plan proves to be inadequate, problem solve to make it better.

It helps to try to plan your menu to include food you like. Can some of your favorites be modified to make them more plan friendly? Can others be included with portion control? There is no “bad” food, some things are more plan friendly than others. Some things are a challenge to make work.

I found it helpful to remind myself that Thomas Edison tried hundreds of times before he managed to make a commercially viable light bulb. Weight loss is primarily an exercise in problem solving. There is a constant tension between what we need to do to keep a downward trend going and living our lives while we do it. Weight loss isn’t a test of character. Although it does seem to help to be a bit stubborn, well, let’s say determined.

Plan, execute, track, problem solve and adjust. Repeat. Then repeat again, again and again. Keep your diary going no matter what, good, bad or ugly. No human undertaking proceeds error free. Lots of ways to make calorie counting mistakes, inadequate plans, loss of concentration at critical times, fatigue, misunderstood menus and NI, even math mistakes. Lots of mistakes out there waiting to happen. Just keep logging everything into your diary and keep problem solving. You will never have to start another diet.

Calorie counting works. It’s the laws of physics. It will work for you. Good luck.

Last-you exercise? Exercise is overrated as a weight loss tool, but its great for our brains. Consider a walking program if you’re not already doing something.

Millicent3015

Is it possible that you're trying too hard? Trying to lose weight fast instead of understanding and accepting that it's slow going and takes time? Are you being driven by desperation, or is your motivation to lose weight a healthier life in the long run? As others have said, it's best to manage your depression and stress; you can start incorporating incremental changes to what and how you eat alongside that. If you want to make lifelong changes, then accept that losing weight isn't a race. You can slow down. No one is going to punish you for not shedding 100lbs yesterday. Even if you eat 100 calories less every day, that's a starting point you can slowly build up into a significant calorie deficit over a few months. Exercise can help some forms of depression, but don't overdo it. Depression is an exhausting illness, and too much activity can add to that exhaustion. So do what you can, even if it's a couple of arm and leg raises, a few circuits of your living room, or three minutes of jumping jacks. Eat a bit less every day, and don't expect rapid results. Don't berate yourself for being human, which is what you're doing at the moment. And don't tell yourself what you "should" be feeling, then punish yourself for not being able to feel that way right now. Things will change. The most important thing is making a start, and keeping at it through the inevitable setbacks which we all experience. Be more gentle with yourself.