Afraid to lose weight?

newtnest

After almost 35 years (I just turned 49) to get in control of my weight and health (and failing, starting, failing, starting...) I've decided to try a new approach and focus more on the "why's" than the "hows". By this time I have a pretty good understanding of nutrients, calorie-counting, and weight loss know-how, so, armed with all of this, I should be successful...right?? Nope.

I'm working with a therapist and trying to discover the mental reasons for my weight and the reasons I can't seem to make it a priority to take control of my weight and health. I'm literally terrified of becoming one of those sedentary, in-pain-all-of-the-time and too old for my age people. So that alone should make me act...right?? Nope.

I've done a lot of soul searching and have come up with a few things that might be a problem for me. I think I may have opened a weight-loss Pandora's box lol, but I think I really need to address this stuff. I'm wondering if any of this resonates with you guys.

- This fear is quite vain (please don't judge me too harshly). I don't carry my weight (I have about 50 lbs to lose) in my face, and right now I have been blessed with nice skin and a healthy complexion. I have seen people lose weight and suddenly look drawn, and have skin that droops as a result of the weight loss. I am afraid of looking older, not younger. My goal is to look vibrant and healthy, not thinner and older.

- Another is that I think I might be afraid of the attention I might get if I lose the weight. I don't know why this is but I feel uncomfortable when I think about it.

- On the other side of things is just the unknown. I haven't been even close to my target weight since I was a teenager, so at my age I have no idea what that might look like. Typing this fear makes me realize how silly it is. I would definitely look better, right??...

- Lastly (that I'll put in this long post) is one I think we all grapple with. That is, I am super afraid of failing again. It is really hard on the ego. Like really hard. And it chips away over the years and makes me wonder if it's really all worth it.

Sorry if this seems a bit negative, I just needed to put it out there. I'd love your feedback and to hear some of your fears too, maybe we can work some of this stuff out together, yes?

long_for_me

Hugs! I hear you! I have had the same fears but counter them with bigger fears.

For example: dying young and people not being able to carry my coffin because of the weight.

Or gaining more and more weight until I do not fit anywhere. Or sweating.

Some men hit on eveyone. Weight has something to do with it, but not always!

Hugs! Friend me if you want!

newtnest

Hey, thanks! Truly, Dying young in itself, should be a pretty big motivator, shouldn't it. I totally hear you too, and hugs back!

88olds

newtnest wrote: »

- This fear is quite vain (please don't judge me too harshly). I don't carry my weight (I have about 50 lbs to lose) in my face, and right now I have been blessed with nice skin and a healthy complexion. I have seen people lose weight and suddenly look drawn, and have skin that droops as a result of the weight loss. I am afraid of looking older, not younger. My goal is to look vibrant and healthy, not thinner and older.

- Lastly (that I'll put in this long post) is one I think we all grapple with. That is, I am super afraid of failing again. It is really hard on the ego. Like really hard. And it chips away over the years and makes me wonder if it's really all worth it.

Those 2 stuck out for me. I made goal at 56. I didn’t like the way I looked. I thought I looked older. Recall an old SNL skit? They were wrong, it’s better to feel good than look good.

If I tried to change and failed it was going to be devastating. Better to not try and hang onto the comforting fantasy that change is possible. But there’s an even better way- try to change and make it happen.

Couple of other things- I think being overweight in general keeps people at a distance, sometimes quite literally. It can be a shield.

Sorry, but you can’t control your health regardless of your weight. But obesity can end up a lot worse than aches and pains. And it’s avoidable.

middlehaitch

Congrats on working through the why's and wherefores, and working with a therapist.
A few random thoughts.

Fear of failure. You will only fail if you let yourself fail. Set yourself up for success. For a lot of people, including me, this means making sustainably changes, and It sounds like you are working this way this time.

Vanity, we are never going to look 20 again. You may lose some of your 'good looks' part way through your loss. A lot of us look gaunt and drawn part way through, and even at the end, of our weight loss. Things tend to improve a few months to 2yr into maintenance.

Exercise, being active, and being outdoors (with sun screen) helps with the healthy complexion.

If you tend not to carry weight in your face, you may not lose much in your face.

If you don't lose weight, and have health issues, lack mobility, etc, you may lose your attractiveness through pain and further weight gain.

Sorry I can't address the more attention thing, or achieving a weight I have never been as an adult.

Cheers, h.

newtnest

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate your insight! Cheers

peggym4640

newtnest wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate your insight! Cheers

Yep, yep and yep. I can relate to so much of this. As someone mentioned, I use weight as a barrier and a protection. I can also be very future focused as in, I'll start dating again as soon as I lose 15 pounds. So, I don't date if I don't lose the weight. My weight serves me in this way. I'm slowly working through so much about the fear of success, fear of failure, comfort I feel since I know what I experience how I look/weigh now, etc.. Good luck and it's not linear. For each layer you peel back, you'll discover all kinds of new things. And you'll become wiser and more comfortable with your new body and achievements. Good luck.

newtnest

peggym4640 wrote: »

newtnest wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate your insight! Cheers

Yep, yep and yep. I can relate to so much of this. As someone mentioned, I use weight as a barrier and a protection. I can also be very future focused as in, I'll start dating again as soon as I lose 15 pounds. So, I don't date if I don't lose the weight. My weight serves me in this way. I'm slowly working through so much about the fear of success, fear of failure, comfort I feel since I know what I experience how I look/weigh now, etc.. Good luck and it's not linear. For each layer you peel back, you'll discover all kinds of new things. And you'll become wiser and more comfortable with your new body and achievements. Good luck.

Exactly!! I have missed out on so many things because of this, it's so sad. I've really had to start letting it go though, because you can't go back. I always had such a paralyzing fear of what others thought of me, so yeah I hid behind the weight a lot. It feels good to work through some of this with my therapist, as it's pretty raw sometimes. Thanks for the reply, and best of luck to you as well!

newtnest

Sorry, but you can’t control your health regardless of your weight. But obesity can end up a lot worse than aches and pains. And it’s avoidable.
[/quote]

Isn't this the truth. I've blamed pretty much everything over the years on my weight, so it'll be a shocker if I were to get ill after losing the weight...

maureenkhilde

Interesting post and I can relate to much of what you have written.

I am 60 years old now, last time I actually weighed mid range of my BMI, I was 17 years old.

I have tried so many diets, the list of what diets I have not tried is way shorter, than the lists of diets that I have tried. But I am not letting that stop me.

I am not trying this time. And this is not a diet either. it is a Lifestyle change, there is the beginning, but there is no end to the journey.

Since I have started my journey, I have been able to stop 4 medications totally, 3 others I am down to at least 50% of what I was taking when I started in May. And my lab numbers in September were way improved from February. And on Tuesday the 27th of November I am getting the report of even newer numbers.

So far I know for a fact regardless of what the outside looks like, the innards are loving the fact I have lost 75 pounds, and still have a another 50 to go.

I will not look like I am 30,40, 50 years old when I successfully lose the weight I know and accept this. But I will feel better heck I already do. When I started I could barely walk 500 ft, Yesterday I Walked 2.5 miles in the morning, and another 2 miles in the afternoon and still felt good.

There is nothing wrong about being vain, or worried or concerned. One of the things I did when I hit what I called my enough is enough or tipping point. Is I made a list. One side was all the reasons of why I should lose weight so I will call it the Pros. The other side was my Con list what were the negatives of losing weight. And then I really went over them. And decided what to do.

A few of my negatives:

Excess skin lots of it (I am still fat, so has not been an issue yet)

Having to buy totally new wardrobe as I sure would have no clothes that would when I lost 75, 100, 125 pounds. ( I am finding with 75 pounds gone that I am having to buy some new clothes, going mostly with elastic based until I make weight).

Lose some of my obese friends who would not appreciate the fat that I was serious about this. (I am sorry to say this has happened)


Increased money spent on food, as eating more veges, fish. So cost more. (this was totally offset by not spending money on junk food)


Have you made a list of all the reasons why you want to lose weight? If not I suggest you do. It helps to review weekly.

CharlieBeansmomTracey

newtnest wrote: »

After almost 35 years (I just turned 49) to get in control of my weight and health (and failing, starting, failing, starting...) I've decided to try a new approach and focus more on the "why's" than the "hows". By this time I have a pretty good understanding of nutrients, calorie-counting, and weight loss know-how, so, armed with all of this, I should be successful...right?? Nope.

I'm working with a therapist and trying to discover the mental reasons for my weight and the reasons I can't seem to make it a priority to take control of my weight and health. I'm literally terrified of becoming one of those sedentary, in-pain-all-of-the-time and too old for my age people. So that alone should make me act...right?? Nope.

I've done a lot of soul searching and have come up with a few things that might be a problem for me. I think I may have opened a weight-loss Pandora's box lol, but I think I really need to address this stuff. I'm wondering if any of this resonates with you guys.

- This fear is quite vain (please don't judge me too harshly). I don't carry my weight (I have about 50 lbs to lose) in my face, and right now I have been blessed with nice skin and a healthy complexion. I have seen people lose weight and suddenly look drawn, and have skin that droops as a result of the weight loss. I am afraid of looking older, not younger. My goal is to look vibrant and healthy, not thinner and older.

- Another is that I think I might be afraid of the attention I might get if I lose the weight. I don't know why this is but I feel uncomfortable when I think about it.

- On the other side of things is just the unknown. I haven't been even close to my target weight since I was a teenager, so at my age I have no idea what that might look like. Typing this fear makes me realize how silly it is. I would definitely look better, right??...

- Lastly (that I'll put in this long post) is one I think we all grapple with. That is, I am super afraid of failing again. It is really hard on the ego. Like really hard. And it chips away over the years and makes me wonder if it's really all worth it.

Sorry if this seems a bit negative, I just needed to put it out there. I'd love your feedback and to hear some of your fears too, maybe we can work some of this stuff out together, yes?

I actually got more attention when I was overweight/obese than I did when I lost or even now. maybe because the first thing you dont see now is my butt lol. my sister used to tell me she could tell it was me from behind cause of my butt. now its hard to tell and I look a bit different too so that may be it.I think I look older but other people tell me its in m head,but I dont wrry about it as IM 44 and I cant look young forever.If Ifail one day I get back to it the next and keep going and trust me I used to be one of those people who would say F it and not try again.

I realize Im getting older and I need to be healthy and get on track now before its too late. I do have some face wrinkles now due to losing weight,but then again I dont care what other people think either. when you stop caring what others think about your appearance then you too will be more confident.I try to look my best for me and if no one likes it well then thats too bad. I still have a healthy complexion and nice skin just a few wrinkles like I said that Im sure I will get anyway. they just showed up sooner than later.

I started weight lifting 5 years ago and my body looks better now that it did when I was in my 20s and 30s.

newtnest

maureenkhilde wrote: »

Interesting post and I can relate to much of what you have written.

I am 60 years old now, last time I actually weighed mid range of my BMI, I was 17 years old.

I have tried so many diets, the list of what diets I have not tried is way shorter, than the lists of diets that I have tried. But I am not letting that stop me.

I am not trying this time. And this is not a diet either. it is a Lifestyle change, there is the beginning, but there is no end to the journey.

Since I have started my journey, I have been able to stop 4 medications totally, 3 others I am down to at least 50% of what I was taking when I started in May. And my lab numbers in September were way improved from February. And on Tuesday the 27th of November I am getting the report of even newer numbers.

So far I know for a fact regardless of what the outside looks like, the innards are loving the fact I have lost 75 pounds, and still have a another 50 to go.

I will not look like I am 30,40, 50 years old when I successfully lose the weight I know and accept this. But I will feel better heck I already do. When I started I could barely walk 500 ft, Yesterday I Walked 2.5 miles in the morning, and another 2 miles in the afternoon and still felt good.

There is nothing wrong about being vain, or worried or concerned. One of the things I did when I hit what I called my enough is enough or tipping point. Is I made a list. One side was all the reasons of why I should lose weight so I will call it the Pros. The other side was my Con list what were the negatives of losing weight. And then I really went over them. And decided what to do.

A few of my negatives:

Excess skin lots of it (I am still fat, so has not been an issue yet)

Having to buy totally new wardrobe as I sure would have no clothes that would when I lost 75, 100, 125 pounds. ( I am finding with 75 pounds gone that I am having to buy some new clothes, going mostly with elastic based until I make weight).

Lose some of my obese friends who would not appreciate the fat that I was serious about this. (I am sorry to say this has happened)


Increased money spent on food, as eating more veges, fish. So cost more. (this was totally offset by not spending money on junk food)


Have you made a list of all the reasons why you want to lose weight? If not I suggest you do. It helps to review weekly.

Thank you so much for this, and congratulations on your success!! I will definitely try some of your suggestions, especially making a list - that is so basic yet I haven't done it yet...

newtnest

[/quote]

I actually got more attention when I was overweight/obese than I did when I lost or even now. maybe because the first thing you dont see now is my butt lol. my sister used to tell me she could tell it was me from behind cause of my butt. now its hard to tell and I look a bit different too so that may be it.I think I look older but other people tell me its in m head,but I dont wrry about it as IM 44 and I cant look young forever.If Ifail one day I get back to it the next and keep going and trust me I used to be one of those people who would say F it and not try again.

I realize Im getting older and I need to be healthy and get on track now before its too late. I do have some face wrinkles now due to losing weight,but then again I dont care what other people think either. when you stop caring what others think about your appearance then you too will be more confident.I try to look my best for me and if no one likes it well then thats too bad. I still have a healthy complexion and nice skin just a few wrinkles like I said that Im sure I will get anyway. they just showed up sooner than later.

I started weight lifting 5 years ago and my body looks better now that it did when I was in my 20s and 30s.[/quote]

One of my motivators is also to take care of the problem before it becomes a bigger one. Congrats on your success!

CharlieBeansmomTracey

newtnest wrote: »

I actually got more attention when I was overweight/obese than I did when I lost or even now. maybe because the first thing you dont see now is my butt lol. my sister used to tell me she could tell it was me from behind cause of my butt. now its hard to tell and I look a bit different too so that may be it.I think I look older but other people tell me its in m head,but I dont wrry about it as IM 44 and I cant look young forever.If Ifail one day I get back to it the next and keep going and trust me I used to be one of those people who would say F it and not try again.

I realize Im getting older and I need to be healthy and get on track now before its too late. I do have some face wrinkles now due to losing weight,but then again I dont care what other people think either. when you stop caring what others think about your appearance then you too will be more confident.I try to look my best for me and if no one likes it well then thats too bad. I still have a healthy complexion and nice skin just a few wrinkles like I said that Im sure I will get anyway. they just showed up sooner than later.

I started weight lifting 5 years ago and my body looks better now that it did when I was in my 20s and 30s.[/quote]

One of my motivators is also to take care of the problem before it becomes a bigger one. Congrats on your success! [/quote]

thanks and for some things like wrinkles it all depends on many factors and some of those factors nothing you do will make it better. like loose skin can be from being stretched too far and not having enough elasticity for it to bounce back(which can take 2 years,after than it probably wont). for wrinkles not having enough collagen and elasticity can cause wrinkles too. some people swear by collagen supplements but those things are a hit or miss. just be the best you you can be and be proud of anything you accomplish for the better

ShayCarver89

I’m afraid to lose as much weight as I need to lose because I don’t want to lose my butt. And also my thighs and hips. And most of all my fiancé likes chubby girls and I want to be what he prefers even tho he SWEARS he thinks I’m beautiful no matter what

CharlieBeansmomTracey

FutureMrsCarver89 wrote: »

I’m afraid to lose as much weight as I need to lose because I don’t want to lose my butt. And also my thighs and hips. And most of all my fiancé likes chubby girls and I want to be what he prefers even tho he SWEARS he thinks I’m beautiful no matter what

well you cant stop where it comes off from. it comes off where it wants when it wants. the question is what do you want? its up to you not him to be honest.