Weird Coincidence
reinaperdida
Posts: 5 Member
Hey everyone!
I need unbiased opinions, please!
Basically, I ended up going to grad school with a guy I had a HUGE crush on in high school. We were in different years, but we had a class in common. I enjoyed his company, we used to playfully tease each other during class. I enjoyed it, and I did it because I was attracted to him and I liked having his attention. It's just strange because he's so quiet. From the people I've spoken to about him, they say that he's always been shy and quiet, so they were surprised he was like that with me.
Anyway, I had him for a class the following year and we sat far from each other and didn't speak for the whole year.
I graduated high school about 9 years ago, and I've thought of him from time to time since then, you know, wondering how he was doing, since he was my biggest crush in high school.
Oddly enough, this past semester, I found out he and I are in the same grad program. We're in the same state, but not even close to the same city where we went to high school.
I can't tell if it's a coincidence or what. I know he came to this school for undergrad, but I went to a school in a different state, took a few years off, and came back down here for grad school.
I tried reaching out to him and making conversation through a messenger, and we spoke and he seemed nice. I tried to reconnect with him, and I asked him what he did for fun, I asked him if he wanted to go see a movie with a friend and me (not in a date way though). I was the one who kept reaching out. There was even one time where he didn't answer me for a whole day. It just wasn't reciprocated. We had like one conversation and we just said hi when we ran into each other from time to time.
The thing is, he's VERY attractive, and I'm average (just being honest). People wouldn't expect me to be attracted to him, I guess... It just kind of feels weird to hear all these girls talk about how attractive he is and it's weird seeing him. Now he's matured, more handsome, still smart, I really like his point of view about certain things... I'm still attracted to him.
Well, here's the thing. I don't have much advice about dating and guys and stuff (super late bloomer here), and I don't know how to deal with seeing him and feeling rejected. Like, I know he didn't explicitly tell me "no," but at the same time, I realize that I'm basing a lot of what I'm feeling towards him is based on how I felt in high school and how he looks now (and technically his beliefs in certain things). I KNOW I don't know him now, and I can see that he isn't trying to get to know me either. High school was a long time ago, and even though I think he is fundamentally the same person (just like I think I am), it's just too long of a gap.
I'm pretty sure that this attraction is one sided, and I don't want to push too far and get my feelings hurt. I used to go out of my way to say hi, but he really didn't. Then it slowly turned into eye contact and a smile. Now, I pretend I don't see him, because I don't want to make him feel obligated to say hi to me, you know?
I guess, I want to know what you guys think I should do. I see him all the time, I hear girls talking about how cute he is ALL THE TIME, (and trust me, I'm not even going to lie, these girls are absolutely beautiful and smart women), I tried reaching out, and I'm still attracted to him.
I don't feel comfortable trying to write him or strike up another conversation with him again, because it's always me doing it, but I get annoyed every I see him on campus
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How would you guys deal with this if you were in my position? I'm not going to approach him with my feelings (lmao that would be weird), but I also don't want either of us to feel obligated to talk to each other anymore. How do I get over this feeling? I've never been in this position before. If we complete the program, we're going to be in school together for 3.5 more years. Do you guys think the feelings will just fade? Do you think it just feels this bad because we just started the program? It's just odd to me that of all people from our high school to get accepted into this program it's HIM. We weren't even in the same year and we both took time off.
Lmk if it sounds like just a coincidence, and I'm just blowing it out of proportion.
Help, please!
I need unbiased opinions, please!
Basically, I ended up going to grad school with a guy I had a HUGE crush on in high school. We were in different years, but we had a class in common. I enjoyed his company, we used to playfully tease each other during class. I enjoyed it, and I did it because I was attracted to him and I liked having his attention. It's just strange because he's so quiet. From the people I've spoken to about him, they say that he's always been shy and quiet, so they were surprised he was like that with me.
Anyway, I had him for a class the following year and we sat far from each other and didn't speak for the whole year.
I graduated high school about 9 years ago, and I've thought of him from time to time since then, you know, wondering how he was doing, since he was my biggest crush in high school.
Oddly enough, this past semester, I found out he and I are in the same grad program. We're in the same state, but not even close to the same city where we went to high school.
I can't tell if it's a coincidence or what. I know he came to this school for undergrad, but I went to a school in a different state, took a few years off, and came back down here for grad school.
I tried reaching out to him and making conversation through a messenger, and we spoke and he seemed nice. I tried to reconnect with him, and I asked him what he did for fun, I asked him if he wanted to go see a movie with a friend and me (not in a date way though). I was the one who kept reaching out. There was even one time where he didn't answer me for a whole day. It just wasn't reciprocated. We had like one conversation and we just said hi when we ran into each other from time to time.
The thing is, he's VERY attractive, and I'm average (just being honest). People wouldn't expect me to be attracted to him, I guess... It just kind of feels weird to hear all these girls talk about how attractive he is and it's weird seeing him. Now he's matured, more handsome, still smart, I really like his point of view about certain things... I'm still attracted to him.
Well, here's the thing. I don't have much advice about dating and guys and stuff (super late bloomer here), and I don't know how to deal with seeing him and feeling rejected. Like, I know he didn't explicitly tell me "no," but at the same time, I realize that I'm basing a lot of what I'm feeling towards him is based on how I felt in high school and how he looks now (and technically his beliefs in certain things). I KNOW I don't know him now, and I can see that he isn't trying to get to know me either. High school was a long time ago, and even though I think he is fundamentally the same person (just like I think I am), it's just too long of a gap.
I'm pretty sure that this attraction is one sided, and I don't want to push too far and get my feelings hurt. I used to go out of my way to say hi, but he really didn't. Then it slowly turned into eye contact and a smile. Now, I pretend I don't see him, because I don't want to make him feel obligated to say hi to me, you know?
I guess, I want to know what you guys think I should do. I see him all the time, I hear girls talking about how cute he is ALL THE TIME, (and trust me, I'm not even going to lie, these girls are absolutely beautiful and smart women), I tried reaching out, and I'm still attracted to him.
I don't feel comfortable trying to write him or strike up another conversation with him again, because it's always me doing it, but I get annoyed every I see him on campus
.How would you guys deal with this if you were in my position? I'm not going to approach him with my feelings (lmao that would be weird), but I also don't want either of us to feel obligated to talk to each other anymore. How do I get over this feeling? I've never been in this position before. If we complete the program, we're going to be in school together for 3.5 more years. Do you guys think the feelings will just fade? Do you think it just feels this bad because we just started the program? It's just odd to me that of all people from our high school to get accepted into this program it's HIM. We weren't even in the same year and we both took time off.
Lmk if it sounds like just a coincidence, and I'm just blowing it out of proportion.
Help, please!
1
Replies
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Hmm, it is one thing to be shy and another to be not interested. You put yourself out there and invited him to something. If he doesnt respond, then let it go. Dont put him on a pedestal because you think he is better looking than you.4
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Hmm, it is one thing to be shy and another to be not interested. You put yourself out there and invited him to something. If he doesnt respond, then let it go. Dont put him on a pedestal because you think he is better looking than you.
He did respond. He said that he was studying for a midterm and he couldn't make it. He said he would tell me when he was free (which I think is just something he said to be nice). He said thanks for asking him. It was just this one time that I wrote him and he didn't open it for like a day.
Yea, I do need to step back. He's very polite though. I guess I just don't want to see what's in front of me?1 -
reinaperdida wrote: »Hmm, it is one thing to be shy and another to be not interested. You put yourself out there and invited him to something. If he doesnt respond, then let it go. Dont put him on a pedestal because you think he is better looking than you.
He did respond. He said that he was studying for a midterm and he couldn't make it. He said he would tell me when he was free (which I think is just something he said to be nice). He said thanks for asking him. It was just this one time that I wrote him and he didn't open it for like a day.
Yea, I do need to step back. He's very polite though. I guess I just don't want to see what's in front of me?
If he is interested, then he will talk to you. You can still keep being friendly like you would with anyone else.2 -
You're completely right. I'm sure i knew that (not so deep down). Can't blame the guy for living his life and being selective about who he chooses to spend his time with.
I suppose that it's a bit hard for me to just casually say "hi" to him everyday, so I'll probably avoid him for a bit. Honestly, I don't think that I could even manage to be his friend right now, so it's good he didn't try.
Anyway, I need to pop that fantasy bubble i have and grow up 🙄. Sometimes random things just happen in life, and that's ok!
Thank you so much!0 -
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You're 1L year, right? Don't make things awkward for him or you ReinaPerdida. Law School will be far less strained without him feeling as though you're the old neighborhood trying to stalk him in Law School of all places. Why aren't you already in "lock down mode"? Assuming you're in the US, aren't Finals usually scheduled post Thanksgiving ? Get to studying girlie ...!!
Eta: Agree ... Move on. Law School is far too expensive to whittle away with trifling matters like a high school crush Lost Queen. Focus on your future.6 -
Yesterday morning a lady in the office flipped on a light switch and at EXACTLY that same moment the building fire alarms went off. That was weird.4
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Oh, and if you have to type that much to explain something in a relationship it is most likely more drama than it is worth. When two people want each other and the time is right, it happens without mixed signals, lack of communication about it, or the like.7
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You’ve already placed yourself way too invested, into chasing before starting your grad program. I would invest all this thought into your schooling to finish school, I would stop pursuing him and let him have a chance, to get to know you.3
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Chael2dot0 wrote: »Oh, and if you have to type that much to explain something in a relationship it is most likely more drama than it is worth. When two people want each other and the time is right, it happens without mixed signals, lack of communication about it, or the like.
It's a law school thing.4 -
So, I guess I'll take the opposite opinion of everyone else. Let me tell you a story. Several years ago (almost 20 if you want the details), I was working my first "real" job. There was a cute lady that worked there and we talked from time to time. Nothing major, not even flirty, but just normal "how was your weekend", "what are you doing after work" type stuff. After some time passed, I asked her out and she ran away (literally, ran away, "like out of the room and downstairs" ran away). I figured that's not a good response so I went back to work. A week or so later, I asked her out again and got the "I'm busy this weekend, how about a raincheck" blow off. Well, I waited another week to ask her out again and got another "raincheck" blow off. Three times the charm. I was done. About a month after that she asked to cash in the raincheck and we went hiking for the day. Fast forward 20 years and we have been married for almost 18 of them. Turned out, when I was asking her out, her dad had just died (that month) so she was going through a lot of stress and taking care of her mom. My point is, he may not be interested in you but you won't know if you don't ask. He may very well be working hard at studying for his finals or have something else going on in his life that is keeping him from showing interest.
My last point, I have always been a terribly shy person. I have a lot of social anxiety and sometimes have problems even placing orders at restaurants. But, as I get older, the one thing that I tend to regret most are all the opportunities that I never pursued because I was too shy to ask someone out (when I was single) or for help or just to make a new friend. My advice is, just ask him, if he isn't interested then you know and you can move on, if he is interested then you can see where that relationship leads.0 -
There are lots of guys in grad school aren't there. Go find a distraction, sounds like you need it.1
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You can't control your feelings, you can only control your behavior.
You have already said you aren't going to talk to him about how you feel. Would it really be that weird to tell him you had a huge crush on him in high school? Do you think he would be surprised? If he's at all bright, he already knows.
What you are feeling now is clearly very focused on who he was then...and he's not that same person...so, you can't really say that you still have a huge crush on him now, because you don't really know him now. Maybe it's time to let go of who he WAS and pay more attention to who he IS. He's just another guy around campus, treat him the same as any other guy around campus and if you get to know him as he is now, then great, but if not, then he's just some guy around campus that you don't really know.
Focus on your schooling, focus on your life, stop derailing YOU for some guy, they are never really worth it, the good ones support your life, they don't derail it.1 -
I think it would probably help you to get closure to just tell him you find him attractive, like his ideas, and would like to get to know him better. Then ask him on a date, not a group thing but an actual date.
If he says not interestered in you romantically or is too busy then you can give up and move on. Right now you have not really been clear to him what you want and you don't know what he thinks really. It is risky but that is what relationships are. You put your feelings out there and take a chance.0 -
Thank you everyone. I've read all of your replies, and I really appreciate you taking the time to write them. Unfortunately, I've been bogged down with studying for finals over the past couple of days, so please excuse my late response.
I want to tell him how I feel, but at the same time, I'm fairly certain he won't feel the same and he will have no idea where this is coming from. I see the girls he's always talking to, who he looks at, and who he's hanging around with, and they aren't anything like me.
I don't think I'm willing to talk to him about it, so I'm just going to let it go. Honestly, I doubt he even thought of me since we left that class. It's ok though. I'm going to move on. I found a few other people from my high school living in this town, so I guess it's not such a big coincidence after all. It is foreseeable that I'd run into someone I've met before!
Thank you guys for all your support! I'm so happy to be part of such a loving and giving community! I wish you all the best!2
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